Frederick

Mastery does not come from dabbling.  We have to be prepared to pay the price.  We need to have the sustained enthusiasm that motivates us to give our best.
- Eknath Easwaran

I have been obsessed in trying to figure something out.  Every day I have my swatches, charts and notes out and every day I am defeated by math and the universe.  But I don't give up.  Usually after a week of watching me try and fail my hubby will step in with some great ideas.  If Friday rolls around and I still don't have an answer then I'll ask the knitting girls for some input.  If all else fails; I close my eyes, quiet my soul and pray.

Sometimes it seems that these obsessions of mine are a hindrance, but truly they help to motivate me and propel me forward.  They force me to question and think about things in a way that I might not have ever thought about.

And while I'm in this "special" place where I'm out of my box and my routines I see things from an enlightened perspective.  It was from this "place" that I cleaned my altar room on Saturday.  I celebrated and mourned, I laughed and wept.  I held each of my treasures and lovingly dusted them off and remembered why they were there before placing them back.  I made sure that Mom had her bracelet and Dad had his dog-tags.  I found the letters that were hidden behind his picture and wept again.  All the time I was playing spiritual music and singing when the spirit moved me and this cathartic act of simply cleaning and remembering changed everything.  Time had stopped for me and when I emerged from my cocoon I realized three hours had passed in what seemed like a half an hour to me.

But then life happened and I left the "special" place until much later in the week.  I had been fiddling with an idea that had suddenly popped into my head but there was no real-time to test it. At dinner, I showed it to my husband on a napkin and he showed me his idea and there it sat.

After my spiritual bath, I usually pick a tarot card and then meditate for a bit before going to bed but instead, I looked at my beautifully clean altar and looked into Mom and Dad's eyes and felt a stirring of compassion and love; like a hug but with more to it.  Once again I got out a pen and began to write out the pattern I was trying to crack line by line; but this time, it worked.

So I've decided to dedicate this shawl pattern, Frederick, (which will be kinda "hush-hush" until after I teach it) to my beloved parents.

Here is the blurb part of my pattern:

"This shawl is dedicated to my beloved parents who taught me to read at a very young age.  Frederick by Leo Lionni, is a book about a mouse who stored away things for the cold winter days like sunshine, words and colors.  My hope is that on those gray days that pass through our lives you can take out this shawl and its colors will bring you joy."

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for everything!  You were always there for me; even now I can feel your love and support; your compassion and your kindness.  I love you now and forever.

May your crafts be full of color that make you smile,
Ruinwen
:)