Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Taking Back My Power

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“When you fight something, you’re tied to it forever. As long as you’re fighting it, you’re giving it power."
-- Anthony de Mello



"What you resist persists. And only what you look at, and own, can disappear. You make it disappear by simply changing your mind about it."
-- Neale Donald Walsch


I have been stressing about a bunch of things lately. I’m kinda ignoring most of last month ‘cuz I feel I wasn’t true to it. A big thank you goes out to all of you who wished me a Happy Birthday. For the most part it really wasn’t but c’est le vie. I did get scads of yarn which I will showcase a little later…and all of it is so yummy I just don’t know what to do with myself. My sis also got me the Michael Praed Robin Hood series which is yummy in a whole different way. ;)

I know that when life gives you lemons you make lemon aid…but my throat closes up and I stop breathing when I smell, taste or am 1 foot away from anything citrus…so bad analogy.

This month there will only be two goals:
1. Survive Maryland Sheep and Wool lamb cook off (come see us at 10 on Sunday)
2. Survive Spring Fling

I think I’ve been trying to do too many things that I need to be accountable for. (who me?) So I’m going to par down on the goals because other stuff always comes up and then I feel bad I didn’t get my list done.

I’m working on baby steps trying to change the way I see things. Take for instance the bit of knitting I started to ease the whole “Masters fear” I’ve been going through. I doubled up a knit repeat. Now I could rip the whole thing out but it doesn’t look bad if I make it into a pattern…so after talking to DH I’ve decided to keep it and call it a pattern change. BTW I got this yarn with my prize money at last year’s Sheep and Wool. It is a hemp blend and the dealer can be found in my side bar.

But the Masters is changing me. I can’t seem to automatically knit anymore. I’m thinking about each stitch, worrying that my purls are rowing out, is my ribbing tight, am I elongating a stitch by pushing in my needles too far and my favorite…is the cast on I chose the right one for this project?

I know that it is good to learn and grow and life is dependent on it but my knitting has slowed…my rhythm is lost…I feel adrift in a sea of rules and regulations that are changing me.

I’m not resisting the change if it makes me a better knitter but at times it is scary and frustrating…as change can be.

I find it interesting that just as I lost my ability to relax and breathe during knitting I gained a new breathing technique that relaxes and rejuvenates me. I have been deep breathing for five minutes before bed and I am sleeping better then I have in years and I wake up refreshed and ready to face the day.

So as one door closes another opens…the Goddess always provides what I need when I need it. I start May with a fresh new outlook. I may be knitting a bit slower because I’m watching each stitch be birthed into existence but I’m learning and growing as I do so.

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen
:)
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