Motivation

Some double knitting that I am working on.

On this rainy, foggy morning I find it hard to get going.  This is the kind of day that you just want to hit the snooze bar, roll over and go back to sleep.

Only I didn’t, because that isn’t what I want for my day.

I know there are things that are scheduled for today that need to get done.  I know there are things that I want to achieve today.

I see chores as blessings that I do for my house and my family.  I see healthy choices as blessings that I do for myself.  I see errands as the oil that greases the cogs that run our lives and they are blessings as well.

I start the day by being thankful that I can start another day.  I have gratitude for our part of the world waking up, the birds starting to chirp, the rain falling on the roof, the sun painting colors across the sky and our little house starting to stir.

I also start the day with a plan.  I have three things planned that must happen on top of the things that always happen.  If I am sick or depressed or whatever then those three things can be simple and my schedule is flexible to allow for these days.  Even the moon can’t show her shining face all the time, once a month she turns inward.

On these days I probably won’t get my steps or get a lot of knitting done.  I might ask for assistance in getting out the trash or doing the cat box.  Even if I have tasks in my journal for the day they probably will be arrowed to the next day.  There is no shame or guilt in that.  If I don’t feel good enough, I take care of myself.  If you can’t take care of yourself, then how can you be there for others?

We are such complex beings, some days it seems overwhelming the amount of care that it takes to be nourished and hygienic, for lack of a better word.  As you get older you add routines to your routines to take care of all the little things that you never imagined would be part of your daily life.  

But, I find that I feel totally renewed after my shower.  I feel amazing after a walk or a workout.  A meal that I created and put my energy into, stays with me and nourishes my soul as well as my body.  

How you choose to see everything, becomes how it is.  For instance, I could choose to see eating within my calories as a total pain and it would be just that.  But, what if I chose to see it as a game.  My meals are like a puzzle that I have to unravel in order to stay within my calorie count and fullness meter.  Now, when I get up I start planning how the food that I’m going to eat is going to work for the day into my calorie count.  And, yes, I have an app for that.  I use Lose It.  I have been using it forever and I love it.

But that wasn’t my point…your motivation, in any endeavor, from getting up in the morning to making your dreams come true is based on how you choose to see how that endeavor fits into your life.

Dreading doing the laundry…makes it dreadful.  Being thankful for clean clothes makes you appreciate the variety and amount of clothes that you have.  When all the clothes are clean and the beds are washed I just feel amazing going to sleep that night.  Clean covers, clean bedclothes, make for the best sleep!

Is it easy all the time?  No, of course not.  But I have found it does get easier if you have a positive attitude.  Things that I really struggled with in the beginning are just becoming part of my day now.

Don’t laugh but the hardest thing for me was cleaning the cat box.  Hubby used to do it and then I took it over to shave off some of his morning chore time.  In the beginning, it really hurt my back to scoop the boxes.  I ended up having to stretch before and after scooping to get through it.  And that was just sad.

But after getting back to walking again and achieving my steps each day, the pain just totally disappeared.  I can scoop to my heart’s content and there is no fear of pain or putting it off until later in the day.  I just do it.   

I wonder if my changed attitude towards my kitties happiness has anything to do with the lack of so many misses outside the box?  It seemed that they were missing every day and there was that extra task of cleaning it all up.  But now, they only miss once and a while and that is great!

Regardless our three purry furries are worth it!

Frost, Kitsune and Shadow

The point is, there are some things in life we can’t change, but most things we can alter our perception of how they will impact us through a positive attitude, perseverance patience and belief in yourself and your abilities.  

Start your positive attitude mantra with saying I AM…and say it in the present tense.

I AM eating healthy.

I AM working out today.

I AM knitting five rows.

I AM going to clean the catbox.

When you say I AM you are creating reality.  If you don’t believe that words have power and are made up of energy, that is okay.  But think of how many I AM negative statements you say every day that you believe and have believed for all or most of your life.

And those negative I AM statements have power.  They silently sabotage you and create doubt in your self and your abilities.  And they have been doing it without any resistance from you.

Those negative voices always get louder when you are about to embark on change.  Our inner critic hates change.

So it is up to you to change the dialogue you hear in your head.  These are just a few examples.

Instead of I AM so stupid say I AM thinking before I act

Instead of I AM fat say I AM making healthy life choices

Instead of I AM lazy say I AM full of energy and purpose

Instead of I AM not good enough say I AM always good enough

You need to retrain your brain to think in the positive instead of the negative.  It can be difficult because you have been thinking negativity for so long.  

What I had to do to break out of my destructive “I AM not good enough” cycle was to first create a dialogue with myself.

“Not good enough” is so vague.  To whose standards am I not good enough…and for what?  This negative mantra I kept saying to myself was because I didn’t believe that my Dad thought I was good enough.

Dad left me a letter which went on to say how proud he was of me…this didn’t give my “not good enough” voice much credence, now did it?  

So then I had to ask myself if Dad didn’t believe that about me then who was I seeking approval from?  Myself?  Really?

At this point, I knew something needed to change in me.  So I started saying “release” every time that “not good enough” thought would come up.  I would think of a handler with a dog that had been trained to let go when the command “release” was given and soon my negative thought had to loosen its hold on me.

Then I started thinking what would my life be like if I was “good enough”  I would be a designer…well, wait I am a designer.   

I would be better at math…well, wait I can balance a checkbook, do my own taxes and convert grams to inches in a patten so yeah, next?

That negative voice didn’t want to give up, but each time I said “release” I could feel something changing in me until I believed that I was good enough…I AM good enough.

It took time and patience and all this didn’t happen overnight but any relationship, including the one with yourself, is worth the time and effort you put into it.

Why all this psycho-babble?  This is my shining moment and I can feel all the “not good enoughs” and “so stupids” trying to push back in.  I can feel the anxiety ready to ramp up when it realizes that I AM walking my talk.

I AM a Creatrix!

I AM a designer!

I AM thinking before I act!

I AM a teacher!

I AM a knitter!

I AM a believer!

To all those negative voices I say, “NOT TODAY.  NOT TOMORROW.  NOT EVER!”

This is my moment, the one I worked for since the day I put on the designer label.  This is the reason I research stitches and I teach others how to make them.  

I believe in my self…I AM taking a deep breath…and now I start the first stitches on a new journey.

*drops needles*

*******

On the knitting front, I am working on Page's Blanket and the above creation.  It is a present for someone so I am hesitant to show it fully.  I love double knitting; it amazes me each and every time when the pattern creates itself on the back as I knit it on the front.

I have learned a whole lot over the years on how to make my edges neater and some really nifty cast-ons and bind-offs.

I will share some of that knowledge with you next week when I can get assistance in taking pictures or maybe filming some of the steps.

In the meantime,

Thanks for stopping by.  :D

Happy Crafting,

Ruinwen

Flow

This is Laguz, the Norse rune of flow.  Laguz represents water in all its many forms.  Water is necessary for most life to thrive: it is a part of us.  Spiritually it is our emotions which course through our being like the blood in our veins.

Water is ever-transforming from vapor to liquid to ice it is every moving: ever-flowing.

If water finds an obstacle it flows around it and creates a new path.  

Water can be fierce as a raging sea or gentle like a burbling stream.

I reread my blog the other day.  What a long journey it has been!  When I started this blog I was so full of light and as I read I watched myself become heavier and heavier: much like a cloud gathering water for a storm.

I tried to stay fluid but everything just bogged me down and I had to fight to stay above water.  I lost much along the way as I also lost pieces of my self.  It hurt to write: the words would not flow and for a year I was silent.  During that time I lost my readers, my friends and my support team and now after reading my blog I see how their absence has affected me.

I am ever thankful to everyone who has or ever will read this blog.  I am blessed by the support of my internet family whether you post or not: I have always felt your love and you have helped me through some really, really dark times.  I am grateful to each and every one of you where ever you are: past, present or future.  

I feel like in truth I am back at the beginning again except with all my knitting knowledge honed through years of practice.  Lately, my life has been flowing as I realize how the spaces that have been created are really there.  Life seems much fuller now that I can take more time to enjoy it.  I can't really explain it.

It's like for a while my life seemed to be the sum of my to-do list.  I am glad that I could be whatever was needed for those that needed me:  it was a blessing to be able to provide for those I love...but I just felt like I was a walking agenda and my being was made up of the things I could check off of that list daily.

I didn't flow...though I tried.  I dragged myself to one event to the next and just swallowed the emotional baggage afraid to let it out...terrified of what it would do to me.

I can see that now.  You could follow my path through the blog and see how clearly I was so close to losing it.  But if you keep reading you would also see as I made it through each dark night of the soul I got a little piece of my self back.

And now I feel that the pieces that were strewn all over the place are back where they belong.  This doesn't mean that I don't have growing and changing to do: because that never stops.  It does mean that I feel more complete then I have in...well years.

It makes me glad that I started this blog because my friend knitnana had one.  It was a risk for me.
It was hard putting up my feelings each week for everyone to read, but I'm really happy I did.  

I need to revamp this blog.  I've ignored most of the sidebar stuff because just writing it was so hard for me. But now...well things are slowly going to change as I do.  Namaste

Back to knitting...here is the 2nd layer of the 4th block of the blanket.  I feel this anxiousness of actually finishing this summer and it makes me giddy.  :)

Here is my Niece's birthday cowl.  I finished it before the deadline...go me!  I think the colors she chose are really lovely and complement each other.  She wanted to make sure there was some pink in there and wow is that pink!

I have been so good and finished a few things that had been languishing...which means I can treat myself to this.  I've been dreaming about getting my hands into the pink yummyness!  I think it means more that I finished the things that were on my very small list first.  It really allows me to enjoy knitting on this cowl.  (I cast on 320 stitches but that is it.  I'm afraid it is just a twist of cable and pink right now and not very photogenic.)

I will only allow myself to work on it after my squares are done.  I have gotten very good about finishing a current goal and I would like to keep it that way.  There is something that happens when my squares are done for the week that really allows me to cherish the new knitting as a gift or reward that I give to myself...and that always makes me smile.

Oh, in today's crossword was the words: cowl, Oahu and picot...I feel it might be a sign of something magical and wonderful.  Hmmmmm?  ;)

Finally, our little Frost is now a beautiful boy who loves to bask in cold places.  He waits until I've moved the ice from the box and then jumps right in.  lol

Happy crafting and beautiful blessings,
Ruinwen
:)

And Now for Something Completely Different

As an Aries, I am easily distracted by new and shiny things.  I've been looking at those Rainbow Loom band bracelets for a while now.  I thought they would be fun to make for our booth and apparently my son was thinking the same thing.  So we ordered the loom and bands and got to work.

You have to pay attention to what you are doing to make sure all your loops are secure is, of course, the first rule that I learned.   The second thing I learned is these bracelets are fun and easy to make if you are patient and I'm kinda addicted.

Being around Halloween they had a lot of glow-in-the-dark colors so I'm a happy camper.  There is something that always makes me smile when I see something glow.

When I first saw them I fell in love with the Starburst pattern.  I have wanted one of these for a while now. When my son and I watched the video it didn't seem to hard even though it was marked advanced.  But we had a good teacher.  I like Ashley's videos because she clearly shows how to layout the bands and she is really easy to follow.  Hopefully, I will have one of these to show you next week.

I'm looking forward to conquering new patterns with my son; it is nice to have a project that we can share together.  He is looking forward to making bracelets for his friends with his mad new skills.  It is a win/win deal.

The only thing bad about this hobby is the bands are little and we have a little white terror who wants to save us from the evil snapping rubber bands.  I ordered a case for the bands but it is running a little late so my son volunteered one of his Lego sorting boxes and it is perfect to keep the bands away from Frost.

Frost is an amazing kitten.  He has been pushing his limits a little more each day by jumping, climbing and winning every game of Cat Fishing.  Yes, my little kitten loves to play on the iPad.  He is ferocious as he hunts down the fish and he has learned to restart the game as well.  I think hubby found him eyeing Candy Crush the other day.  Frost really gives credence to the dog that ordered stuff on amazon; so we are watching his computer time closely.  lol

Frost hates napkins.  They are evil and he hunts them down and rips them to shreds.  You will hear this growl and suddenly Frost will appear with a napkin trailing behind him.  I keep taking them away and he keeps finding new ones.  I gave him a white towel that he couldn't rend and he seems happy to hunt that as well.

Shadow seems to be adjusting and they have started to play now and then which makes me really happy.

No knitting has taken place at home due to the fact that needles move and it is hard to make stitches with a kitten lunging at you every few stitches, but that is okay.  I knit Friday night at our meet-up and it was refreshing and nice to pick up my project again.

While I have not been knitting much; I have been working on a gift design for my secret Yule person.  I'm having a lot of fun with it and I think it will be a cool thing to knit.  But that is really all I can say right now.  I hope to be able to give you a peek later.

I also jotted down an idea for a Widdershins memorial pattern.  I always liked the way her contrasting fur made her beauty shine and I want to design something to highlight those aspects.

Lots of ideas gelling in my head.  Hopefully this weekend I will get some time to chart them out a bit. Maybe I can sneak in some swatching while Frost is sleeping?

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

Love is Infinite You Can Always Make More

"Love doesn't end with death."
a blurb taken from my Hospice newsletter

It has taken months for my mind to really believe this.  A loss of someone important in your life is devastating.  In the first few months after they pass you feel a hole that can't be filled.  And hopefully, other things slowly close that hole up a bit as time goes on.  You may not think of them as often and when you do it might be because of good memories that make you smile.  You will always miss them but the underlying truth is, "love doesn't end with death."

The moments you shared with your loved one are yours.  Your love for them is eternal.  Death does not change that.  When I hear a bird call that I know, I smile and remember Dad teaching me how to "talk" to them at the cabin.  When I watched Lethal Weapon this weekend, Mom was right there enjoying every minute with me.  I find myself still looking under blankets for Widdershins since she loved to hide under them. These are all precious memories that are dear to me and allow my loved ones to still be with me.

Do I still have moments of tears and sadness that bubble up from within me and rent me in two?  Yes, of course.  But the good memories and the love that I have for them outweigh the sadness more often than not.

Do you believe in Fate or Karma?  Widdershins loved my husband with her every breath.  I believe that she reached into the soul of the Universe and made a wish that her "person" would find someone new to take care of him.  She knew her passing would be so hard but she also knew that it was her time to go.

The day she passed there was a kitten that had been brought in that morning.  His Mom had been hit by a car and he was all alone.  He was sweet and white and tiny as kittens are.  But my husband couldn't even think of another cat, especially when he was losing his beloved little Widdershins.  He told me later that he had to take a peek through before he left the Doctor's Office to see who was mewing back there.

A week later I came to get Widdershins' memorial box and the Doctor put the little white kitten in my arms. It is hard to know what to do.  It is easy to say that one isn't ready for a new kitten so soon, but it is almost impossible not to fall in love with a sweet little face and big blue eyes.

So I went home and talked it over with the family and the next day everyone went to hold the little white fluff ball.  And he has enchanted us all.  So, please welcome the newest member of our family who has yet to be named but has already won our hearts.

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)