Holding Space

When I was having lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while, she told me that one of the things that she liked about me was that I had always held space for her.

One, I was so happy to have a compliment like that.  It is so hard for me to see myself through the eyes of those who can truly see me.  Her single statement helped me to see myself in a light that I never truly could see until this moment.

When you hold space for someone, you are there for them on almost a holy level of support.  For instance, if you have ever called in a circle, smudged your house, said grace or warded something; you have called in a sacred space.  

In this case, you are encircling your friend with your energy.  You are creating a place, a scared space, where they feel safe and protected.  This is a place where they can share anything and you will be present with them and listen with more than your ears.  You will be open to their journey without judgment.  You will accept them for who they are and not try and change them.  You will bear witness to their story, their path, and their process.  

I hug everyone I meet.  It is a way of sharing energy.  In holding space for someone you hug them without ever touching.  Your energy encircles them and supports and protects them.

This is a sacred space where they can feel safe to speak their feelings without being judged.  At times you may be called to just be a witness to powerful moments in their transformative process.  In these moments you are like a vessel that your friend can use to pour out all their emotions and feelings and see them laying before them.  Many times it can help them to clarify thoughts or ideas.  It can help them to see the issues that they are struggling through since in this safe place they are free to see them without judgment.

In holding space it is not about you.  This is not where you try and “fix” something that you see needs fixing.  By being with them, really being in their moment and listening to them or if there are no words, just sitting there with them, you are projecting compassion and understanding.  You don’t have to ask them, “What can I do,” or “How can I help you” because you are in that moment, helping more then you can ever know.

One of the hardest things in holding space for someone is to be non-judgmental.  I am not just talking about accepting them for who they are and where they are in their process, that is relatively easy.  I am talking about not filling this sacred space with your mind chatter about how you think you could fix this, or how when this happened to you, you did this or anything about you.  This is not your process you are not here to evaluate how your friend should proceed.  You are a vessel, you do not get to choose how you are filled.

A partner to being non-judgmental is acceptance.  In this space your friend should be able to say whatever she needs to say, she should be able to cry or vent or be in whatever part of her process that needs to be.  Be there for them, that is enough.  If your mind is full of things you could change or fix, quiet your mind by using the mantra:

“I am here for _____.  
I support ______.  
I accept _____.”  

When you accept someone for who they are in the present moment, there is no desire to change or fix or improving them because they are exactly where they need to be.

Your whole attention is focused on your friend.  You are keeping eye-contact with them.  You are listening to them with your whole being.  You will know if they need a response from you, otherwise don’t interrupt, add, or comment, your words unless asked for only will only distract your friend.  Your silence will nurture them and allow them to have space to think where they can look at their words and thoughts and see how to progress.  Your support by just being there can give them a silent strength that they needed in order to grow and take their next steps.

It is not an easy thing to do because our ego wants to get in the way so it is a learning process of quieting our inner critics and voices in order to make room for someone else for a while.  But I believe we are equally healed by the process.  It is by giving of ourself without motive or process that we learn truths about ourselves that have remained hidden in all the inner chatter and noise.  

Namaste  (I bow to the Divine in you)

(I used "friend" and "her" to describe this process but it could be anyone or even a group of people.)

I accept each and every one of you where you are on your journey.  I sit without judgment in total acceptance.  This is a sacred space.  Namaste

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So my friend Fran has been making this for 10 years!  There was a time when her hands bothered her so much she couldn't work on it but thankfully, lately, they are better and she is able to crochet again.

This is Leonardo da Vinci's Last Supper in filet crochet.  It is stunning.  I had the honor of blocking it with her.  This picture is a before blocking shot.  I am so, so proud of her!  This is just amazing.

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I am in love with double knitting!

Here is my crab potholder that I just finished.  I am in love with it.  The crab design was created by Regina Schoenfeldt.  She has a lot of beautiful designs on her Ravelry Page.

I've been using an edging that I really love.  It is clean and easy to do as long as you follow a few simple steps.

For this tutorial, the green stitches represent the MC (main color) stitches and the blue stitches represent the CC (contrasting color) stitches for side one and then they will switch place for side two and the MC will be blue whereas the CC will be green.

On your first row, just do what you always do for double knitting: 

• Knit with the MC yarn in the back of your work
• Bring the MC yarn to the front of your work and purl in the CC yarn, which is already in the front of the work.

Follow your chart across the row until the last pair of stitches.

When you get to your last pair of stitches.  Make sure the working yarns are laying like this. 

You will slip the green stitch (MC) purlwise from the left-hand needle to the right-hand needle with both yarns in the back of your work.

Then you want to make sure the blue stitch (CC) is laying over the green working yarn (MC) before you bring it to the front.

This is the crucial element that holds the two colors together on the edge.

Once your blue working yarn
(CC) is in front of your work.  Slip the last blue stitch (CC) on your left-hand needle purlwise to the right-hand needle and you have completed the right-hand edge.

Now we are back to the left-hand edge.

When you turn your work it will look like the picture.

The blue working yarn (MC) is in the back alone and the green working yarn (CC) is in the front alone.

Knit the blue stitch (MC) with only the blue (MC) working yarn in the back of your work

Bring the (MC) to the front and purl the green (CC) with the green working yarn.  Both working yarns are in the front.

Finally, bring both working yarns to the back to begin the normal progression across the row until you get to the last pair of stitches and then repeat the process.

And that's it!  

Thanks for reading!

If you have any questions regarding this or any of my other tutorials, please feel free to leave a question in the comments.

Happy Crafting,

Ruinwen
:D

Motivation

Some double knitting that I am working on.

On this rainy, foggy morning I find it hard to get going.  This is the kind of day that you just want to hit the snooze bar, roll over and go back to sleep.

Only I didn’t, because that isn’t what I want for my day.

I know there are things that are scheduled for today that need to get done.  I know there are things that I want to achieve today.

I see chores as blessings that I do for my house and my family.  I see healthy choices as blessings that I do for myself.  I see errands as the oil that greases the cogs that run our lives and they are blessings as well.

I start the day by being thankful that I can start another day.  I have gratitude for our part of the world waking up, the birds starting to chirp, the rain falling on the roof, the sun painting colors across the sky and our little house starting to stir.

I also start the day with a plan.  I have three things planned that must happen on top of the things that always happen.  If I am sick or depressed or whatever then those three things can be simple and my schedule is flexible to allow for these days.  Even the moon can’t show her shining face all the time, once a month she turns inward.

On these days I probably won’t get my steps or get a lot of knitting done.  I might ask for assistance in getting out the trash or doing the cat box.  Even if I have tasks in my journal for the day they probably will be arrowed to the next day.  There is no shame or guilt in that.  If I don’t feel good enough, I take care of myself.  If you can’t take care of yourself, then how can you be there for others?

We are such complex beings, some days it seems overwhelming the amount of care that it takes to be nourished and hygienic, for lack of a better word.  As you get older you add routines to your routines to take care of all the little things that you never imagined would be part of your daily life.  

But, I find that I feel totally renewed after my shower.  I feel amazing after a walk or a workout.  A meal that I created and put my energy into, stays with me and nourishes my soul as well as my body.  

How you choose to see everything, becomes how it is.  For instance, I could choose to see eating within my calories as a total pain and it would be just that.  But, what if I chose to see it as a game.  My meals are like a puzzle that I have to unravel in order to stay within my calorie count and fullness meter.  Now, when I get up I start planning how the food that I’m going to eat is going to work for the day into my calorie count.  And, yes, I have an app for that.  I use Lose It.  I have been using it forever and I love it.

But that wasn’t my point…your motivation, in any endeavor, from getting up in the morning to making your dreams come true is based on how you choose to see how that endeavor fits into your life.

Dreading doing the laundry…makes it dreadful.  Being thankful for clean clothes makes you appreciate the variety and amount of clothes that you have.  When all the clothes are clean and the beds are washed I just feel amazing going to sleep that night.  Clean covers, clean bedclothes, make for the best sleep!

Is it easy all the time?  No, of course not.  But I have found it does get easier if you have a positive attitude.  Things that I really struggled with in the beginning are just becoming part of my day now.

Don’t laugh but the hardest thing for me was cleaning the cat box.  Hubby used to do it and then I took it over to shave off some of his morning chore time.  In the beginning, it really hurt my back to scoop the boxes.  I ended up having to stretch before and after scooping to get through it.  And that was just sad.

But after getting back to walking again and achieving my steps each day, the pain just totally disappeared.  I can scoop to my heart’s content and there is no fear of pain or putting it off until later in the day.  I just do it.   

I wonder if my changed attitude towards my kitties happiness has anything to do with the lack of so many misses outside the box?  It seemed that they were missing every day and there was that extra task of cleaning it all up.  But now, they only miss once and a while and that is great!

Regardless our three purry furries are worth it!

Frost, Kitsune and Shadow

The point is, there are some things in life we can’t change, but most things we can alter our perception of how they will impact us through a positive attitude, perseverance patience and belief in yourself and your abilities.  

Start your positive attitude mantra with saying I AM…and say it in the present tense.

I AM eating healthy.

I AM working out today.

I AM knitting five rows.

I AM going to clean the catbox.

When you say I AM you are creating reality.  If you don’t believe that words have power and are made up of energy, that is okay.  But think of how many I AM negative statements you say every day that you believe and have believed for all or most of your life.

And those negative I AM statements have power.  They silently sabotage you and create doubt in your self and your abilities.  And they have been doing it without any resistance from you.

Those negative voices always get louder when you are about to embark on change.  Our inner critic hates change.

So it is up to you to change the dialogue you hear in your head.  These are just a few examples.

Instead of I AM so stupid say I AM thinking before I act

Instead of I AM fat say I AM making healthy life choices

Instead of I AM lazy say I AM full of energy and purpose

Instead of I AM not good enough say I AM always good enough

You need to retrain your brain to think in the positive instead of the negative.  It can be difficult because you have been thinking negativity for so long.  

What I had to do to break out of my destructive “I AM not good enough” cycle was to first create a dialogue with myself.

“Not good enough” is so vague.  To whose standards am I not good enough…and for what?  This negative mantra I kept saying to myself was because I didn’t believe that my Dad thought I was good enough.

Dad left me a letter which went on to say how proud he was of me…this didn’t give my “not good enough” voice much credence, now did it?  

So then I had to ask myself if Dad didn’t believe that about me then who was I seeking approval from?  Myself?  Really?

At this point, I knew something needed to change in me.  So I started saying “release” every time that “not good enough” thought would come up.  I would think of a handler with a dog that had been trained to let go when the command “release” was given and soon my negative thought had to loosen its hold on me.

Then I started thinking what would my life be like if I was “good enough”  I would be a designer…well, wait I am a designer.   

I would be better at math…well, wait I can balance a checkbook, do my own taxes and convert grams to inches in a patten so yeah, next?

That negative voice didn’t want to give up, but each time I said “release” I could feel something changing in me until I believed that I was good enough…I AM good enough.

It took time and patience and all this didn’t happen overnight but any relationship, including the one with yourself, is worth the time and effort you put into it.

Why all this psycho-babble?  This is my shining moment and I can feel all the “not good enoughs” and “so stupids” trying to push back in.  I can feel the anxiety ready to ramp up when it realizes that I AM walking my talk.

I AM a Creatrix!

I AM a designer!

I AM thinking before I act!

I AM a teacher!

I AM a knitter!

I AM a believer!

To all those negative voices I say, “NOT TODAY.  NOT TOMORROW.  NOT EVER!”

This is my moment, the one I worked for since the day I put on the designer label.  This is the reason I research stitches and I teach others how to make them.  

I believe in my self…I AM taking a deep breath…and now I start the first stitches on a new journey.

*drops needles*

*******

On the knitting front, I am working on Page's Blanket and the above creation.  It is a present for someone so I am hesitant to show it fully.  I love double knitting; it amazes me each and every time when the pattern creates itself on the back as I knit it on the front.

I have learned a whole lot over the years on how to make my edges neater and some really nifty cast-ons and bind-offs.

I will share some of that knowledge with you next week when I can get assistance in taking pictures or maybe filming some of the steps.

In the meantime,

Thanks for stopping by.  :D

Happy Crafting,

Ruinwen

*Achievement Get*

This is a little creek by our house.  At the beginning of Summer, the water was up to the asphalt you see on the right.  The ground was super saturated so much that when it rained we had flash flooding for a good part of three weeks.  Then we got the heat.  After the high heat temps, the water tables are down, the big storms that were a daily occurrence weeks ago gave way to hot and humid temps with dangerous air quality.  And this week, the temps are down and the air is cooler and easier to breathe again.  

I feel a lot like this little creek.  There have been so many changes and extremes in my life but I just keep on going with the flow.  Some days I bubble over in happiness and some days I just get so bogged down in feelings that I can hardly breathe...but I keep going forward regardless.  Some times my momentum is only inches, but always forward.

I finished updating the blog this week.   *achievement get*

I made my step count each day.  *achievement get*

I ate in calories all week.  *achievement get*

DH and I walked 3 times this week. *achievement get*

I worked at least four hours every day (most days more).  *achievement get*

I cleaned at least three hours every day.  *achievement get*

I feel like I slipped back in where I left off and it seems so easy and seamless.  I enjoy writing the blog.  I enjoy eating well.  I enjoy feeling energized and awake from a previous day well spent.  I just feel stupidly, giggly...happy.  

Things are getting done.  Goals are being achieved.  My life is being well-lived and I am so...blessed...thankful...and full of joy.

Here is a bit of fibery goodness...

This is Page's Blanket.  It got too hot to work on it for a while.  I love the Classic Ripple pattern.  It is a pretty easy knit when you get used to the pattern.  But there are some tricky spots.  Let me help you navigate through them if you are new to knitting.

Multiples of 12 + 3

This pattern is two rows that are repeated until you achieve your length.  You can change colors or use a variegated yarn like this one.  This is Plymouth Yarn: Hotcakes - #006 - Garden Mix.

Row 1:     

K1, sl 1, K1, PSSO, * K9, CCD  * repeat from * across, to last 12 stitches, K9, K2tog, K1.

Row 1 Abbreviations

PSSO - pass slipped stitch over the knitted one

CDD - central double decrease (two stitches decreased) - insert the left-hand needle into the next the two stitches, at the same time, as if you were going to knit them and slip them to the right-hand needle, K1, pass the two slipped stitches over the knit stitch

Note: after the 1st row, make sure to work the P1, YO, P1 from the previous row in the same order so the YO falls in the right place each time.  It sometimes helps to fan out the stitches if they are all sticking together.

Row 2:

P6, *(P1, YO, P1), P9 * repeat from * across, to last 7 stitches, (P1, YO, P1), P6

Row 2 Abbreviations

(P1, YO, P1) - (two stitches increased) - purl 1 but leave the stitch on the left-hand needle, yarn over, purl again into the same stitch, let stitch drop off of the left-hand needle

And that's it!

Have a great week!

Happy Crafting,

Ruinwen

Pardon the Dust on Memory Lane

So, DH and I did it!  We revamped the blog and now I have the ocean in the background and a new color scheme.  I really love it.  The colors in the water are amazing and if you listen, you can almost hear the waves breaking on the sand.

But everything is far from complete.  I need to go through all the entries and add tabs so that you dear readers, can choose what you decide to read.

This revamp has forced me to journey back in time to a place where Mom and Dad were still here and some of those memories are heart-wrenching.  For instance, a blog post about a buttery yellow yarn included memories of Mom’s cooking with butter.  

We were discussing at the beach how recipes never seem to come out like they are in our heads if they were cooked by our loved ones.  I think it is the love and happiness of cooking for others that are missing.  That is why my mashed potatoes will never taste like Nana’s, and I am totally okay with that.

That is what this blog is, memories of a journey that I started in part because of Sallee and Kittin’ Chicks (my old LYS, now out of business).  I had been knitting since Mom had taught me how for a Camp Fire Girl bead but it was just knitting back then.

When I started going to Kittin’ Chicks I found a community and then Ravelry extended that community.  I got into blogging and met Sallee and she encouraged me to put my trials, tribulations, joys, and triumphs into words and I created this blog in 2004.

This blog has seen me at my best and my worst.  I never sugar-coated things.  I always tried to speak from my truth even if it was different then my readers.  For a while, I got away from knitting because my knitting creative muse was quiet.  I instead found creativity in a strange new exciting source and that was Minecraft.  Minecraft is something I really enjoy and I have created some really beautiful things that I am super proud of.

But this is why I need tabs to separate these areas of my life so you dear readers can only see the parts you wish to see.

I have since found my way back to knitting, it never really left me.  It just made me think too much about Mom.  I wanted to celebrate the gift she had shared with me, but instead, it only made me sad.

But now I see it as a homage to her and I want to honor her through my craft.  I have been on quite a journey since 2004 when all I knew how to do was knit.  Fast forward to today and I am a designer, a teacher and an advanced knitter who loves new challenges and is always excited to learn new things.

It makes me sad that we lost a few things in the move but I am eager to create new memories on this journey.

So for a bit, please pardon the dust as we update and lose a few things that were precious, dust off others and try to divide down the moments as best we can.  I am working at a snail’s pace since I want to read each entry and the comments as I enjoy a peek back on memory lane.

In knitting news I have two classes coming up next month at KDO and one secret project that I will share when I am allowed.  I’ve never had a secret project before.  This is an exciting new part of my journey and I am really blessed to be given this opportunity.  I also get to knit with new yarn which, is always a plus!

Happy Knitting!

Ruinwen