Friday, August 06, 2010

The Game is Afoot

Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will set down quietly, may alight upon you.

–Nathaniel Hawthorne

I know that happiness is just a state of mind. That it is one of those things that is as elusive as the wind. There are rules surrounding it that make no sense to someone who is seeking it. And to find it you have to realize that you never lost it in the first place.

It can exist in din and squalor as well as magnificence and splendor.

For it is not what surrounds us but what lies within that creates happiness.

I have always wondered how I can be happy and terribly depressed at the same time. I can find joy in the silliest things and I love my life. I may have trouble with the chaos surrounding it; but at my heart I am very happy.

I am truly blessed in so many ways and I know it. I thank the God and Goddess every day for all the wondrous people, moments and things in my life.

I’ve been meditating and trying to work through these conflicting feelings and then I realized that life is all about opposites and finding the harmony between them.

For instance I practice the art of “financial serenity”. This does not mean that I do not have bills; but rather that I don’t buy something without knowing I have the money to pay for it. Of course there are always emergencies and in those times I just pull the “belt” in a little tighter on my money for a while as things balance out.

I’ve been working on harmonizing my emotions this summer and it has been really hard since part of me is a volcano ready to erupt and part of me kisses and kindness.

My sister said something to me which I will misquote but it went something like this, “Don’t let the world judge you by the things that make you happy. Just because you like games doesn’t make their impact in your life “stupid” or “silly”. Everyone has things that they do that bring them happiness…be it stamp collecting or fishing or gaming.”

And those words of hers have been bouncing around in my head. People who know me understand that I game. Playing a game for a few hours every day may seem like a waste to some; but to me it makes all the other stuff that I have trouble tolerating…bearable.

Does this mean that my family starves or things that are necessary don’t get done? No. Do I shut out my nearest and dearest to game? No.

You know when couples talk about their “Golden Years” there are rockers and sunsets…DH and I talk about gaming systems, surround sound and plasma screens. Gaming is something we do individually and as a family. And it is something that brings us all great joy.

I’m tired of feeling like it is a “dirty little secret” that I have. I’m tired of feeling like I should be ashamed or that I am wasting my time.

I am a gamer. I love my games. I love cool graphics. I love the puzzles in Zelda. I love creating an egg in Pokemon that has kick attacks and then watching her/him fight all the way to the Elite Four. I love building towers and figuring out what pattern will take out the aliens. I love creating and growing my Farm and Frontier. I love that moment when you’ve tried something for two weeks straight and everything just “clicks” and you ace the level. It is like gaming Zen.

This doesn’t mean that this will turn into a gaming blog. I may share primo moments here and there…but more this was about me accepting another part of who I am.

With the humidity so high I can’t really knit. The yarn feels funny and sticks on my needles. So I haven’t picked up my sticks in weeks and I miss it.

The orange essence is doing the trick. It is nudging me here and there to make sense of everything and my place in it. I feel much more centered again and the chaos is pushed outside of me once more.

I’m looking forward to a fun weekend full of family and friends. I’m going to learn to pick crabs tomorrow and I’m so excited!

Have a blessed weekend!

Ruinwen

:)

Sorry if the whole mind-map thing is messy and blurry. I find they really help me focus on stuff when I'm lost. hugs

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