Friday, August 20, 2010

Co-creating

Moms Prayer Shawl

While working on this prayer shawl I feel very centered and balanced in my own life process. And I realize for the first time what has been missing from my knitting for a while now.

I've been so focused on not buying new yarn and using stash and not starting patters before finishing what I've begun...that I've lost sight of the "spirit" of my crafting.

It seems like forever since I've begun a pattern with the help of my Patron Goddess, Bridget...or the elements or...really any of my guides or teachers.

It has been a while now since I really could immerse myself into my crafting like I was able to do for this prayer shawl. It is a good feeling.

I love the way this prayer shawl turned out. I really enjoyed everything about it from the soft fiber to the pattern itself. The edging was sheer genius and I love that I learned something new and fun that I can use over and over again.

I think Mom liked it too. Hard to tell these days.

Update on her condition: They didn't want to do radiation therapy. The second Doctor that they saw said that the tumor is as big as a golf ball and it would be better to operate. He is hoping to get it all in one fell swoop and then not have to do any radiation or chemo afterwards.

When I talked to her on Friday she was "Mom" for our conversation. There was no confusion, no doubt...I wanted to stay on the phone forever just to talk to her about anything so I could keep the Mother I used to know. But that was just a little gift...as my sister said...a little of her soul shining through the chaos that surrounds her mental facade.

I was talking to my friend on Friday night about it and she said that everyone goes through periods where their soul is eclipsed by their outer shadows. She went on to say, "Look at you for instance. In trying to keep sane you've become so regimented that you lack spontaneity."

And it is true. I'm afraid to color outside the lines of my existence for the same reason that I game. I need the structure of some things so that I can deal with all the things I cannot control that surround me.

I used to do things so differently and I think that "time" cannot be an excuse anymore. I used to start the day off with a daily meditation. Not something really long...just something to ponder on and think about during the day and it was a nice way to begin.

I started doing that again this week and I think it makes a big difference in the way I approach everything.

It is just a little change...but it is really all the little things that make up the glittery whole. And the little things are much easier to change then the unmovable mountains that I'm struggling with.

So I'm not going to be so rigid in the future or hard on myself to finish all these WIPs or ideas...or whatever else I've promised myself. I'm going to take time each day to listen to the voice of Spirit. I'm not going to plan out my next project before I finish the one I am working on. I'm going to try to start living in the moment and enjoying it to the fullest instead of dwelling on the past or looking towards the future.

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I'm working on the Basic Tank Top and I'm finding it very enjoyable. I'm making it out of Malabrigo Silky Merino in Nocturnal #472. I love Malabrigo and it is so soft and the colors are so vibrant. This colorway has a spectrum of purples from the shyest violet to the deepest plum and I just adore the way it is making up.

This tank is simple yet...it has some design details that are really beautiful. I would recommend this pattern for anyone looking for a fitted design that is not too difficult with a little flair thrown in.

I'm trying to do it right...I did a gauge swatch before starting...I've been measuring it up against a tank that I wear and love and adjusting everything. I'm almost done but I want to take the time to block the pieces after the shoulder straps are done. I'm going to try mattress stitching for the first time and I'm a little excited. Usually I hate to seam pieces but I think it will be fun to "color outside the lines" a bit with this pattern.

I hope you have a beautiful weekend.
*hugs*
Ruinwen
:)

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