What I Want

“Please… tell me who you are and what you want. And if you think those are simple questions, keep in mind that most people live their entire lives without arriving at an answer.”

-- Gary Zukav

I am the kind of person who is trying to do so much at once that it is easy to get lost along the way. Right now I have a bunch of solid goals and I am walking on the pathways that lead to them. It is impossible to think I can do them all at once but still, I try.

I want to be a healthy weight and despite certain adverse eating days when I could have just pigged out, I have remained true to WW. I keep losing a bit here and there since now I'm whittling away the hardest weight. Each pound lost these days brings with it a new bout of emotions to sift through. I haven’t let it weigh me down again (pun intended) and I haven’t eaten out of anger or sadness. And to me it is not a diet – it is a life change.

I want to be able to handle my full load of overwhelming emotions. These emotions keep building until they attack me with full force. I use the weapons of my trade; Reiki, MAP, Essences, Mantras, Meditation, Ritual, Yoga, Journaling, Prayer and anything else I can think of. But more and more I just want to run away and cry; I want to go somewhere that is separate from my life. So on Sunday, I did and it felt good to sit by gurgling water surrounded by flowers and nature.

I want to be able to use my healing more. For me, this is easy since I am using it as much as possible in a myriad of ways. But I want more than that. I want to find a place that is looking for someone like me, since creating that place cannot happen right now as we had previously planned. I’m working on getting the money for my Nutrition course and hope to have it all saved up by May.

I want to be able to do a project from start to finish without getting sidetracked. I fear this is impossible. I met a woman at knit group who only ever has one project on the needles at a time. ONE. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t do that. As of this post, I have 17. I’m ashamed of that. I know that Aries are not known for endings and completions since they are on the fire, energy side of the chart…but still. It isn’t that I don’t finish things; because I do.

I find it so hard to focus on things. I’ve been trying to find a stitch for the washcloth of my spa set. And this is the one I’ve fallen in love with. I bet you thought I’d just placed my spa idea aside as a flight of fancy. And heck, I would not blame you in the least. But this time my dear readers I have been working hard to make and test the products that were in my head.

The round little crochet face scrubbie I love. I’ve had it now a month or so and it is doing great. I have been throwing it in the wash with the towels at it seems not to mind at all. So I think this is a winner.

The washcloth is light and airy. I wanted a mesh that would hold soap, yet not be so heavy that it took away from the experience.

I have an idea for the actual puff…but I haven’t worked it out yet.

As much as I try and at least cast off one project before I cast on another…I cannot stay focused on one project. At least I do a little here and there on each one and none is totally forgotten. I’m trying to add them all to the sidebar so I’m accountable for them.

So what did we learn today? I’m a mental and emotional mess who is on hold for her next phase of healing classes. I can’t seem to stay focused enough to finish anything but I look darn good not doing it. lol

Have a great day,
Ruinwen
:)

Note: This pic was made from my new IPad on the Doodle program. The goal is that I can take my IPad with me and be able to put together a post. BTW...I love the IPad. I've already downloaded a book to the reader and I love that I can search through the text when I need to find something fast. I love the big screen that I can embiggen whenever I need to with a pinch.