Disillusionment

One alone is not enough. You need both together.
Winter, summer. Moon and sun.
Lesson number one.

Like a rock you must be hard.
Like an oak you must stand firm.
Cut quick like my blade.
Think fast unafraid.

But you're still out of balance.
You're only halfway there.

Like a cloud you are soft.
Like bamboo you bend in the wind.
Creeping slow.
You're at peace because you know
It's okay to be afraid.

From Disney's Mulan II

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I just drew the 9 of wands for my Imbolic card reading. The Goddess wants me to persevere in the days to come.

But right now I am bummed. In the whole of the Universe my little trivial feelings mean nothing; but right now in this moment I am sad....really sad. You might remember how happy I was to get my little belly ring to honor my belly for all it has done in creating life. But not all these piercings take and after mine caught on the laundry basket it has never been the same. It began migrating a bit ago and I turned a blind eye to the whole thing. After all the pain and fear I had to overcome to get this done had to account for something. But tonight after drawing that card...I knew I had to take it out. And a part of me is mourning tonight. It seems most of the time I do something for myself it never works out as well as the things I do for others.

*sigh*

There is more ice and sleet on the way. More time for introspection as the world freezes and time is held captive. And I can hear the Goddess saying that I can't give up...I have to keep walking the path. All will be well.

But the path seems to be covered in a foot of snow and I think that I have lost my way again.

I'm not sure what She wants me to do or where I am to go.

I have been throwing all my creative energies into my knitting as of late. The shawl is growing by leaps and bounds and I can't believe I will be done before Spring graces the land. *believe me, my crocuses will not be rising anytime soon*

I have a pattern in the works that I've been wanting to make for me and I think it will be adorable. Our group is making a sweater together and I just ordered my yarn after much debate. So I am looking forward to some knitting for me in February. Then in March I need to work on stuff for the store. But Feb will be about finishing my shawl...knitting on a sweater that I plan to wear all the time and making something that came out of a dream two weeks ago. I'll share more as I obtain the yarn and more of a clue of what I am doing.

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I saw the moon and She was just a sliver hanging in the sky getting ready to go dark. I remember a lesson She taught me a long time ago that even the moon needs to take some time to bring Her light within. Her time of darkness is necessary to Her renewal. All living things need this time to go within and renew. Why should I be any different?

Bridget came to me today after the ice covered us this morning and gave me an answer for my question of last night. She told me that my path at this time is to cultivate me. I need this time to renew myself...to heal those things that need to be healed...to lessen my stress...to attend to things that I have ignored. This is my time to go dark and turn my light within.

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To be in balance is the greatest challenge anyone can face. Life often skews us one way or another and it takes a lot to tip the scales back to the center again.

There are many plants that know one cannot be strong all the time. When the winds of adversity come they bend with the pressure instead of cracking and breaking to pieces.

But ice is another story. A layer of ice on the trees seems beautiful; yet let it accumulate and it too will break even those that are pliant and lithe.

Ice can be equated to frozen thoughts. One troublesome thought can be nagging but with patience and perseverance you can work through it. But if that thought is layered upon itself over and over then your emotions can't help but spiral out of control.

February is a time to stop and go within. The snow and ice makes you slow down whether you want to or not.

I'm going to take this month to reach inside myself instead of outside. I have two projects that I would like to work on besides the shawl but beyond that I will focus on the shawl. I am up to 11 repeats and working on the 12th. I can do this.

I am going to the dentist on Tuesday. A part of me is screaming while a part of me is standing strong...so together I am in balance. lol

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I got my yarn yesterday for my sweater and I realized that I ordered the gauge of the yarn in the pattern but that instead of 4.5 stitches to the inch it called for...they really wanted 4 stitches to the inch. And this yarn that they used is bigger then mine by a bit so where as they can get gauge on an 8 or 9 sized needle; mine is more around the 10.5 range.

The problem is will this distort the stitches having such a small yarn on such huge needles? I was so happy to finally get gauge but I wonder if doubling up the yarn would make a difference. The problem with doubling is I lose the effect of the yarn. This yarn has a magical rainbow effect that drew me to choosing this yarn in the first place.

So I'm kinda lost on which way to go. But maybe the huge needle size won't change the pattern that much...it could all be in my head. The point is one way or another I'm still going to make this sweater.

If you have any words of wisdom from past experience with gauge like this...please let me know.

Have a super weekend!
Ruinwen
:)