Falling Into Place

I've been looking back a lot lately and accepting that I have come really far on this knitting journey.  😀

It's hard to remember when knitting something new scared me, but it did and I conquered each one of those fears by knitting through them.

I've realized that all those dreams that I talked about for years have happened.  I am so blessed to be here and able to work on my dreams.  I do not take any of this for granted.

I am very, very grateful, to the Universe and my family and friends who have always supported me and cheered me on.  I am thankful to all my teachers and students who have always helped me to see another view and perspective in creating knitting, classes, and patterns.  I am thankful to you, dear reader, be you here today or in the future, may you be blessed by creativity and light.  Thank you for visiting my blog, it is a labor of love, sweat, tears, and discovery.

Woven through all these years is my journey to heal or at least make peace with my anxiety.  Most of the time my fears make no sense or have no bearing on what is actually going on, but I can't always see that.

I have so many patterns that are half done or just missing something because I think it gives me an excuse to validate that "not good enough" crap that my mental monologue goes through.

And...well, I am tired of it.  I have been firing back with a child's "why?" every chance I get and usually there is this vague feeling but no real truth.

I can get behind my fear of mouse droppings since they can actually be dangerous.  I can get behind my desire to have a safe environment with Covid out there still.  But I can't get behind my inner fear storytelling me I'm not good enough anymore or that I can't do something, because I can.  It may take work and I may not be amazing at it the first time but that is okay.  Everyone learns their craft or skill in a way that makes sense to them.

I talked for years about wanting a YouTube channel and now I have one.  I put out whatever I can't show in three pictures to help provide an alternate way to view what I am teaching in a tutorial or stitch pattern.   My video creation knowledge is still in a stage of infancy but I have learned so much and I am proud of what I have been able to share and create.   Do I still have a lot to learn, yes...but that is okay.  I am going to enjoy every part of the learning process.

I only talked for three weeks about wanting an Instagram account and I did the research and set it up and I feel that it has been so wonderful to have this connection with like-minded crafters and yarn creators.  Again, I am learning lingo and hashtags and such and it is fun.  I am enjoying the journey.

I'm done dreaming about the things that I could have done and I am starting to do them.  It took a while to get things set up but now I feel that I am in a good place to start going through my to-do list.

First on that list is to look at my Ravelry patterns which there are only a few because I have 60 in my computer here that need testing or knitting or something that should be in there...but I digress...

I want to reknit and rebrand each of those patterns.  I want to see if they need videos or I can hook them up to blog posts.  I want to spend a little time which each of them and then I can move on knowing that I have done my best with what I have out there.

One of Vixenpath's goals is to create patterns that have all the steps that a beginner might need to stair-step up to the level that the pattern is on.  A lot of times you see patterns on a rating system and I understand that is necessary for the formats that they are presented in.  These patterns might be missing steps that will help beginner knitters to partake in the pattern without going to YouTube and doing research.

I've read that this frustrates people and I know that I can't accommodate everyone but I do try to add as much information as I can to a pattern.  When I publish a pattern, I like to make it accessible to anyone that can knit and purl.  I agree that adding videos and tutorials to help fill in these gaps can be very helpful and I am working on that as well.  But in the end, my patterns are more like little tutorials and that could be because I started as a teacher. 

*steps on soapbox* 

But more so it came from hearing, "I can't make that because I am not good enough," and that hurts because everyone is good enough.  You may not have the skills yet but your worth does not come from a pattern or how well you knit.  You are worthy just by being the amazing being that is you.

*steps off soapbox*

I want to provide instructions to empower people to be able to enjoy the process of their knitting step by step.  If you can knit and purl you can knit linen stitch.  Linen stitch is simply moving the placement of the working yarn to the front or the back depending on the row combined with knits or purls,  and the end result is magical

So, I am starting with Frederick.

I've talked about Frederick before and it makes me think of Mom and Dad because they would read me Frederick and I just loved the whole idea of it.  Even now as an adult, envisioning this little mouse grabbing colors and things to say so that the mice have sustenance on a cold winter's day always touches a place in me deep down.

I was paging through my Instagram when I came upon a yarn that really grabbed me in Miss Babs's feed.  

This beautiful yarn reminds me of English manicured gardens full of roses, hyacinths, and of course irises.  I immediately thought of Frederick and his colors and I knew that this was the moment that I would actually go back and edit anything that needed it, rebrand, and re-knit a new cover photo for my Ravelry patterns.

right side

wrong side

I am really excited to knit with this yarn.  It is so soft between my fingers and so very lovely to look at. 

Linen stitch has always fascinated me how it looks woven on one side and bumpy and beautiful on the other.  I made this pattern to showcase the beauty in yarn that appears when you use slip stitch patterns like this one.  This is about eight hours of work and I think the way the colorway is dancing through the stitches is gorgeous!

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My friend made another beautiful baby blanket and I had the pleasure to block it for her.  The yarn is Mandala by Lion Brand and it has such lovely pastel color changes.

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Happy crafting!

Ruinwen

😀

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Safe socially-distanced hugs  🤗

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Sending love and light to everyone being affected by this virus.  

May you be safe.  

May your loved ones be safe.  

🙏

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Sending love and light to everyone facing discrimination, hate, prejudice, inequality, or racism.

🙏🙏💖💖🙏🙏

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Vixenpath is a safe space.

If you are:

LGBTQ+

Black

Brown

Asian

Any race

Coming out

Anything.

I am a safe person and I will always hold space for you in love and light.

Fear and Faith

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I found that this weekend I was struggling here and there to get some rows on the shawl in and you know what?...the shawl is done.  We blocked it last night and I think it was gorgeous.  It was soft and airy and I'm glad I could help someone out who has given so much to me by just being my friend.

So how did I manage to get so much done in such a short time when my own projects seem to lag?  Did the equinox cause some flux in my knitting that created a hole in the time space continuum long enough for me to accelerate my knitting speed this weekend?  Well in a way, yes.

I knew that my deadline was Wednesday, and I knew how many rows I needed, plus a day of blocking, in order to achieve that goal.  I knew that I had to bring it with me and knit on it during the day and during movie watching in order to achieve this goal. I did what I could here and there...and here is the truth of it that is so simple, but so hard to see when you are looking at the entirety of the project...doing something on a project every day pushes it forward; doing nothing...does well, nothing.  There can be no growth without effort on my part.

So all those projects in the drawer down in my beautiful new Craft Room are not going to grow without my help.  They are like little acorns with all the potential in the world; but without the elements of air, fire, water and earth...they are still just acorns instead of mighty oaks.

This was one of the parts of our Mabon ritual last Sunday.  It was such a blessing to have a ritual again with my family out in nature.  It has really invigorated me and helped me to feel more balanced which, helps with my sense of flow.

We also celebrated the duality in things; sun / moon, hot / cold and so on.  We each drew a mask that touched on what ever aspect of duality we wanted to expand on and the above picture is my sister's creation.  Isn't it fabulous?  We all have our aspects of creativity that run in our veins and you know where mine lies...but my sister has always been so talented with drawing. The shirt she is wearing may look familiar...it is the Vixenpath logo she designed!

While she was wearing this mask it was hard to match the voice to the face and it really helped to drive home what you see on the outside doesn't really show you what is on the inside.  I have a friend who always says, "yes" to everything and last weekend she put her foot down.  She had taken on too much and she was at her breaking point and she didn't want to let anyone down but she was afraid that if she took on one more thing she would shatter into a million pieces.

When she said, "no" everyone didn't understand since this was not the usual mask she wore...the always helpful one that suffers in silence because that is the way it has always been mask. They tried to get her to change her mind but that was not going to happen.  She needed to take some time for herself or she would not be there for anyone else; even her Doctor had told her this.

I for one, was proud of her.  I have listened to her talk about how she couldn't handle it for years now.  But even I had to look again because the face telling me the story was not the one I was used to seeing.  Her face was radiant and the dark circles under her eyes were receding as the light emerged from within her.

We all wear masks.  One of mine is my confidence mask.  When I am doing something new I usually have a panic attack even when I don't want to.  I've tried very hard to hide this fact over the years and it is just in these last few months that I have opened up to people about it.  After I lost Mom I just fell apart and all those masks that have served me well over the ages just fell away.  I lost all my defenses and the inner and the outer bled together and this is the "real" me.

When I design a pattern; I try so hard to test it.  I usually test it three times myself and then I teach a class and test it again before I even think of putting it out there.  I have also been having my sister read through for grammatical errors as well as of late.  I am so afraid of doing something wrong and having someone have a bad experience through my patterns but you know what?...all designers feel this way.  They all have testers for this reason.  They all dread a mistake...but that is life.

I can either be like a project that is never worked on that sits in a drawer and never grows or I can be like the project that I bring everywhere and grows little by little.  The first rows you really can't tell what the project will be.  But as the piece grows the fabric takes shape and you start to become excited by the way the colors play in the light.

I choose to take the next step and claim a little more of my potential.  The fact that I am a designer is not a mask; it is a truth that permeates me.  As I take these next steps there is fear but that is okay because there is faith as well.  Without the fear, I couldn't claim the faith. Without the fear I wouldn't necessarily put the care I do into my patterns.  They are dual to my nature and both are necessary for my growth.

So I give you two new patterns:

The first is my journey into brioche, one and two color knitting.

The second is my journey into linen stitch and textures with color.

I learned so much creating these two patterns.  I have been blessed to be able to create two new patterns this year and teach them as well.  This has been a powerful journey; both patterns were created while I was in different stages of loss.  I was knitting on the Beginners Brioche the day I found out Mom wasn't going to be with us much longer.  You can read about the brioche here. Frederick my linen stitch shawlette / shawl was born from the love of my parents and a book that they used to read to me.  I wrote about it here.

Here are the patterns on Ravelry; you don't need to be a member to purchase / down load them.

Beginners Brioche which is free -  download now

Frederick, new pattern priced at $2.50 -  

These are both active links that will download or send you to Pay Pal.  If you would like to look at either of their pattern pages on Ravelry; here they both are.

Beginners brioche

Frederick

So, my life is bound in those stitches, in these offerings that I am putting up on Ravelry. There is both fear and faith but that is okay since it is in my nature.

May you have the blessings of an abundant harvest,

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen

:)

What a Wonderful Event!

Yesterday I was honored to be a teacher at the Knitter's Day Out event in PA.  It was a really nice event with beautiful knitting from a myriad of local sellers.  I met such awesome people in my class and I am thankful to all of them.  It was such a joy watching all of their colorways knit up; everyone made a different vibrant fabric that was unique and beautiful in its own right.  Plus, I got to spend the day with my sister who I always am blessed to spend time with.  :)

The above sample is knit with something from my stash that I love the slow gradient on; when I finally unpack the living room I can tell you what it is.  I tried to make as many mistakes as I could to show what happens when you pull too tight in linen stitch, but the colors really are lovely, aren't they?

I will be getting my linen stitch pattern Frederick up in a few weeks.  I really like it and after seeing so many beautiful versions of it yesterday; I'd love to see what other lovely colorways are out there. 

Next week I should have more room pictures for you.  After a grueling 4 hours with my Container Store room planner, we have two room organizing systems on order, mine and my sons Lego room.  They even had Lego-themed sorting systems that will be so nice for him to use and we can finally have a place for the 3-foot ship he got earlier this year.  It is all so exciting but it really keeps you busy when you are redoing your house.  A very happy busy, but busy none-the-less.  :)

I hope you all are having a beautiful day!

Happy crafting!

Ruinwen

:)

Do Or Do Not There Is No Try

"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, live, and love."
-- Leo Buscaglia

In the past, I talked about how I was stuck in this no-win situation.  I was afraid to fail; I was scared to succeed   I had talked myself into a stalemate where I just couldn't win.  But, I'm over that.  I have opened up the flood-gates to the Universe to help me in creating a better self and I am open to whatever they send to me.

I've been teaching, designing, planning a knitting cruise (more on that in later posts) and now I'm honored to be teaching at Knitter's Day Out.  My bio is on the same page as so many wonderful knitters and I'm just kind of pinching myself.  This really is a dream come true to be able to teach in such a wonderful venue surrounded by such amazing talent.

I am doubly happy that I will be able to teach the pattern the Frederick Shawl that honors my parents.  I can't really show the shawl yet so the little slice of linen stitch above will have to suffice for now.  I am so elated with the flow of this pattern.

This is Schaefer's Miss Priss in Gertrude Elion.  Schaefer is one of my favorite yarns for so many reasons.  Their colorways are named after famous women.  The yarn is so vibrant and wonderful to work with.  Sadly, Schaefer closed it's doors last year that is why I have no link for them.  I've been buying all the last stock that my LYS has, since this wonderful yarn will soon only be a memory woven in my projects and sitting in my stash.

Speaking of my stash, I tried to organize it a bit.  I swear I think the wool actually is breeding in my craft boxes, or maybe I just keep buying in my sleep.  Hmmmm.  I'm also working on organizing my patterns as well.  I've been taking all my silly notes and problem solving for my patterns and keeping them in a folder with sides and I put all my swatches in there as well.  That way my whole creative process is right there in one place.

Most of the week I spent organizing; there is always so much to do!  I've been trying to catch up on all the little things that I've let slide and I was able to take care of quite a few of them.

This week I have been happy to eat the produce as it comes in season.  We had such horrible bitter tomatoes this winter that it really forced me to eat foods that were more in season like squash and zucchini.  But now, there are radishes and tomatoes without all that acid available again and it makes me very happy.  I created a little salad for myself with gluten-free/dairy-free cheese and a safe dressing of berries and vinegar and it was so good.  I love salads.  I just have to be so careful with everything.

Right after Christmas, I started a food elimination program to help determine why I was doubling over in pain after meals.  For the first month, I ate nothing but all whole foods containing none of the big four contaminants: gluten, dairy, fructose and yeast.  This was a hard diet to maintain.  I found the foods I could eat and that was it.

I started to really look into food.  I've always been conscious about my dining decisions but I really had to dig deep into each food to see what might be lurking inside.  For instance chicken; many chickens are injected with things even though they say "all-natural".  I couldn't trust anything.  So this was truly an eye-opening experience to my food consumption.

I tested each of the "big four" and if a test was negative I could add that food back in.  It was a long process and now I know that I am dairy intolerant (not just lactose) and gluten intolerant.  This is on top of my citrus allergy which is much more dangerous.

So for the past few months I've been adjusting to this new diet and I've been working out what I can eat.  The biggest thing is cheese.  I miss my cheese; so I've been trying the soy cheeses and I've found one that melts and tastes pretty good.  It comes in a few flavors and I still have to try the cream cheese.  The crumbles melted and stretched like mozzarella should.   The pepper-jack had a nice heat to it and melts like a dream on my tuna.

But my biggest regret was all the deserts that I wouldn't be able to eat anymore.  In rushes Sterling Sweets to the rescue!  Their deserts are gluten free, dairy free, vegan, casein free, soy free, sesame free, peanut and tree nut free, refined sugar free and Kosher!  I find them all so delectable.  My favorite is the Coconut Chocolate Bars...they are like the This-over-that squares my Mom used to make.  I put in an order each week and they come fresh right from the kitchen.

So, all these diet restrictions take getting used to but I'm working my way through them to find a healthy balance.  I've lost that five pounds I couldn't lose and I've been maintaining my weight for about three months now.  At some point I'd like to start working out again but for now I just have to be content with the calories burned while knitting; which for my height and weight is 30 calories per hour.

Have a safe and beautiful Memorial weekend.
Ruinwen
:)

Frederick

Mastery does not come from dabbling.  We have to be prepared to pay the price.  We need to have the sustained enthusiasm that motivates us to give our best.
- Eknath Easwaran

I have been obsessed in trying to figure something out.  Every day I have my swatches, charts and notes out and every day I am defeated by math and the universe.  But I don't give up.  Usually after a week of watching me try and fail my hubby will step in with some great ideas.  If Friday rolls around and I still don't have an answer then I'll ask the knitting girls for some input.  If all else fails; I close my eyes, quiet my soul and pray.

Sometimes it seems that these obsessions of mine are a hindrance, but truly they help to motivate me and propel me forward.  They force me to question and think about things in a way that I might not have ever thought about.

And while I'm in this "special" place where I'm out of my box and my routines I see things from an enlightened perspective.  It was from this "place" that I cleaned my altar room on Saturday.  I celebrated and mourned, I laughed and wept.  I held each of my treasures and lovingly dusted them off and remembered why they were there before placing them back.  I made sure that Mom had her bracelet and Dad had his dog-tags.  I found the letters that were hidden behind his picture and wept again.  All the time I was playing spiritual music and singing when the spirit moved me and this cathartic act of simply cleaning and remembering changed everything.  Time had stopped for me and when I emerged from my cocoon I realized three hours had passed in what seemed like a half an hour to me.

But then life happened and I left the "special" place until much later in the week.  I had been fiddling with an idea that had suddenly popped into my head but there was no real-time to test it. At dinner, I showed it to my husband on a napkin and he showed me his idea and there it sat.

After my spiritual bath, I usually pick a tarot card and then meditate for a bit before going to bed but instead, I looked at my beautifully clean altar and looked into Mom and Dad's eyes and felt a stirring of compassion and love; like a hug but with more to it.  Once again I got out a pen and began to write out the pattern I was trying to crack line by line; but this time, it worked.

So I've decided to dedicate this shawl pattern, Frederick, (which will be kinda "hush-hush" until after I teach it) to my beloved parents.

Here is the blurb part of my pattern:

"This shawl is dedicated to my beloved parents who taught me to read at a very young age.  Frederick by Leo Lionni, is a book about a mouse who stored away things for the cold winter days like sunshine, words and colors.  My hope is that on those gray days that pass through our lives you can take out this shawl and its colors will bring you joy."

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for everything!  You were always there for me; even now I can feel your love and support; your compassion and your kindness.  I love you now and forever.

May your crafts be full of color that make you smile,
Ruinwen
:)