Friday, April 07, 2006
Where Do I Go From Here?
This was taken at night with no flash because this is how I feel. Right now I feel that the light is outside of me because I have been spreading myself so thin that there is nothing left of me. It could just be a passing moment but I think it is more then that.
Have you ever woken up and felt different then the day before? Well that’s how I’ve been feeling this whole week. It isn’t everything that’s changed, just certain aspects.
One thing that hasn’t changed is my love of knitting. Knitting to me is like feather and fan; invoking serenity and peacefulness. Sure there are days of cursing when a project doesn’t work out, but that is all part of the process.
It amazes me that my skills as a knitter have been growing by leaps and bounds. My love of lace astounds me since a year ago I was afraid of YOs. LOL
I love designing lace patterns and it has become such a passion as of late it scares me. I even dream in lace. :)
Knitting seems to fulfill all the needs that aren’t fulfilled by family, friends and my job. I love being able to send gifts of yarn goodness to a friend who is down or making something for the needy. It is nice that this wonderful gift helps me to give back.
It also has filled the niche for community in my life. Every week sitting at the LYS I enjoy talking with the wonderful women who sit and knit around the table. I know that I can go in there any day and just sit and feel appreciated and loved. It is like entering a giant heart chakra. How can I not find my bliss?
I am happy that I am teaching too. It is so wonderful to share myself with someone else; to give back.
I think it is time for a Spring cleaning within. I can’t eek a little of me everywhere and survive anymore. I could when I didn’t have a child, but now I want to spend as much time with my son as I can. He is such a blessing to my life I try not to miss a moment of his.
So something has to go and it cannot be my knitting. My knitting weaves a thread through my being like a life line is used on lace. Take away my fiber and I might go insane.
No for me knitting is like breathing; necessary and automatic. No meditation has ever worked for me like knitting. Knitting can be done anywhere and any time. It is the perfect activity for me.
So for now I will knit and breathe and slowly clean out the aspects of my being that are no longer pieces of me and hopefully uncover my true essence in the process.