Tuesday, February 16, 2010
One of the hardest things I went through last year is that my Mother, my best friend and confidant...has lost her short term memory. The woman I relied on for years with all the silly little things in my life...the wonderful friend I trusted with every secret...needs me now.
And I realize that it is very selfish of me…but sometimes I just want my Mommy. I want to cry and tell her how I really messed up…or have her eyes show with pride over something I’ve done…or have her give me advice peppered with wisdom and age.
And I don’t know if it is the snow, or taking off a layer of fat that had a memory stored away or even the essence working to heal me…but it is like I am reliving it all over again.
From a healer’s standpoint it means I didn’t work through it the last time…I just accepted, or hid it or whatever. Everything was so crazy last year and there was little time to think…but now…now with the snow piled up and white as far as the eye can see…I’m thinking…
It’s like a life-line in knitting. You can rip back to the row before your mistake and work through the whole thing again…which, is what I had to do with Ishbel. This little lace pattern is taking much more patience then I thought it would. So I’ve got life-lines and markers at every repeat…which move with each row and every repeat; so really it is a pain in the butt.
But this time I’m taking it slow and really focusing and I'm back to where I started before I ripped. The lace is starting to emerge and I remember why I chose this pattern. I love lace. I love the way the holes and paired decreases tell a story and paint a picture with negative space. Which is why I chose the frozen spiderweb for this post. There is something so magical about a web; spiders are knitters after all, making their own personal lace that adorns nature with such great beauty.
I’ve been thinking about the world waiting to emerge as the seasons begin to change...(I know what Phil said...and I'll be up to my eye-balls in snow till Summer...but let a girl dream 'kay?) ...and honing my spiritual seeds that I will plant at Ostra. I always make this little container of sorts that hold the seeds of the things I hope to accomplish this year. I’m not sure what container I am creating this year…but I’m meditating on it.
My personal “container” continues to get smaller and my muscles are getting stronger too. My clothes are really fitting better and I can already wear a few things I couldn’t at the beginning of the year. This weekend my Wii adjusted my avatar to the "normal" range. *and there was much rejoicing*
So all in all…I’m doing okay…much better then a few weeks ago.
*hugs to all of you*