|Nature carpets the land with hues of Fall|
A piece of paper fell off my shelf today. It says, “I need to create a self ritual the will allow the self to feel a shift.”
I’ve done that. Everything in my life has shifted and I am so thankful to the PTB.
But even though I am grateful, and so blessed I feel this nagging deep in my soul at the things that I have left undone.
When we last spoke I was cleaning out the basement and I made some real progress before stopping.
And I had good reasons but I still feel this sense of shame and guilt that I can’t shake.
I have also felt bad about not blogging. Each week I would work on things that I couldn't share with you all yet. And that is what I am focusing on so there would be nothing to say. And I didn't just want to blab about something to fill space because this blog has never been about that.
So, I just didn't post and it bothered me. But I was doing stuff and things were going on...really.
Starting off the yarn was late for my submission. So when I got it I had to drop everything to knit which took most of my time for two weeks. At the same time, I had to finish writing the pattern based on my observations in my knitting. I had to learn the way that the magazine writes patterns and everyone was amazing during the process. I am so thankful for everyone at TKGA for their support and kindness with my first submission.
As the deadline for the submission was looming. We had our pest company come in and redo the insulation in the attic. They think that is where the mice were coming in. So at least I worked towards keeping the mice out of my yarn room from a certain point of view.
Right after I sent off my submission I started getting ready for KDO and two days after submitting my sis and I were off to PA. Our classes were great and we had a lot of fun. I am so thankful for KDO having me back again as a teacher. I really love everything about that event. Everyone is amazing and so friendly.
I got back from the event with an idea that I couldn’t shake so I started working on charts as I ordered yarn and when the yarn showed up I was ready to knit. I am super excited about pitching this class in the spring. I am ultra proud of myself; I will have the pattern and the examples done by the time the sign-up comes around.
I am doing two different options for KDO and right now I am waiting for the new yarn to get here. While I am waiting I am working on my spring submission for TKGA…forgot to mention I had an idea and am waiting for the committee to say yay or nay. But, I need to flesh out my idea so I have been working on that too.
So, I have been working consistently, every single day on some aspect of my designer goals.
I should not be upset with myself for not finishing the basement because I was doing my job. But I am. So that is where I am at.
In Hawaii, there is a word Ho’oponopono. It means to rectify or make right an error. Traditionally, it would involve the whole family coming together to heal from being wronged. The whole family would be present for the healing process where the family member could ask for forgiveness from each person and the wrong could be mended.
Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona a Hawaiian Kahuna recognized that this process would be helpful on the individual level and modified the original ritual to focus on the self.
“We are the sum total of our experiences, which is to say that we are burdened by our pasts. When we experience stress or fear in our lives, if we would look carefully, we would find that the cause is actually a memory. It is the emotions which are tied to these memories which affect us now. The subconscious associates an action or person in the present with something that happened in the past. When this occurs, emotions are activated and stress is produced.”
Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona
The process of Ho’oponopono has four phrases that can be repeated in any order.
Please forgive me
I love you
When you say these words like a mantra you reconnect to your inner Divine light. This mantra will slowly open up the part of you that is holding on to the past with negative intent. Like an onion peeling back layer upon layer the negative connection you have to the past will dissolve as you learn to forgive yourself.
I am going to say this until I don’t feel bad about the basement project and the mulch and all the things that I have put off to work on my dream.
There are so many things that I did accomplish and I should be really proud and focusing on those things.
- I have been keeping to my schedule and I either knit or work on patterns each day. Most days I focus 6 - 8 hours on my designing.
- I clean some aspect each day and afterward strive to keep it cleaned.
- Laundry is a given. It is kept up with and put away when dry.
- I have walked my steps every day since July. DH and I are walking three days a week as well.
- I have kept to my calories since July.
- I journal every day and honor my creative voice.
- I cook every day and keep the kitchen clean.
- I am trying new things.
- But most of all, I have learned to believe in myself and my talents. I keep taking risks and putting myself out there and then following through. It has been an amazing journey so far and I am really proud of myself.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.