Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Holes


Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.
-- Orison Swett Marden

I don’t know if I’ve told you before how terrified I am of death; which is so ironic since my name means “reaper”. But I am. I’m always afraid that this is it and wow, haven’t I really messed up this one chance that I’ve been given to make something wonderful of the time I’ve been given?

I believe in reincarnation and other worlds and so much other stuff that I take on faith. It seems stupid to be afraid of death when in my heart I believe we go on in some form or fashion. But I am.
When Obsidian died in our arms a week ago there was no fear or hesitation. My son and I watched vigil for the 15 minutes between us finding him unable to move and the moment he left us for his next life.

My son the old soul that he is asked the God and Goddess, “All I ask is in his next life may he find a family that loved him as much as we did.”

I believe in my heart he will.

My life seems to be developing holes in it as of late. When my LYS closed it formed a little yellow hole in our town. I couldn’t just stop by and see friends or sit and knit for a little with people I cared about. It still feels weird to see the building without the sign…like something isn’t quite right in my world.

Obsidian passing created a huge hole in my heart and in our home. I am happy that he hardly suffered, the steroids kept him going to the very end. We spoiled and loved him to his last breath. When he died he was surrounded by people who loved him and always will. But I miss him fiercely.

I realize that it has been over a month since I posted and that too seemed like a hole I just couldn’t fill. How can I sum up my feelings in a sentence or two and create colorful antidotes when the words just won’t flow?

But in the world of circles and cycles after each death comes a rebirth and I feel it is time to try and find my place again and leave the holes open to welcome in new things. Nothing is forgotten but time lessens the pain a bit each day and there is still so much to do I can’t stop for long.

I’ve missed your blogs and I’m out of touch but give me a few and I will find my way back.

Not all who wander are lost.
Tolkien

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)

10 comments:

luv2felt said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Obsidian. {{{{Hugs}}}} My Scooter is having some issues now too. Hopefully medication can help her out. I, too, miss our little yellow shop but always because of the folks that I met there.

Nana Sadie said...

Thank you for the honor of being one you called the day sweet Obsidian died.
My heart still aches for you. He was a good friend, and you won't get over him soon.
I'm always here.
(((Hugs)))

Anonymous said...

My good thoughts go with your sweet kitten and you.
Having watched so many animal passings as a vet tech I can tell you that there is no fear, there is no pain, and they love their families to the moment they pass and longer. beings of complete, unconditional love.
They are great, great souls. It will take some time to heal as all wounds do but it will be alright.

My theory is if you get this life right you get to come back as a house pet ;)

Anonymous said...

(((hugs)))

Stitch-n-Snitch said...

Hugs and good thoughts your way. :)

Anonymous said...

I haven't read your blog in way too long; I'd forgotten how wonderfully you weave the spiritual and the everyday together -- you're even better at that than you are at knitting. :)

I know I can't tell you not to worry (that's when we worry the most! hee) but the ebb and flow of life means that things will straighten out eventually...you just have to get there.

Love and light, as always!

--rueyeet the ever-anonymous

Geraldine said...

Sending more hugs your way Ruinwen...so very sad. Your dear Obsidian will be with you, always.

I also sent an email about this, hope it was received.

Stop by when you can, no rush but do miss you.

Birdsong said...

What a lovely tribute... being one who likes to hold the story of the Rainbow Bridge close to my heart, I would prefer to think that Obsidian is happily biding his time until he can meet you coming across. Blessed be, dear friend, the holes will gradually fill with the good things your loving energy attracts.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you.

Geraldine said...

Our dear Mitzi passed on a couple of weeks ago. (tribute over at MPP).

She's left a huge void...we miss her so much. 21 years with her was not enough. Is their time with us, ever enough?

I was thinking of you today Ruinwen and thought Id stop in. When I clicked through, I arrived at this post, go figure...

Hugs, G