Tuesday, February 10, 2009

When the World is Quiet

Sock yarnSock Yarn

Only in quiet waters things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.

-- Hans Margolius

There was a moment last week when it had snowed and the kids were playing, the TV was going and people were talking and I stepped outside and it was quiet. Absolutely silent. While I love the sounds of a house well loved and family abounding…the stillness was awe inspiring.

I’ve been able to recall that moment when everything gets crazy and find serenity within the chaos…which if you know me…is the sig I use on my e-mail. For years I’ve used that sig but it was only this previous week where I could really say I understood what it meant.

Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace within the storm.

This led me to want to knit a spiritual circle scarf. I’ve done this with jewelry before but never knitting. I have the most beautiful Alchemy sanctuary in all the elemental colors. So I’m working on a mantra for each element to weave into the stitches.

But after inquiring how others bless their spiritual works it seems most people tend to bless them when they are done. They do not feel that they can knit and keep a mantra in focus at the same time. One person on Ravelry stated that her offering could only inspire one to swear like a sailor for that is the only mantra she maintained during the working of the project.

Which is fine. Everyone has their own path. But I would like to knit this scarf in mindful meditation from beginning to end.

There is an anime character I love named Belldandy. Besides being the nicest, sweetest, kindest woman imaginable, she knits. In one episode she knits a sweater for her love and in each stitch she puts her feelings. When he wears this sweater she wants him to know how deeply she cares about him. The sentiments of love and devotion are imbued into the yarn. The sweater is a symbol of her deep bond with her love.

That is how I want to knit. I figure if I can cultivate that moment of stillness in my heart and then add my devotion and respect for each element then I can truly create a wondrous circle scarf. I know that each time I use it I will feel the presence of the elements.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Last week we bid a tearful farewell to my Uncle. He was a beautiful person who gave to his community and loved his family. I really didn’t know him and it saddens me. My son wanted to go to his funeral. I told him that it was okay for him not to go because it would be long service and my Uncle would be happy he was enjoying the beautiful day. My son said, “Mommy I’m sorry I didn’t know him. I think that I should start getting to know all the people in my life better before their gone and I never get the chance.” *sniff*

My Mother has never really gotten along with her sister and she kept us from associating with that side of the family as much as possible. I’m not sure what causes these chasms but I know that it divided our family. Even so there was a place of honor for my Mom by her sister at the funeral. Unfortunately, she was unable to attend. My Aunt seemed to miss her sister in this time when family should mean everything and I wondered what could cause a family to split so?

We never really got the full deets. I think it had to do with love. But I never understood the whole mess. And now with Mom being so confused, I’m not sure we ever will. *sigh*

I’m not really sure about a lot of things. My SIL had her car repoed at 1 something in the morning and thought we should know. She seemed surprised after 5 months of missing car payments they’d be upset and take action. Just like the income taxes last year…she found it incredulous that they didn’t get more back on their taxes but ignored the fact that if you do not pay the mortgage then you cannot get the interest income back in your taxes. *hello*

Maybe it is just me. But I stand within this ball of revolving chaos that surrounds me and I just don’t get people. I mean I never claim to be perfect and I’ve done very stupid things. I’ve been in debt and gotten in trouble. I’ve been so broke that having Mac & Cheese once a week was an event worth celebrating since all my other meals were Ramen Noodle soup. I’ve been at the end of my rope and I’ve drowned my sorrows in a bottle. But you learn and go on and it may take some time but isn’t that what it is all about…you learn and go on.

And when you are standing in the silence it is all about you. There is no one to blame for your sight is clear. You can see how each decision contributes to the whole of the tapestry that is your life. You can forgive yourself for your mistakes and see that they are much like an error in knitting; only you know they are there. When you look in the quiet waters of the soul and you see the reflection of your true self do you know her/him?

I didn’t. Most of my life I have loved myself but I haven’t really known who I am. Maybe that isn’t really true. What I mean to say is that I had negative connotations that connected me to those times that I told you about above where you learn and go on. I learned to stay connected to them so I could blame myself for my mistakes. Blame is so much easier then acceptance.

In the crystalline pools of my soul I met my true self and I hugged her. I feel different…full of light and buoyant. I feel like I took a step towards something so big that the ramifications of this moment are still cascading through me…maybe they always will. I know that there will be many more trips to the pool and each one will bring a new understanding as each layer of my true self is revealed.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Heart Scarf

Finally I would like to show you my heart scarf that has been on the needles forever and I just don’t know why. The pattern is mine, the knit is easy. I love this scarf. The way the colors dance and merge is just beautiful to me. I combined Cascade 200 with Trendsetter and I’ve been so happy with the results. This scarf will be my red heart giveaway that we participate in every year at Fair. I hope it finds someone who loves it as much as I do.

To you and yours may love abound as Valentine’s Day draws near. I send all my dear friends a *hug and a smile*

Happy crafting,

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)
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