Tuesday, April 19, 2005

To Thine Own Self Be True

"Let the waters settle
you will see stars and moon
mirrored in your Being."
-- Rumi

I have nothing to show for my knitting efforts as of late since I have done nothing but frog my three attempts at lace. You see I forgot that knitting is my solace the balm that allows the stress to be erased from my being. I forgot the simple joy of creating and got caught up in the end result.

I could blame it on being an Aries because we are go getters with no follow through, but the cause of my forgetfulness lies not in blame but in falling back into old patterns where my needs come last.

I forgot about my needs being just as important as everyone else’s and that will not do. You see I crochet blankets (one a week) for my business and then I sell them twice a year at spring and fall festivals. I got so caught up in the joy of making my clapotis that I missed making four blankets. Now I am trying so hard to catch up that I have no time to knit. And with no time to knit I feel the stress kicking up through my being eating away at all the good I have done. It is akin to fasting for a week and then devouring something full of grease and fat and feeling it seep into your cell walls and clog up every artery. With one bad choice you can feel what you have done to your health.

This is what I have done to myself. Don’t get me wrong I love crocheting but I don’t do it for the same reason which is why I don’t usually mention it. It doesn’t give me the same joy that knitting does. I can’t explain it…but I find so much peace and connection in knitting and I really loved knitting clapotis. It was the finest thing that I have ever made and it taught me more then any other piece I have worked on has. I felt so in tune and serene (even when I was pulling my hair out) and my whole world seemed balanced.

But I haven’t knitted like that for a while and each time I try it is a “quickie” between an exhausting day and bed. The result is that since I have not honored my yarn and let it teach me, it creates a mess which needs to be frogged. When I was frogging for a higher purpose it didn’t bother me so, but now I am almost in tears.

So I have decided and you dear readers can be my witnesses: twice a week I will not even look at my blankets…even though I am behind…if I rush and suffer in the process then all will be for naught. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays I will give thanks, cast on and begin a new chapter in my life... Tuesdays and Thursdays will become devoted to my knitting so my life can have balance again.

When you find that one thing in your life that allows serenity to slip into your being and set your soul ablaze, hold on to it like a dear friend and cherish the gift you have been given…now I need to follow my own advice.

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