Sunday, April 21, 2013

A Little Rain Must Fall

Be still sad heart and cease repining; 
Behind the clouds the sun is shining, 
Thy fate is the common fate of all, 
Into each life a little rain must fall, 
Some days must be dark and dreary. 
Longfellow

I'm sorry that this post is very personal and not full of knitting or spirituality or really anything of valve to you dear reader.  Today I just kind of ask for a hug from my cyber space family and next week I will be back with things to show and beautiful yarns to dazzle and tempt you with.

The thing I have been dreading has happened and most days I feel like my world is just shifting out of order. Mom's cancer has become untreatable. They have said she has two to six months to live and to get her affairs in order. Rain was pitter patterning on the window and the moment is forever frozen in my mind. Lonestar was playing when the Doc told her:

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know, I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there

I was knitting my brioche before I left and I felt Dad's hand on my arm so much so that I turned to see who had touched me and he said, "You do such beautiful work.  It will be okay."

I thought I was going to drop a stitch which is harder to fix in the brioche then you might think; but he was talking about Mom.

In my heart; I know that I let go a long time ago so I could accept this new woman that my Mom had become.  Her dementia makes it hard to talk about most anything for long but I tell the same stories with a smile on my face and treat her with love and respect.

I know she is so weary of everything and she misses Dad terribly.  She hardly eats now; but I can ply her with chocolate and cashews when I visit and her eyes become so bright and my heart smiles a bit to see her so happy.

I called Hospice today to start the process of having them watch over Mom.  Right now she isn't in any pain and most days she has forgotten that she has cancer; which is good I guess.  But Hospice will assure that if she needs anything like pain meds or whatever, it will be there.  They also tell me that they have a wonderful grief counselor and maybe one of these days I will check into that.  Not now though.

So if you are of the praying sort, if you could say one for my Mom I would truly be thankful.

I wish you all a beautiful day,
Ruinwen
:)


Post a Comment