Striving to Bloom

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.

by Anais Nin

Happy New Year!

This is my first post of 2009 and as promised it is on a Wednesday. My goal is to post on Wednesday every week because it is in the middle of everything…kinda like me. I was born on a Wednesday and they say I should be full of woe…but I’m not…never have been. I’m the kind of person who still looks for unicorns and believes in Santa Claus. I’m all about making the impossible…possible.

This week the task is to figure out how to fit Mom’s two rooms into one without her freaking out too much. Last week when we worked on paring down her clothes she accused us of “throwing all her things away.” *sigh* I’ve decided that we won’t try and get ahead by packing up anything else…we will just wait till the move day and that will be so traumatic that she won’t notice as much what is coming and what is going.

That is if she is there. Mom has an appointment with a memory specialist and there is a chance they will keep her for a while. Everything is always up in the air…the trick is to learn how to juggle. Some days I amaze myself by keeping those balls flowing and sometimes they hit me in the head before falling to the ground. But c’est le vie.

Dad’s tests came out within acceptable parameters. He has leakage in his heart but it is not bad enough to worry. So I will accept that because what else can you do?

I got my little boy back and it was so good to see him. I really missed him around New Year’s. He’s only been gone a week but yet he seems so different. I noticed that he was really following the anime we were watching and asking really good questions where before all the complications of the story were too much to follow for him. And *praise the God and Goddess* he actually got up on time for school on Monday without complaint and was dressed and ready to go before his Dad. *sniff* my little boy is growing up and it is a blessing to see!

And me…I’m not sure what is going on with me but I’m opening myself up a little. I entered a writing contest just to do it. As I told a blogger friend, it is not the winning that is important...though that is always nice...it is the risking a piece of my soul enough to let someone see something born from deep inside me.

I was compelled to write this piece…it just fell out of me like a bout of crying and I felt really cleansed after writing it. Here is the link to the page; my submission is #2.

So while I was in a risking mood I got an e-mail from Lion yarn about the Vanna White contest. I have an idea for a pattern and truthfully I really love her yarn…but it will all be hush hush until that deadline passes also.

So this is something I can show you; my Jared Flood Noro scarf that is not Noro at all. (Sorry it is so dark.) I’m using two types of Cascade 220 and I just love this for a relaxing knit. I’m going to be knitting from stash until May…but I plan on trying this with Noro at some future point.

I’m actually going to make 3 of these scarves with 3 different color combinations just to see how diverse it can look while staying within the same color family.

And *drum roll* please…I found a yarn in my stash that is the right weight to cast on my Cat Bordhi little sock. Not that it is cast on yet…but I found the yarn…baby steps.

I’ve found that I can be good to myself while everything is crazy as long as one of those balls that I’m juggling is me…and truth be told my ball is in the air much more then it hits the ground. lol

DH made it mandatory that I go to knit nights on Friday. This is good for two reasons; 1) my son gets to hang with his Dad and they have time to play shooter games together (ah...the hunter-gather’s bonding) and 2) I know that once a week for 2 or 3 hours I will get to knit in a relaxed yummy environment. One of the ways I function is instead of dreading something I try and look forward to something.

For instance, I know that I can eat healthy all day without a qualm if I know that there is something yummy waiting for me for desert…like a Skinny Cow. I love those! So even if the week is horrible, I know on Friday I will knit and that changes everything.

I’ve found that the relationship with one’s self is just like any other, it takes constant attention and work but in the end, all that effort is totally worth it.

Hope you have a wonderful week! Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)