Sharing the Light

"Any fool can run towards the light. It takes a master with courage to turn and face the darkness and shine his own light there."
-- Leslie Fieger

Last night I had a vision during my weekly Wed spiritual bath. It was clear as day and I felt like I was there. I could hear the water in the stream that the Goddess was standing in. I felt the cold water shock my system that I was standing in. It was amazing and has redirected my purpose.

You see I wasn’t going to take my spiritual bath at first because it had gotten late and sleep is so important to me. But lately I’ve been forcing myself to do it anyway and last night was no exception.

As soon as I hit the water everything changed. The vision hit quickly and I was trying to keep up. The Goddess came to me and told me that I was doing okay with everything…in fact better then She had hoped. That brought tears to my eyes because I feel so scattered and like nothing fits right now. And to prove my point I fell apart in front of Her; fragmenting into a thousand shards of light.

She laughed and held out Her hand and I sprang back together but as I did I saw a core of pulsating, warming…love. I saw everyone’s faces or blog names that have reached out to me and their light combined with mine. It was beautiful beyond words.

But then She opened this gateway between two trees and She showed me that my light was in everyone I touch, write or connect with in anyway. She shared with me a few people I have moved deeply that I never even realized. I cried the whole time at the beauty of giving and receiving and the power of friendships…even with people I’ve never met.

And then She said the most incredible thing that had me stunned. “I want you to take this experience and make it into a shawl. Make one side flow into the other and show the center…show the balance between give and take. When one wears it let them be immersed in a center of love through the shared community of all they have touched.”

And then I saw it. And it was beautiful. So I give you the beginnings of the Joanne’s Shawl. I am dedicating it to my giving, wonderful MIL who has always been there to support me in times of trouble. She gives to her community and family with her whole self. She cares for all creatures, great and small and will lovingly feed any animal that comes close. lol She always is quick with ideas to help people when they feel all is lost and she will always lend her time to help someone in need. She is an inspiration and a beautiful person. I love her so much!

Hopefully I will have some time on Monday to lock myself away and work on this a bit. I know that any pattern takes time and a shawl like the one I saw is a whole new design to me. But I’m excited about the whole process of creating something beautiful without a time table or deadline. This shawl as much as it is for my MIL, it is also for me. It is a balm for my soul, a gift from the Goddess and a spiritual connection to all I hold dear.

When I looked into the darkness of my inner despair I saw all of you. Thank you for helping me to find my light again by sharing yours.

Namaste,

Bright blessings,

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen
:)

Spring Fest

First and foremost I wanted to thank everyone who reached out to me after my last post. I am so blessed to have you all supporting me!

Second, here is the Glady a beautiful interchangable needle case from the amazing mind of Sallee. I love mine. Alas...I do not have a single needle or extension to put in it because I have so many projects. I must remedy that. *sigh*

The Glady


We spent the weekend at fair. Saturday was a nice day followed by a terribly rainy Sunday. No one was buying and for the first time ever we did not make back our site fee. Very depressing. But these things happen.

We did both get projects done. I finshed some baby sock for the LYS and got halfway through a car seat baby blanket and DH made some new pieces of jewelry. So that was nice. It is always nice to be alone for the weekend too. It's kinda like a date with hundreds of people popping in. :)

The community was there for us. One store loaned us displays for the jewelry and we think we will buy some for fall. Another store had a food delivery service which brought us coffee and food goodies so we didn't have to trek out in the rain. My LYS let me warm up and gave us yummy chicken yesterday to snack on.

And my family was there for us too. Nana and Pop Pop watched our child and let us use the truck to haul stuff back. They are such a blessing. :)

So maybe we only made $5 but we are surrounded by people who uplift us and support us. So really it was rainy and a bit cold but it was a wonderful weekend. We have a lot of ideas for fall. I'll let you know as they take form.

And usually at Fair I load up on things I shouldn't...so I saved my bank points for the weekend and I had enough to share a funnel cake but they packed up and left because of the rain! So I noshed on this and that but I had healthy snacks too. I had to have coffee...which can be high in points with the syrups and stuff I like. And then we walked there and back the first day and there the second day which is a nice little walk. So I was pleased as punch this morning when I found I had lost another 2 pounds!

So that's what's going on. Things with Mom really aren't any better. My sis is home safely from her trip...I can't wait to talk to her. The rooms in the basement apartment look really nice. One more coat of paint and I think they're done.

I'm trying desperately to cultivate serenity in little moments here and there. And for the most part it is working. Life is good, I am blessed...Namaste.

Bright blessing and happy crafting

Ruinwen
:)

Adaptation

"The successful man is the average man, focused."

-- Source Unknown

I finally finished Mom’s shawl! Can you hear the halleluiah chorus? I’ve been knitting this with a friend and just decided to start another to knit with her. It actually is about 4 feet long and works perfect with her wheel chair. Yeah finally an FO!



A family of deer came grazing the other day. Deer to me mean many things but these coming to me when they did seemed to be telling me to adapt. That is why they are grazing in my backyard; they’ve had to adapt to a new food source. Deer are also one of my personal totems. They usually are telling me to really look at what is around me and listen to what is being said. They also come to tell me to take care of myself when I am spreading myself too thin.

I was recently talking to a friend about her blog and that it was hers to vent or rant or say whatever and I guess this post will let you see a part of me that is hidden beyond the heartfelt smilies I always feel. It will be totally scattered like I am right now and might not make a lot of sense so be warned.

I’ve really been trying to find some harmonious balance between all the elements of my life and at times I feel I am just barely making due and others I feel the water over my head and I can hardly breathe.

Nana and Pop Pop built the basement rooms for my BIL and his kids and they look amazing. Pop Pop is a genius with electricity and wired each room with separate switches and everything. Goddess bless for such wonderful family!

Having Nana and Pop Pop there was really nice because I could retreat to my room and knit when it all got too much. And last week was too much for me to handle.

Really I’m just a big kid who can be a Mom and an adult when she has to be…and maybe I’ve always been the one people come to and I’m good at figuring things out. But you can’t help someone who just doesn’t want to change or maybe now is incapable of changing…I just don’t know…

My Mother whom I love deeply hates living. She was on suicide watch and it broke my heart to think she was that unhappy. All she is living for is family she tells me. When I get up to go she gets upset and panicky. It hurts to walk out the door knowing she will be miserable until I return.

I don’t know if it is for attention or she is slowly loosing her faculties or a combo of the two. I just know it hurts to see this proud woman I knew so lost and confused. She calls me her lifeline and it scares me that she counts on me for everything because I know I continually fail her expectation of me.

I just can’t keep up. There is always something else wrong…always something else to fix. And I really try to take care of everything I can. I mean she’s my Mom and I would do anything to help her. That’s why I moved her up here so I could see her on my way home from work…so we could run and get her stuff when she needs it.

I know I’m not the first daughter to do this…I really shouldn’t say anything because at least I have a Mom still on this Earth. I feel torn between being selfish for leaving and wanting time for myself and selfless for wanting to give up all my time to help her like she did for me when I came into this world.

So I’ve split into two selves to cope: the happy helpful me that just rolls with everything and the me that as soon as I am out that door runs in the other direction as fast as she can.

I am not adapting well. I have nothing new for Spring Fling this weekend…I mean I did make that jewelry a while back…but there is no time for anything really. My old crafting time I now spend at AL.

On the weekends we are cleaning out Dad’s house and then we have to go through all the stuff and get it to the right place…recycle, consignment, etc. This last weekend we cleaned up until bed time. I really didn’t get a Mother’s Day except for having a wonderful lunch, I missed my son even though I saw him there was no time for us, and I was dead tired. I know BMC Ruinwen…

So that is why there is little FO’s or no posts or no pictures. I really need to take a picture of something wonderful I got but I just haven’t had the chance. *so please forgive me*

I did want to say on the positive side of things I joined WW again because I knew that I should do something. I do very well with organized stuff. I can even deal with chaos as long as it is organized. lol But I’ve been on now since the 7th of April and I’ve lost 8 pounds. I’m not starving myself either. I’ve been enjoying rediscovering veggies and fruits and then on the weekends I have all these extra points. I’m back in my size 12 jeans and they are loose. So I’m pretty proud. :)

So that’s what is going on. Thanks for letting me say all that. So this weekend when the thunderstorms hit think of me and DH in our little tent. I will be blissfully knitting away as he weaves metal.

Bright blessings,

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen
:)

MD S & W

This was the Ravelry crowd on Saturday in the rabbit building. I'm actually in this picture. They did a super job organizing the event! Yeah Ravelry! :)

In between cleaning and helping out Mom I visited the Fair. I'm really blessed that I'm about 1/2 hour away. DH and I went on Sat and it was a great day. I had the best lamb kabobs! And the yarn...such beautiful, wonderful, yummy yarn!

And then I went back on Sunday with our wonderful LYS owner and we had a lot of fun and scored big! :)



Maple Creek Farm was my favorite and I went back the next day and got more yarn! The two thicker hanks are merino and the thin is merino and bamboo. I am in love with this yarn! The owner Eileen Garges is wonderful and talented lady. She was all smiles when she saw me coming back and bringing a friend! :)


I might have made it out of the Fair without spending anymore dough if it wasn't for the most wonderful Knitting Fairy. She made a shawl on the way to the Fair from Texas so it doesn't even have a picture on the pattern. But I fell head over teacups for it. She works at Brooks Farm Yarn which has lovely yarn. I sat their resisting for a long time even though the colors are so lovely.

But between the shawl and the Solo silk I fell down the rabbit hole and there was no getting around it. I must say this Solo is really just divine. It feels like heaven and has such a lovely sheen that my little photo cannot do it justice.

But I'm in in love. I want a blanket of this for my bed...or a throw to wrap myself in. It's such a nice yarn that I didn't mind casting on for the shawl three times because it just felt that good. If chocolate was a yarn...this would be it. :)

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen
:)

Hehe

Kimberly tagged me with this hehe about DH.

May 3rd is our 11 year Anniversary and I am blessed beyond belief to have this wonderful man as my best friend and mate. :)

Where did you meet? I was at a Con and my boyfriend at the time put me on DH’s lap and told him to watch me. DH wanted to kiss me but I didn’t let him. Then my friend dated him years later and I realized what a great guy he was. Finally when I needed a roomie to help with the rent he moved in and the rest is History!

How long did you date? About a year and a day

How old is he? 40 years old or young depending on your point of view

Who eats more? He does unless I’m craving something

Who said “I love you” first? I did.

Who is taller? Hubby. He's 5' 10", I'm 5' 9"

Who sings better? Me but that is not saying much I suppose

Who is smarter? He is a tech genius and I’m good at figuring out solutions to stuff.

Whose temper is worse? Tied. We both can be pretty bad but it really doesn’t happen that often.

Who does the laundry? Mostly me. He did a few terrible things to different outfits over the years…but he’s gotten way better.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does.

Who pays the bills? We both have our own bills we are responsible for.

Who cooks dinner? Usually me. But he can cook and does a good job of it when he has the time. He makes a cheese cake that is to die for…did I mention it is chocolate?

Who drives when you are together? Usually me. I get freaky sitting in the passenger seat and sick if I sit in the back.

Who is more stubborn? Me I think, but he can be really bull headed when he is set on something

Who kissed whom first? He did. He’d been wanting to since that first day.

Who is the first to admit to being wrong? I think it depends on the situation but we never go to bed angry.

Whose parents do you see the most? Mine live here so I guess we see them more. But I adore his folks and I’m so happy to be part of their family.

Who proposed? He did. He asked me to write our wedding ritual.

What’s his best physical attribute? His eyes and his sexy grin

Who has more friends? Me, he is more of a loner

What are you most proud of him for? He’s always had trouble reading ‘cuz he’s LD but he conquered it so he could finish college and get a degree. Every time he reads to our son it brings tears to my eyes.

Who has more siblings? We each have a sibling.

Who wears the pants in the family? We share the pants. But I run the household. We always include each other in all the decisions. It’s an equal partnership.

Learning My Limits

“Change. It has the power to uplift, to heal, to stimulate, surprise, open new doors, bring fresh experience and create excitement in life. Certainly it is worth the risk.”
-- Leo Buscaglia

As the seasons finally decide to shift from winter to spring we are blessed with a myriad of color and texture. This was my parents driveway after a thunderstorm. It got me thinking of Puff the Magic Dragon and that phrase, "along the cherry lane". I grew up with this magical, flowery gift every spring. Few people get to experience pink snow. It was very cathartic to my state as of late.

I'm in this happy / chaotic mood that I'm desperately trying to work through and I think truthfully I just took on a bit too much. *stop sniggering* Last week we added my BIL's two adorable wonderful kids to our household and now we are a family of six with two cats. Which, is super. I am truthful here when I say I am so happy that we can provide a safe, happy place for them to live. Family is everything to me.

The downside is that I used the closet they will need as storage and I have no idea where in Sam's Hill I am going to put it all. So I've been looking at projects stashed that will never come to be and letting them go. I just can't do it all.

Before we had my beloved son I used to do a little of everything and there just isn't time for that anymore. Over the last six years I've figured out what is important to me and those are the things that I find time for so those are the things I will hold on to.

Also I'm trying so hard in being a half-way house for my Mother's things not to get lost in her stuff. Because every other week we clean at my parents then move everything up here and then distribute it as is needed. I want to make sure anything that is important to Mom gets to stay with Mom...who kicked on Wii and beat everyone in golf and bowling BTW.

And truth be told I am tired. This back and forth every other week is exhausting...the dust alone kills us even with masks for about three days. So after hard contemplation we've decided to quit the MS&W lamb cook-off. It is just too much. I admit it. I said I'd stop taking on more stuff when it got to be too much so this is me being good to my word. (If you want the recipe I'll be happy to send it to you.)



I finished the sock from 06...sorry about the color...and I really enjoyed it. I will make the other one but I'm going to take a break until after Fair in May and try to get stuff done for our booth. Knit Picks got some new sock yarn and after the nice woman at the local Italian deli asked me to help her with some itty bitty socks...I just couldn't resist. This Felici is scrumptious...I'm in love with it! Another gift from the parents was the Harmony double points and I love them too. There's not much about socks I don't love.

Oh, KnitterC is having a contest for her 500th post. Quite a milestone! If you stop by please mention I sent you. She is an amazing spinner...crafter...healer.

Thank you all for your birthday wishes. :) We did Wii and have really good BBQ and it was so fun my parents stayed until 7:00 p.m.! My wonderful in-laws came and it was quite a special day with a full house of loving family...a day I will always remember.

Take care...happy crafting,

Ruinwen
:)

Ever Connected

We are a strand in the web of life. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are connected.
-Chief Seattle-

You would laugh if you saw me today. Most people try and look their best on their birthdays but this is my day to work out at lunch and the health of my body is very important to me: hence the sweat attire.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I walk at lunch because it is the only time I really have to do so. I go at least a mile and where as that may not be a lot, it is more then nothing and it makes me feel good. I like to feel good.

Today is also Family Fun Night which means from the time I walk in the house to the time I go to bed at 8:00 p.m.: no IPod, no TV, no video games (even handheld ones), no computer…I even try not to use the microwave or oven by picking up a healthy meal on the way home.

Even though today is my birthday and I’d like to pick a video game and have some fun I will not be selfish. The family time we have is priceless. We all enjoy the change in pace…although not checking e-mail is hard…harder for the DH. lol

I admit fully that I’m a hard core gamer. I really love my video games. So for my b-day celebration when the family gets together on Sunday I told them what I really wanted: to get food from Main Street and to Wii as a family…just to have fun with the people I love.

I’ve always wondered why kids get to have so much fun on their b-days with celebrations and themes and stuff. I’m all about themes. I’m starting my own tradition. I’m 40 this year and I’m darn proud of where I am and I think one day of having fun like a 5 year old (without the tantrums…as long as I’ve had my coffee) sounds cathartic.

This week my tarot card was the 9 of Swords. The normal translation for this card is misery, sadness, terrible things…but the way I read it is different. I usually take the card and find out where it is on the Kabbalah tree of life before resigning myself to a reading.

This card is in the 9th sephiroth (or sphere) which is completion of a cycle and making way for a new cycle. Swords are air and representative of communication, creativity, learning and other air correspondences.

To me this card is saying you are still working on a bunch of things that are in their end phases and you just need to get them done so new stuff can come in. But I have also been listening to the people that surround me and their communication has been cruel and petty this week. I have chose not to get involved or offer to help when people are starting from a place of anger. I’ve just backed off and left politely and quickly shielded myself from the onslaught of negative energy.

This week I feel like I am in medias res. Caught in the middle of all my project where the beginning was a long time ago and the end is far from sight. But that is okay because at least I am somewhere right?

I’ve been teaching socks everywhere it seems…and it feels good. Socks are a little thing. But warm feet can make a person warm enough to turn down the heat a bit…thus helping the Earth a bit…because every little bit makes a difference…because we are all connected.

Bright blessings,

Ruinwen
:)