Friday, August 13, 2010

The Soul of the Matter

“My soul is the bridge between spirit and body and, as such, is a uniter of opposites. ...Without soul at center, I would either transcend into spirit or become mired in matter.”
--Marion Woodman

I’ve been thinking about soul and what I believe these last few days. Are we a body with a soul or a soul with a body? Do I believe that there is this other realm where we all go? Do I believe that we reincarnate?

All good questions.

My name means “Reaper”. I’ve always wondered if I’m supposed to harvest stuff or tend souls.

The Sanskrit greeting “Namaste” means,"The God/Goddess in me greets the God/Goddess in you."

I’ve always liked that.

If you asked me when I was 21 I could have told you without a shadow of a doubt what I believed and why. Even now I can argue pretty convincingly about most of these issues.

For instance; when I was learning to knit I just didn’t get purling. I tried for hours and for whatever reason I couldn’t “see” what I supposed to do. I closed my eyes and prayed to DH’s “Gammy” who had recently passed and asked her to help me. With my closed eyes my fingers moved as if someone had lovingly moved them and I made my first purl stitch ever. And when I opened my eyes I suddenly knew how to make the stitch…like I’d been doing it for years.

I know that Gammy helped me. I could feel her love and support blanket around me and fill me to overflowing.

I’d be lying if I said that was a strange experience for me. I talk to the spirits of my ancestors all the time and they’ve answered me in different ways over the years.

I want to believe that the soul lives on…and maybe some of the things that fill us with such joy live on in that soul.

My beloved Mother had a remission to her cancer and this time it is inoperable. She is receiving radiation treatments today…her birthday…my parent’s anniversary. Please send prayers or good thoughts her way today.

I can’t even begin to think of a world that doesn’t have my Mother in it. In many ways she has left us already and that is hard enough.

My Mother was a brilliant person before the dementia set in. As a mathematician of great proportions she would add columns of numbers upside down. She could size and design clothes and sewed many beautiful things for us. I have saved two of her dresses she made me because I couldn’t part with them…one I was married in. She loved crossword puzzles and did them daily…she was always so proud that she could complete them…like there was any doubt?

She was an amazing cook. Her dinners were better then restaurant food. There are still dishes that she made that I just can’t get out because it won’t be the same or anywhere near as good as hers. I’m happy she gave me all the recipes over the years so I can make these dishes that are close to my heart. In the margins are all her little notes making the collection even more precious to me.

Every morning Mom would write me a note. I never tired of them and saved them all. She was always doing little things to make me happy. She liked to be involved in my life and I always told her everything no matter how weird or revealing. It is one of the things I miss the most…just opening up and talking to her.

I was happy that she had time with my son when he was really little. There was a bit of time that they helped me take care of him and I think it really helped them to bond. Yesterday when my little boy was editing his stop motion movie (more on that later), I was reading e-mail and mentioned that his Aunt had suggested making a prayer shawl.

He stopped what he was doing and said, “Let’s pick out some yarn that is soft that Grandma will like. This is much more important then my editing because it is for Grandma.” He ran off and rummaged through my stash as I held back the tears because he is such a rich and beautiful soul.

Now I know why Mom was crying when she found the burnt paper heart between the plates she was heating in the oven that said, “I love you.”

When I asked her why she was crying she answered me, “You’ll know when you have kids of your own.”

I know that Mom can’t remember these things…even when I remind her. I just hope she knows how much I love her…and always will.

Happy Birthday Mom!
Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

Have a nice weekend,



Note: The prayer shawl is made out of King Cole Smooth of my favorite acrylic yarns. I used navy so far; but I plan on using at least two other colors. The pattern is from my friend's post. I was inspired by the beauty of this shawl when I saw it on her. *hugs*

This is my son's debut as my blog photographer. He took the shawl photo. I think he did a great job! :)

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