Spirals of Change

So, one of the little things I’ve been doing to keep me motivated during all these life changes is to reward myself now and then. For every five pounds lost I’ve been buying a little something. And at the 10 pounds gone mark, I thought it should be something really special.

I always wear a pentagram. To me, it sums up my religion; man at one with the elements and nature. And every few years I get a new one to celebrate a change in self.

I must say I fell in love with this at first glance. Garnet is my magical stone and it is red…and I’m all about the red…being a Mars/Aries. The flower morphing from the penti is just beautiful since I am an herbal healer. I feel this really emphasizes the 5 fold path that I follow also. So this is my new penti and I love it. It is so me.

It is funny as I lose pieces of myself I find myself discovering more and more of my true inner core. I was writing my sweet sister about how all the ice is really resonating with me. Because I feel like my soul has been frozen and now it is melting and revealing something that I had forgotten.

I guess I had overlooked the fact I was still in there.

You know Doctors will tell you that when you shed fat that a lot of toxins are also let go with it. As a healer who can feel energy, I believe that pockets of energy are also held captive in the body and released at this time.

Let me heal “geek” for a moment. There are meridians or channels which run through your body. When a person is blocked, energy, chi, prana or whatever you call it, cannot circulate. This blockage will eventually cause some sort of discomfort on one or more of the three levels: physical, mental or spiritual.

The meridians run through the limbic system of the brain where emotional memories are stored and moods are regulated. It is believed that meridians hold our unresolved emotions and feelings. When you free up the energy blockage these emotions are also freed.

I’ve found that these emotions being freed brings about different changes in me day to day and I’ve just been flowing with them. I’ve been listening to the different complaints my body is making and striving to “heal” that part of myself that has been neglected.

For the first time in…forever…I am awake with my alarm and not dragging or tired but rested and fresh and ready to take on the day…without coffee. If you know me…you know I love my coffee…but it was always an occasional thing and then I started using it to wake up and by the end of the day, I was just…done.

I found out daily coffee is not good for my personal being. It was hurting me and I didn’t even know it. So, I’ve been off it for a month now. I’ve been having this amazing Himalayan Black tea which sis got me for Yule that I really, really love first thing in the morning and it has made such a difference.

One change has spiraled into another and now heading into March I can honestly say that every step has been worth it.

Here is a scarf I started a while ago with yarns I could only afford one skein of. This weekend thanks to my BF, I finished it. It is just a simple garter stitch done lengthwise...but to me, this is more than a scarf. To me, this is keeping a promise to me. I always put the projects that are going to me aside to do things for others. And while it is good to be giving and kind...one should give that same respect to the self. So this was another way to honor myself and it really felt good!

Finally, Ishbel is off the needles and drying right now. This is the first project that I have "blocked the heck out of". I can't wait to see what she looks like. I think IMHO this may be some of the finest lace I have ever done.

So all in all, this was a good week. The skies are threatening and the wind is howling but I finished two projects so in the grand scheme of things...I'm pretty darn happy.

*hugs to you all*
<3 br="">:)

Life-lines

One of the hardest things I went through last year is that my Mother, my best friend, and confidant...has lost her short term memory. The woman I relied on for years with all the silly little things in my life...the wonderful friend I trusted with every secret...needs me now.

And I realize that it is very selfish of me…but sometimes I just want my Mommy. I want to cry and tell her how I really messed up…or have her eyes show with pride over something I’ve done…or have her give me advice peppered with wisdom and age.

And I don’t know if it is the snow, or taking off a layer of fat that had a memory stored away or even the essence working to heal me…but it is like I am reliving it all over again.

From a healer’s standpoint, it means I didn’t work through it the last time…I just accepted or hid it or whatever. Everything was so crazy last year and there was little time to think…but now…now with the snow piled up and white as far as the eye can see…I’m thinking…

It’s like a life-line in knitting. You can rip back to the row before your mistake and work through the whole thing again…which, is what I had to do with Ishbel. This little lace pattern is taking much more patience then I thought it would. So I’ve got life-lines and markers at every repeat…which move with each row and every repeat; so really it is a pain in the butt.

But this time I’m taking it slow and really focusing and I'm back to where I started before I ripped. The lace is starting to emerge and I remember why I chose this pattern. I love lace. I love the way the holes and paired decreases tell a story and paint a picture with negative space. Which is why I chose the frozen spiderweb for this post. There is something so magical about a web; spiders are knitters, after all, making their own personal lace that adorns nature with such great beauty.

I’ve been thinking about the world waiting to emerge as the seasons begin to change...(I know what Phil said...and I'll be up to my eyeballs in snow till Summer...but let a girl dream 'kay?) ...and honing my spiritual seeds that I will plant at Ostra. I always make this little container of sorts that hold the seeds of the things I hope to accomplish this year. I’m not sure what container I am creating this year…but I’m meditating on it.

My personal “container” continues to get smaller and my muscles are getting stronger too. My clothes are really fitting better and I can already wear a few things I couldn’t at the beginning of the year. This weekend my Wii adjusted my avatar to the "normal" range. *and there was much rejoicing*

So all in all…I’m doing okay…much better then a few weeks ago.

*hugs to all of you*
Ruinwen
:)

A Breather

Here is our neighborhood during the 2nd blizzard.

Here is Widdershins chillin' with the boys.

The winds crafted some wicked icicles.

These are my favorites. These icicles have been there since just after Christmas...and I suspect they will not be going away any time soon.

Here is my completed scarf for Spring Fest. It feels good to finish a project that is not due for a while. I've really been trying to keep to my goal of three projects on the needles; one for me, one for charity and one for Vixenpath.

I rewarded myself by casting on this. Knitnana really inspired me to give this scarf/shawl a go. This is super yummy Araucania Ranco in color 105. I must say even though I struggled with this pattern because I can't count...no really...I'm totally in love with the subtle change in color and the delicate lace vines starting to emerge.

I want to thank everyone who wrote to me cheering me up. I think this season is a test of my will...more then others passed. I did do my reading and I was gifted with this wisdom.

• The ice that covers everything symbolizes a transition between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind.
• Quality time with your family will assure them of a secure future.
• Whatever you begin or straighten out now, will last for years.
• Discover future cycles in your life.
• And the God and Goddess will always care for all of their children.

A lot to ponder. But being snowed in with your family for two days gives you time to think.

My essence came UPS...in the snow...FES rocks! So I have been using it and I feel a bit lighter...but that could be because I lost another pound! My clothes are fitting better and better and I'm really proud of how much I've accomplished.

Baby steps...

I can't believe it is Friday already. I can't wait to sit and knit tonight in front of the fire.

I wish you all a wonderful, safe and happy weekend.

Ruinwen
*hugs*
:)

*Oh, a shout out should go to DH who photographed all my pictures. Which reminds me as Valentine's Day rounds the bend...Thank you, honey, for always doing my photoshoots...it means so much to me to have pictures to post again. I love you!

Is it Spring Yet?

"Knowing others is wisdom; knowing the self is enlightenment."

-- Tao Te Ching

I feel lost today. This weekend I felt really blah and stayed cuddled under a blanket while it snowed. I figured the world was under a mantle why not me?

This morning I woke from a dream as my alarm went off…very reluctantly.

I was searching in the dream for a tarot deck because mine had been sold and I was now missing certain cards. Every time I looked at them they were shrouded in mist and impossible to read.

I had just figured out how to get to the tarot store and gotten the nice lady’s attention when I was forced to wake up in the real world.

I feel like I am missing something…

something important…and I just don’t know what it is.

I think I will do a reading tonight before bed and see if I can find some answers.

But for now, I’ll muddle through as I usually do.

More snow is on the way…any snow will be enough to close us down again…most schools are out today…the Govt is off…side roads are disastrous…

*sigh*

I did get some knitting done and I got in three loads of laundry. I stayed on points and even had a loss again. I’m trying…really I am.

Where ever you are I hope you are safe and happy.



Oh, and those of you who are jealous of my snow...we left a big pile at the end of the driveway that you can come and take at any time...really. ;)

*hugs*
Ruinwen
:)

The Blizzard of 2010

Just wanted to show you a peek of how awesome this storm was. I'm not sure what total inches were...because of drifts.

*winter hugs to you all*
Ruinwen
:)

This or Something Better

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This is our last snow storm on Wednesday this week...as you read this we are either bracing for a huge storm or in the middle of it.
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In an ongoing study of my “critical voice”, I’ve found that it can always find this higher ideal that I’m not living up to. For example; when I do lose the last 10 pounds, it will criticize me that I need to be toned or then it will complain about my hair…or something else. There is always something else to fret over…the next new thing.

That is why in the surge of taking care of the newest item of scorn the old sometimes slips from our minds…and next thing you know I’ve gained back three pounds. Of course, my mind thinks I’ll just eat right for a few days and I’ll be back to goal weight…but this three…goal…three…goal routine finally goes to five pounds and then it becomes harder to hit goal again.

I was at goal weight for five years before I “slipped” the last time. As long as I could fit into my skinny jeans it was okay…but then I just gave up because my mental overload was way too high and just cramming food in my face seemed to take enough effort in itself.

I believe as I take off each layer that I shrouded myself in to cope with the transitions of the last few years…the issues that surrounded me then will revisit me until I heal them. This is when I usually start doubting not only myself but my path.

These snowy dark and gray days are not helping me either. I’ve seen many of you explaining how the world without the sun is starting to immerse you with doubt and depression…and I’m right there with you.

But my Patron Goddess is one of ice and snow and this week was her feast day. And this time locked in winter’s embrace is meant to make us think. The Norse rune Isa is all about introspection and when something is frozen in time and space being able to look at it from all sides.

So on one side, I have my depression and I acknowledge this as a hurdle for this Aries/Mars fire sign whose energy levels center around the sun. On another side, I am surrounded by an awesome family and network of friends that spans cyberspace and numerous communities.

I’ve been having numerous dreams where I am lost. Last night I dreamt that I was in a school I had never been to before and I couldn’t find my classroom…I was totally disoriented. And when I finally got there I had to give a presentation on a subject I’d never even heard of. But when I opened my notebook there were notes from the previous classes that I didn’t remember attending and a teacher stood there gloating at me that I had never seen before. So I stepped up to the board and starting writing Faerie symbols and the teacher growled at me because that was not the assignment.

Now either the message of Heroes’ latest episode was making its way into my mind or my subconscious was trying to tell me something. Either way there is something that I’m holding on to that I need to delve in…something that I’ve frozen within me that needs to be observed from a place of love and light with no judgment or accusations.

These nudges from the PTB usually mean that a spiritual change has to be made. There needs to be a shift in perception as well as methodology. I’m feeling drawn back to my essence work. I gave up on my essences last year…because it was too much to actually work through the feelings when I was having them.

At least it is a start.

Even though I have the blahs…I’ve kept true to points and I keep losing a little at a time. I’ve been doing my workouts and taking my timeouts…I’ve been creating more and more balance between the things that have to be done with the things I want to do.

I’ve been finishing up promised projects and have started my socks for a traveling sock group…so I’m actually feeling really good on the crafting front. This weekend I will have plenty of time to sit and knit as the snow falls…and falls. If it starts when they say it will…I’m not sure we will have meet-up tonight and that makes me sad. But I will be with my sisters and brothers of the craft in spirit…

This week I planted my spiritual seeds that represent the things that I hope will bear fruit when the sun returns and the grounds melt. Even though Phil says six more weeks of winter; I will try and hold my head high and stay my course.

To those of you who celebrate…may the thoughts of dreams yet to be fulfilled during this time of ice and snow bring colorful and beautiful fruit in the days to come.

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)