Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Ignoring My Inner Critic

The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination.
-- John Schaar

I’ve been working on the slip stitch baby blanket with a new purpose. I’m getting together with a knitting friend who I haven’t seen in a while this week and I want to give this blanket to her new grand daughter. Suddenly, one side of the border is complete…just like that.

I even ran into a snag where I wouldn’t have enough of the green to finish the project so I decided to make a split border that is still symmetrical in both colors.

But at that moment when I realized the green would be short I felt “it”. I could perceive that shift in energy where a part of me was saying, “Put it away for later when you can afford more yarn.” I pmed a good Ravelry friend and together we decided the two colors would be fine. I asked DH and he agreed. That “feeling” instantly left me as the energy redirected itself back into finishing this project.

This blanket could have suffered if I had caved into that inner critic that is quick to want me to give up. But I chose not to listen.

I’ve always felt it is so terribly annoying to have one inner voice of guidance and support and one of pessimism and erosion. But over the years I’ve learned that the emotion that flows with each voice is totally attuned to its motives. That is how I tell if it is my higher self or my inner critic is talking.

Have you ever noticed if you own a Garmin or one of those talking GPS guidance systems that her voice actually seems to change as you ignore her instructions? In the end I can hear the anger in her voice as she says, “RECALULATING,” as I continue to make my own path.

My negative voice is the same way. When it doesn’t get its way it stomps and yells as it has a temper tantrum and starts getting mean. “Not having enough yarn” morphs into “You can’t get this done on time, why are you even trying?”

But you know what? There is so much chaos around me that I can’t control that this negative voice only serves to enrage me.

Many times one negative comment at the wrong time can tear us down or it can empower us. I choose to be empowered.

I’m tired of listening to that negative voice that says I “can’t” do something. We really don’t like the word “can’t” in our house. Can’t is usually a cop out. It is giving up without even trying.

I’m sorry, I’m a gamer and “can’t “just doesn’t cut it. DH and I have spent endless hours trying to one thing in a game. We don’t give up. Sometimes we move on to another area of the game and come back after gaining a little experience but we don’t give up.

So this voice telling me I can’t get this blanket done by Friday just really upsets me. I’m the master of my destiny not this voice. Where does this voice get off telling me what I can and can’t do anyway…and why am I listening?

Ah yes, that is the crux of it all. Why am I listening? I have free will just like everyone else.

But most of my life I’ve spent listening to that negative voice. I’ve let it tear me down and associated myself with its view of me. No more. Really I’m done…I abjure you negative little voice. As of this moment you do not exist for me.

You can stomp your feet and recalculate my life as much as you want but I choose to make my own path where I see fit. You no longer have any power over me. So mote it be.

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Chances are if you are reading this blog you are part of a community. And I’m not just talking about the one you live in…I’m talking about the one that lives in you.

Our Friday night knitting group is like a balm for my soul. I look forward to it with a child’s wide eyed delight. I don’t know when trying to fit it in to the calendar turned into “this is what I do on Friday…end of story.” But it has…and I love it.

All these beautiful women live in my heart and I am so blessed to know each and every one of them. Together we are making something truly inspirational.

These squares are but a few of the wonderful creations that have already been crafted by these generous women. They are to become blankets and lapghans for the Assisted Living in our community. What started as an idea over coffee has turned into something wonderful. This project continues to grow and transform as each woman adds something of her personal essence to its process.

I am blessed to be a part of this community and call these brilliant women friends.

***** ***** ***** ***** ******

After the blanket my next WIP to work on will be a reversible hooded scarf / hood combo I’ve been designing for a while. I’ve got the basics laid out but haven’t had the time to try out the pattern yet. So that will be where I concentrate my completion energy next. Simultaneously I will be starting the process of creating my Ostra bag for this year.

Every year as spring arrives I decide what spiritual seeds I want to plant and grow and I bring focus to them through color and herbal correspondences. This year I am doing more then that since my goal for Spirit is to plant a garden. So my “seeds” are actually potential plants just waiting for the right combination of factors to come into being.

Last year I bought the containers but never had the time or energy to focus on using them. This year I am ready to have herbs again. I miss them so much! I have felt this longing to go out and snip a sprig to put in a soup or when someone is ailing I feel this need to make some fresh tea…but my herbs were gone.

This year I’m going to fill this aching need to work with the Earth and watch as the elements come together and create new life. I’m going to make tinctures, poultices, compotes, bouquet de garnis, sauces, teas and add beautiful fragrance and flavor to my dishes. Mmmmmmmm.

I wish you all a blessed week of creating your dreams in all you do. :)

Bright blessings,
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