Friday, April 01, 2011

Back In A Month

I need to take a break.

I don’t know how to write this in words that make sense to anyone else but me but I’m going to try.

Right now I am struggling with my blog. I find that I feel guilty about not posting or knitting something new…and right now it is more of a chore then the joy it used to be for me.

The situations around me do not change and I feel stuck even as I evolve and I know that I seem to be writing the same things over and over.

I was waiting for a sign to make this all make sense to me…and today it snowed. The Goddess told me sometimes in order to connect you need to disconnect first…like a reboot.

So this is me disconnecting from my blog for a month. After that time I will reassess all my blog issues.

In the meantime I hope to get caught up on all the blogs I am behind on…read my e-mail…and get caught up on Ravelry.

I’m going to take this time away to take a good hard look at my life and what I want vs what I can actually accomplish.

I’m not depressed. I’m burned out. I’ve burned the candle at both ends for too long and I need to step back for a bit.

They say the hardest part of a journey is the first step.
See you all in a month.

I am always awed that you are there to support and uplift me. I am blessed to have a beautiful cyber family like you.

Ruinwen
:)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Spring is Really Here


Crocus, originally uploaded by Ruinwen.

Look what popped up in my garden today! The bright color is so welcome after this cold winter.

I'm feeling as the sun has been returning I've been coming back to myself more and more. The chaos ever swirling around me never changes...but somehow when more light is present...it is not as unbearable.

I have finished the length of my sweater and the cabling looks really beautiful. I'm not sure that I like the bottom without a border...so I will have to contemplate that.

I have been doing a lot of that as of late...contemplating that is.

This is the time that I am planting my seeds for spring and I decided to keep it simple this time. I have honed my focus in five directions and I feel really good about that.

AIR - CREATIVITY
FIRE - HEALING
WATER - COMPASSION
EARTH - PROSPERITY
SPIRIT - CONNECTION

I meditated on it for a while and these were the things that really jumped out at me. Creativity is a given and encompassed under this title is finishing my shawl. Healing is something I need to do for myself. I am finishing up the Dentistry this month and then I will start on the whole Doctor thing. Compassion is necessary that I not be so hard on myself and more understanding of the previously mentioned chaos. Prosperity in all things is my mantra and always my focus. And last but not least; the connection of Spirit is not something I lack but rather I wish to deepen the times that I am open to Spirit's energy.

I wish you all a Happy Ostra this weekend as the spirit of Spring comes back to the land and our hearts.

Ruinwen
:)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

On The Needles


Mr. Greenjeans Sweater, originally uploaded by Ruinwen.

Excuse the strands of yarn everywhere...this is a work in progress. I am enjoying this knit and would love to make it in something else at some later point...but for now I'm loving this yarn.

The ribbing is really pretty with the cables in it. A scarf would be really lovely with that pattern and I may have to make that in the future.

Sorry this is a short post...but things are really in flux here and I'm not sure if I start pouring my heart out...I'll be able to stop.

Have a nice weekend,
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, March 04, 2011

Bobbles on the Thread of Life



I had a student of mine come by and ask me to make her booties and a hat for her first Grandchild. She had picked this sky blue yarn with a thread wrapped around it with bobbles attached. Truly it is a charming yarn to look at and when the project is done it looks as sweet as pie. But getting there...now that is a totally different story.

First of all just trying to make sure that those little bobbles get through the stitch is agonizing...secondly; it throws the gauge way off. She wanted newborn sizes of everything and it made all my patterns a size up which meant I would have to rewrite any pattern I had.

So all other projects had to go to the back burner as I worked on this commission. My sweater...my shawl. I am so behind it makes me want to cry. I thought I could just knock these out...well you know all the cliches about assuming...

This got me thinking about my trip to the dentist. The Valium did it's job and I was good and non-stressed. I can't tell you how many times that I fell asleep in that chair. But it's what happened afterward that got me pondering.

You see I couldn't compartmentalize anymore. I couldn't multi-task or do more then one thing at a time. My brain was so relaxed and calm that all it could do was think of one idea and focus on that. For instance I put in a load of laundry and then since that was all there was to do at that time promptly forgot about it. In fact in all fairness I can't remember putting it there in the first place.

I tried to do things like pack my bags for the next day like I always do...and I kept getting lost. There was no list in my head to follow of things that needed to be done...and I felt very helpless.

I thought to myself how does anyone function like this day to day?

Then I realized that this is what meditation is supposed to be like. A singular focus...flowing from one thing to the next without worrying about all the other things there are to do...it was about giving all to each moment before moving on to the next.

This is what surrendering everything and living in the moment felt like.

Right now in that moment something became very clear to me that has bothered me non-stop since that day...I am like that yarn I hated working with. All the things I fill my day with are like the bobbles on the thread...a thread that clings to every aspect of my day. Just like Atlas with his world...I don't leave home without my thread. Sometimes that thread becomes wound around itself so many times with all I am trying to shove into a moment that it becomes a bobble. Unfortunately, this is a regular part of each day.

But the most horrible truth is that I felt totally at loss in a world of surrender. I need to do more then one thing at a time now and then to make things work. If I don't pack up the books that need to go to the post office a day before I need to go...they might not get there. If I waited for the most opportune time to take them then I would owe money for not getting them back before the deadline.

Singular focus cannot cook food while unloading the dishwasher...to do so would be to dishonor the food being prepared or the task of cleaning the kitchen.

So where does that leave me? I've realize that as much as I would like to make some things happen in my life...to do so would make more bobbles then I can handle. I need to acknowledge that now is not the time to try and take on a second income. I cannot manage it. I work 40 hours a week, visit my parents as much as possible, have a second family living in our home, a son who usually has homework every night, a house to clean, clothes to wash, a family to cook for and a bunch of other stuff that is the central basis to my life.

Just managing to juggle all these things is a miracle to me. If I didn't have the love and support of my wonderful DH, friends and family I couldn't handle all that I do. But I do and I am so thankful.

Every Fair I always have all these big dreams and then we get to the next one and I'm just happy to have stock. I work a little on each goal but I still don't get all the way there. We've tried to make time to work on our products but the truth is we are tired by the weekend. We only get a few hours of family time during the week and our weekends are precious to us.

That is why last Fair my biggest goal was to actually finish the QOH shawl...and I'm going to do it before May. But I still need to replenish stock. I've been doing these commissions non-stop and that is really great...I am very thankful that people are coming to me to make things for them...but everything has to stop when I get a commission and my other projects get put on hold.

I felt extreme guilt that I worked on the QOH shawl last Friday at meet-up instead of my commission. But it had been a hard week and I wanted to work with the yummy lamb's wool.

My poor sweater does not exist. It is not even cast on and I feel horrible about it. Everyone else is all the way to the cabling or farther and I haven't even started.

But this is the reason I am very selective about KALs and such. I know that things just get bogged down in my life for periods of time and there is nothing I can do about that.

So here I am at Friday again...the booties are done. That hat is in progress. My shawl is at 13 repeats of 15. My sweater is in little balls of untouched beautiful yarn...and all of it is...okay.

I will knit on the hat at lunch and my shawl at meet-up and I will feel guilty about neither. I will get to the sweater when the hat is complete.

Just because I plan and organize doesn't mean that my life has to be totally filled with bobbles. When I look ahead it doesn't mean I can't shift my focus to the present moment. Knowing my limits and when to say, "No," is not a bad thing.

As always; all things will work out in the accordance of their time. I can plan and organize and create space for things but they all will become complete and whole when it is their time to do so. That is the way it has always been and I know that will never change.

Vixenpath will have what it needs to see us through another Fair. My shawl will get done. I will learn the lesson of taking care of myself and all the Dentists and Doctors will have been visited and I will catch up on my healthcare. I will learn to let go of the things I cannot change and lay them at the feet of the God and Goddess. I will understand that financial serenity is not based on a number but on the flow of prosperity.

****************


On a separate note. Look at this beautiful pendant the talented Birdsong made me. I love the energy that I feel emanating from this beautiful pendant. It has stones to represent each member of our family. I love the way the tree is interconnected yet the stones each shine separate and whole by themselves. If you want one of these for a gift or for your own family; send Birdsong a note and she can create a one-of-a-kind work of art for you.

****************

It is a little cold here but I think that we have seen our last snowfall (knock on wood). So my shawl shot will have to wait until next year. Oh well.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Ruinwen
:)

Friday, February 25, 2011

Ooops!

This week has been so crazy what with the snow...Dentist...Dad...and my head just generally not being on my shoulders that I forgot to write a post.

Please forgive me.

I know I said this last week...but next week I will do better. I have tons to show you and share and I will get my butt in gear and write a decent post.

I'm going to spend Saturday with Dad getting all his bills in order and then madly knitting to try and catch up with my commission work.

I hope you have a beautiful weekend.
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, February 18, 2011

A Not So Typical Week

It seems that February has hit me with a curve ball.

Each of us has been sick. It hit DH and me harder then our son so I am dragging and looking forward to a week of doing nothing.

I have not knit a stitch in a week.

Dad is in the hospital because he will not take care of himself nor let us do the job. The Assisted Living he stays in made me feel like I'm at fault when I have done all I can do. He does not listen to us and spouts Fatherly experience but in the end does nothing to help the situation. *sigh* Please pray for him and me while you are at it...this has been a hard week.

A SWAT team appeared as if by magic across from where I work. For two hours it was guns, black cars, helicopters and tons of operatives. Scared the heck out of me. They did catch someone...but I have no idea what happened.

Social Services was called again by my ex-SIL. So we did the same old song and dance and they came to the same conclusion. It pisses me off that once again my child was called out to talk to them and she has put my family in jeopardy as well as hers. She doesn't seem to understand that if indeed they found something wrong they would take my child as well and they would be taken into foster care before being given to another family member. She doesn't understand that she would not be that member. And it pisses me off that once again we had to do this. But apparently this is my life and the social worker seemed pretty upset she had to come and visit a place that was cleared 120 days ago.

To top it off my son's fish died today. He admitted like an adult that he does not want another fish. He cannot keep up with the needs of another living thing and do his homework. My sweet poor little boy. Thank you Speedy for your loyalty when I'd come up to the tank you'd always swim to greet me. May your journey on the rainbow road be full of perfect streams filled with sunbeams and happiness.

So TGIF. I have nothing to show for this week expect I survived it.

Love you all,
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, February 11, 2011

One Step Forward...Two Steps Back

My son and I went to the Dentist last night. He had no cavities and actually enjoyed going...yay. I hadn't been since before he was born (I know bad Ruinwen) so I didn't know what to expect. But apparently I have good brushing habits and my gums and what is under them is good. *whew* I have to go back for a scaling and to fill a few little cavities...but that is it.

I've made my appointment for the work. I'm going to take my Valium and go to my happy place and not get freaked out about this. The Dentist was the nicest one I have ever met. He was honest and explained everything and told me that he would not do anything until I was good and numbed.

He said after that if I keep up what I've been doing and see him every six months then I shouldn't have to have scaling done again...or get a cavity. So I'm doing what my sister said...treat my body in the same way as my financial serenity (which is getting a set back of a thousand dollars) ...this is my first step to healthy serenity. Yay me. :)

*****************************

IMG_3762

If you read this blog then you know that numbers and I don't get along. Sometimes I get dollars and time mixed up and it quite frustrating. Well apparently I also get inches and gauge mixed up and it was equally upsetting. After finally finding the gauge for my sweater I was told by a friend that I had seen 4 stitches where it said 4 inches...big difference.

So I swallowed what was left of my pride and ripped out my swatch and began again. This time I used size 9 needles and got my gauge on the first try. *happy dance* This is my sample swatch of the cable ribbing on the bottom of the sweater. The first part was done with size 9 needles and the second was knit with 8s. The pattern calls for a step down in needle size when you get to the ribbing. I understand that this helps to shape and create an accented waist...but I wonder if I need to go down a size.

This is superwash and I'm not sure how it blocks compared to actual wool. So I'm going into this with more questions then answers but the actual start of this sweater is Saturday. My friends are taking a class together and I am going to start it at home. So when we all get together we should be on equal ground.

*****************************



At Imbolic one of the things I start doing is looking at seeds. In many ways this is torture to me. I'd love to plant herbs in all the beds but we have these termite things in each bed. I'm leery to eat anything that goes into that dirt. Plus they spray around the house so those beds are off limits for herbs or vegetable matter.

And the past few years I haven't really had time to garden; but this year I want to plant some flowers in the beds and get some more containers for a few herbs and maybe a few veggies.

When looking at an herb I have a lot of criteria that I consider. First it has to be something I will use in cooking or medicinally. I always like it to have a strong spiritual connection as well.

Take calendula for example. It is wonderful as a topical remedy for wounds and skin irritations. Calendula is known for its anti-inflammatory, astringent, anti-fungal, antiseptic, antioxidant, antiviral, and mild antibacterial properties.

Note: Calendula is generally considered safe for topical application. It should not be applied to an open wound without a doctor’s supervision. People who are sensitive to plants in the daisy or aster family, including chrysanthemums and ragweed, may also have an allergic reaction to calendula (usually a skin rash).

It can be used to create a rich beautiful yellow dye which has been used by many cultures. The leaves and petals can be sprinkled on salads or used in cooking. Some call it the poor man's saffron. You gain that rich yellow when you use it in your cooking; but it doesn't have saffron's same exotic flavor.

In magic its powers come from the sun and the element of fire. It is an herb of protection, bolstering self confidence, aiding in legal matters and helping decipher or induce prophetic dreams.

As a Flower Essence it has Positive qualities for healing warmth and receptivity, especially in the use of the spoken word and in dialogue with others. It aids in patterns of imbalance of using cutting or sharp words; argumentative, lack of receptivity in communication with others.

And finally it is really a beautiful herb. It has a sunny scent and looks striking in a bouquet of wildflowers. The one I'm looking at has a high resin content just for medicinal usage and it is a brilliant bright orange; the kind you might see at sunset.

So these are all the factors I think about as I think about planting. Right now our land is covered in snow and it is hard to think that spring is right around the corner...but a certain groundhog said spring was coming early and I choose to believe him. :)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend,
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, February 04, 2011

Disillusionment



One alone is not enough. You need both together.
Winter, summer. Moon and sun.
Lesson number one.

Like a rock you must be hard.
Like an oak you must stand firm.
Cut quick like my blade.
Think fast unafraid.

But you're still out of balance.
You're only halfway there.

Like a cloud you are soft.
Like bamboo you bend in the wind.
Creeping slow.
You're at peace because you know
It's okay to be afraid.

From Disney's Mulan II

*********
I just drew the 9 of wands for my Imbolic card reading. The Goddess wants me to persevere in the days to come.

But right now I am bummed. In the whole of the Universe my little trivial feelings mean nothing; but right now in this moment I am sad....really sad. You might remember how happy I was to get my little belly ring to honor my belly for all it has done in creating life. But not all these piercings take and after mine caught on the laundry basket it has never been the same. It began migrating a bit ago and I turned a blind eye to the whole thing. After all the pain and fear I had to overcome to get this done had to account for something. But tonight after drawing that card...I knew I had to take it out. And a part of me is mourning tonight. It seems most of the time I do something for myself it never works out as well as the things I do for others.

*sigh*

There is more ice and sleet on the way. More time for introspection as the world freezes and time is held captive. And I can hear the Goddess saying that I can't give up...I have to keep walking the path. All will be well.

But the path seems to be covered in a foot of snow and I think that I have lost my way again.

I'm not sure what She wants me to do or where I am to go.

I have been throwing all my creative energies into my knitting as of late. The shawl is growing by leaps and bounds and I can't believe I will be done before Spring graces the land. *believe me, my crocuses will not be rising anytime soon*

I have a pattern in the works that I've been wanting to make for me and I think it will be adorable. Our group is making a sweater together and I just ordered my yarn after much debate. So I am looking forward to some knitting for me in February. Then in March I need to work on stuff for the store. But Feb will be about finishing my shawl...knitting on a sweater that I plan to wear all the time and making something that came out of a dream two weeks ago. I'll share more as I obtain the yarn and more of a clue of what I am doing.

*********

I saw the moon and She was just a sliver hanging in the sky getting ready to go dark. I remember a lesson She taught me a long time ago that even the moon needs to take some time to bring Her light within. Her time of darkness is necessary to Her renewal. All living things need this time to go within and renew. Why should I be any different?

Bridget came to me today after the ice covered us this morning and gave me an answer for my question of last night. She told me that my path at this time is to cultivate me. I need this time to renew myself...to heal those things that need to be healed...to lessen my stress...to attend to things that I have ignored. This is my time to go dark and turn my light within.

*********

To be in balance is the greatest challenge anyone can face. Life often skews us one way or another and it takes a lot to tip the scales back to the center again.

There are many plants that know one cannot be strong all the time. When the winds of adversity come they bend with the pressure instead of cracking and breaking to pieces.

But ice is another story. A layer of ice on the trees seems beautiful; yet let it accumulate and it too will break even those that are pliant and lithe.

Ice can be equated to frozen thoughts. One troublesome thought can be nagging but with patience and perseverance you can work through it. But if that thought is layered upon itself over and over then your emotions can't help but spiral out of control.

February is a time to stop and go within. The snow and ice makes you slow down whether you want to or not.

I'm going to take this month to reach inside myself instead of outside. I have two projects that I would like to work on besides the shawl but beyond that I will focus on the shawl. I am up to 11 repeats and working on the 12th. I can do this.

I am going to the dentist on Tuesday. A part of me is screaming while a part of me is standing strong...so together I am in balance. lol

*********

I got my yarn yesterday for my sweater and I realized that I ordered the gauge of the yarn in the pattern but that instead of 4.5 stitches to the inch it called for...they really wanted 4 stitches to the inch. And this yarn that they used is bigger then mine by a bit so where as they can get gauge on an 8 or 9 sized needle; mine is more around the 10.5 range.

The problem is will this distort the stitches having such a small yarn on such huge needles? I was so happy to finally get gauge but I wonder if doubling up the yarn would make a difference. The problem with doubling is I lose the effect of the yarn. This yarn has a magical rainbow effect that drew me to choosing this yarn in the first place.

So I'm kinda lost on which way to go. But maybe the huge needle size won't change the pattern that much...it could all be in my head. The point is one way or another I'm still going to make this sweater.

If you have any words of wisdom from past experience with gauge like this...please let me know.

Have a super weekend!
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, January 28, 2011

On Idle




This week we found ourselves blessed with a lot of snow. I must have pulled something shoveling because I find myself having trouble typing and I couldn't hold a knitting needle either. So this will be a short post.

"Work is not always required ... there is such a thing as sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected."
-- George MacDonald

I had a day and 1/2 off due to the snow. And during that time I got nothing accomplished. When I got home I was cold and tired and just needed some R&R. So I spent time playing with my son and niece. Today I shoveled for three hours and that was it. DH was sick...and I was frozen and aching and...well...done.

We can't be moving all the time. We must take time to pause in between each great action to get our breath and renew our spirit.

This morning when I shoveled there was this great peace to the quiet day dawning all white and pristine. With my music in my ears I didn't really mind the work. But after a while I became wet and numb with the repetitiveness of the act of shoveling and realized this is an example of day to day life.

Many of us do the same things over and over until we become numb with the tediousness of it. It is only the pauses in between that make these tasks bearable. And when we ask so much of ourselves we must give back to our resources least we become depleted from our endeavors.

I used to have this terrible guilt when I just became lax on the weekend. But now I realize that this is a necessary part of the cycle. The things that need to be done are always taken care of. That goes without saying. But I'm taking more time to recharge instead of thinking that I have to keep moving 24/7.

I need to not let the guilt that crops up during these times effect me. It is so easy to fall into the trap of doing something for the wrong reasons.

As Imbolic / Candlemas approach I am reminded that once again I must bring forth my seeds from spirit and decide what I'm focusing on this Spring.

Air - I am going to finish my Queen of Hearts Shawl
Fire - I am going to find a way to work out with 6 people in this house
Water - I am going to learn when to pause and be still
Earth - I am continuing the path of financial serenity
Spirit - We are continuing to celebrate the full moons as a Family

Those are my goals. I hope to grow great fruit with them and have a bountiful harvest in the fall.

*hugs* to you all
Runwen
:)

Friday, January 21, 2011

Why I Believe I am a Pisces



*all this is speculation of my own. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind or create a flame war. I'm just trying to figure some things out.*

I know that you have heard about this. For a moment it felt like everything I knew was challenged; the world felt off kilter and suddenly I didn't even know my own self.

I have always thought I was an Aries...I blamed my sign for most of my behavior but in truth I never have been a very good Aries because of some of my core beliefs that have always been with me.

Aries are warriors and I am not; I am a peace-at-any-price kind of person. A ram's element is fire. Don't get me wrong I love a good fire...and I love the sun; but water is and always has been more my element. I have to immerse myself in water during the week...it regenerates me. I listen to the waves before bed to shut off my mind chatter. Being by the water centers me and invigorates me. I love listening to rain...I sleep my best during storms. And the liquid I take in more then any other is water. Most days it is all I drink. My body craves it and it always feels better after I've taken in cool...fresh...water.

While I do have the Arian..."let's start something and I will lead the way and then I will step back and see what comes of it attitude"...I'd much rather express myself through creativity and helping others. In fact sometimes I help too much. An expressed concern from friend or family sends me spiraling to help even when it wasn't really asked for. I've already come up with at least three ways to work out their problem...when it wasn't really a problem to begin with.

I have the Piscean...(or would that be Picon for us BSG fans?)...attitude that everybody's needs come before mine...and then I can be happy. Which, I know isn't necessarily a good thing.

I have an Arian stubbornness. But the water can be stubborn too...it just does it in a more subtle way.

First and foremost I see myself as a Healer which is more Piscean. I think in my youth I was happier to be a warrior and leader but now I feel that my view of life has changed. I do not need to lead to feel happy. In fact I'm happy to sit back on Friday night and bask under someone else's leadership. It feels like a sigh of relief to have somewhere to go that all I have to do is sit and knit.

And as I look back a lot of my control issues were not what they seemed. I'd have a party so I wouldn't have to go somewhere I didn't know. It was easier to break my bank buying supplies and having to clean my house the next day then going somewhere else and maybe having a panic attack.

To this day I still get panic attacks when I have to go somewhere that is different then the day-to-day. Now I breathe through them and take some Bach Rescue Remedy and I can see them for what they are. But in the past I didn't understand that; all I could feel was this sense of dread and I needed to be as far from it as possible...not very Arian.

If they are really bad I just ask for someone to go with me. I've learned that I can't always do it on my own and there is no shame in that. But that was a hard lesson to learn.

My moods swing like the many faces of water. And with me it is more what is under the surface then what is floating up top. everything has a deeper meaning to me.

I can feel emotions off of people like heat radiating from the sun. I am very emphatic and not just people but places and ideas. I have trouble when I am not feeling my own emotions to allow them to disperse. I have worked very hard not to take on someone or something else's emotions. But there are still times that one look from a stranger can make me cry because I feel their anguish and it tears me up inside.

I like to work alone...though I'm like my Mom...I want someone nearby...even on a different floor...because I don't like being totally alone.

I have the ability to day dream...I prefer to call it visualization. Like mental chess I take a situation in my head and project different scenarios until one makes sense. Pisceans find it hard to concentrate on one project while Aries don't finish what they start. Usually I will have broken a project down into parts in my mind. If I feel I have gotten through the part that was holding my attention I will stop. It is at this point that I will start something new if I lose my focus. At any point if the project becomes charged with emotion...then I will stop too.

My emotions get so strong at times that they really do run my life. If I mess up something or do something wrong it starts a litany of all the bad things said to me in my life and I associate those feelings with whatever I'm doing. It is very difficult for me after that point to pick the project up again. If I could only uplift myself the way I do for others...

So as you can see; I am much more Piscean then Arian. Maybe when I was younger I was more Arian. But now; my life revolves around the love I have for my family and friends, creating beautiful things, celebrating life through my spirituality and gaming.

**************


On to projects. The first blue lace panel is from a scarf I finished for a dear friend. It was a difficult project because the purl rows were still working rows...so I always had to be alert. But after the fourth repeat I got into the flow of it and found it very serene. Which, was my hope; I wanted to imbue the scarf with serenity and good thoughts. Every time I see it I smile; since it still strikes me with awe that I'm capable of making something like lace.

And since my scarf is done, that means there is room in my queue for something new. I started this little fox and I am in love with him...even without a head. I had put off making him because I was scared to mess up the color-work sections...but after much youtube...I felt ready. And look...I did it. I'm very proud of myself.

One of our knitting circle died last Friday and I didn't get much knitting done at meet-up. Our thoughts were on celebrating her life and thinking about how she had touched each of us. Last night when I went to the viewing I felt a sense of peace that I had not been able to find before about her passing.

She was dressed in her Indian Regalia and looked so beautiful. Her family had created collages of her life so even if you had never met her; you could see what kind of person she had been. It was the most beautiful and moving viewing I had ever been to. I love that her family saw this as a celebration of her life instead of just a time to mourn her.

When it is my parent's time; I would like to honor them by doing this for each of them.

On this week of the Wolf Moon, which seems to shine brighter due to the ice covering everything...I am thankful for all I have been given. Family...friends...prosperity...happiness...everything. Thank you God and Goddess for all my blessings. Some times the world spins too fast and I forget that I am standing in a river of light...thank you.

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Moving On

It feels good to finish the last of my Yule projects. Yay! It feels like I can move onto this year's projects now. BTW I can't show you how much I love the way this project came out because it is for someone who reads this blog. So that will have to wait for next week.

I want to make something that is quick and easy and just a jog along the path before I start something new and I found this. If you don't have a Lion Brand account you won't be able to use the link without signing up. Don't worry it is free and they have a bunch of wonderful patterns on there.

Anyway, they have this wreath pattern with beautiful leaves and I've been saving up for the kit because the colors are perfect for Fall. But I found out the other day that they make blocks...felt them and then they cut the leaves out of the felt.

For some reason this really upset me so I am on the lookout for the most wonderful leaves to make into a Fall wreath. I figured that was a nice project for in between things or when I only have an 1/2 hour to knit but I don't want to work on something big.



Friday nights are dedicated to my Queen of Hearts shawl. I'm up to 8 of 15 hearts across and she is growing beautifully. It is made out of a discontinued Schaefer Yarn Esperanza in the Clara Barton color way. I am so happy that I have another ball after this one!

Stop me if you've heard this before...but I'd like to get this shawl done so I can do a photo shoot on a day like today. The snow is so pretty and it was one of those really great days where it was bad enough for no school so the kids are happy...but the roads are good enough that I didn't need 4 wheel drive. But yeah, I really want to take a picture of the brilliant scarlet against the pure white snow...all Little Red Riding Hood like.

I've been doing this free new game that allows me to schedule goals that grow a tree which is in fact; a representation of me. I've found that this is actually a wonderful tool for my self growth. One of the things you can do is make "movies" of the things that inspire you with quotes and or pictures...they are very nice to play to inspire, motivate or recenter you. I also enjoy the journaling aspect.

Other then that...we've been making more meals with the crock that have been really yummy. We had an awesome turkey soup made from turkey stock and root veggies. Soup seems to be a great choice for these frigid days. Then this week we took a pork roast and first marinated it then slow cooked it with honey, hoisin sauce, soy sauce, sesame oil, garlic, ginger, ketchup and honey...DH put carrots in there too and they turned out delish. It ended up tasting like Chinese BBQ...and wow that was so easy!

DH has had his first gum surgery and the Dentist said everything went great. He is in a little bit of pain but the drugs help manage that. He sees it as a small price to pay if he can keep his teeth in later life. I agree. I made appointments for both my son and I at this new Dentist. I was very, very impressed with how nice they were and how much they care about their patient's well being. Hopefully they can deal with my total irrational fear of dentists.

It makes no sense really. But the minute I think about anyone touching my teeth they start to ache. That is why I picked this dentist. They cater to cowards...and that is me in this case. I will probably have to have a Valium when they do the actual stuff I know they will have to do. Hopefully I can make it through the exam and cleaning without acting like a total baby.

I mean...I had a C-section and that didn't strike fear in me like this does. I watched the vid screen as they burned away the vein my leg both times and sure it pricked and was really hot...but that was okay. I had a needle in my thigh for the last bit of my pregnancy that shot a drug into my system every five minutes and that was tolerable. So why can't I buck up and just say that this is needed and go?

*sigh*

*breathe*

Have a great day!
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, January 07, 2011

Week one of the New Year



We have to decide for ourselves what’s nourishing to our souls, and do those things over others.
-- Thomas Moore


The Holidays came and went without so much stress this year. I have already written things to do in my calendar to make them even easier. Such as...taking pictures in the Summer for our holiday card and then getting them made early...and actually creating a savings for the holidays.

I used to start making things for the Holidays in July and managed to get a lot done without stress or rushing...so I'm going to start that up again this year also.

I've worked a plan for my income and I'm really focusing on saving this year as well as paying down my card again. I had it almost paid off last year when we made two big purchases that ran it up. And since I used my Holiday money to help pay down my card then when December came around I was hurting and charged up the card again.

*sigh*

In knitting I am focusing on finishing my Queen of Heart Shawl. This is the project I will bring to Friday night meet-up group until it is done. I've been working on it for a while now but the two commissions I got took priority. The above picture is one of the of the two cardigans I made. I really enjoyed this project. It taught me how to make a cardigan by following the top-down method. Now I really want to make one for me. :)

I am currently finishing up a Yule gift that is one of those pieces you cannot do anything else while you are knitting it..which is a rarity for me. I can knock out most lace and other complicated repeating patterns without a lot of trouble while talking or whatever...but this pattern is telling me to slow down and not try and always multitask. So I'm listening to the voice of serenity and following orders.

This year I want to cultivate more serenity...peace and happiness.

To that end I'm trying to do little things to make the big things easier. Like...using the organic tub spray after bathing. I broke down the other day and scrubbed our tub from top to bottom. Then after each of us used the tub we used the spray and today when I looked our tub was beautiful. Something like that really puts a smile on my face...to know one chore is done for the day and it only took a few seconds to do it. *yay*

*My son just shared with me that he remembered to spray the tub without anyone telling him!*

I'm trying to find more of those "stitch in time saves nine" ideas to make all of our lives easier. Archimedes, our automatic vacuum cleaner saves us so much time. At his appointed time he starts cleaning and will not stop unless the area he is in is clean. He hates dirt and has a little button that lights up when he finds some. We all love him. The time he saves us is incredible...having a clean floor is priceless.

We've all been making changes here and there to improve our lives. We joined a whole foods farm and enjoy getting a morning delivery of organic healthy food. Everything there is so wonderful and delicious.

I've been looking at cell phones to find one with a lower radiation rating. Every week I make another little step to make my life safer and healthier for me and my family. I like this one. It has everything I could ever want in a phone so I'm pretty happy that it safer too. :)

So that is the week in a nut shell. They tell us that a winter wonderland is on the way...so where ever you are be safe, warm and full of happiness.

*hugs*
Ruinwen
:)