Sunday, December 21, 2014

Good Night

So I'm going to share something that is kinda personal to me.  For years I've had trouble sleeping in the same room as my husband because he snores.  We have tried everything.  Earplugs made my inner ear troubles echo like a train was running through my head and they made me a bit woozy.  We got two white noise machines that allowed me to stay in there half of the night but as soon as he got bad it would break through the white noise. He has tried supplements and herbs; medicines and everything under the sun.  I have tried everything from herbal remedies to a shot of sherry (this was very infrequent as I don't drink more then a glass of wine now and then these days).

In short, I love being with my husband and look forward to that special feeling I get as he holds me at night.  It frustrated me to have to move in the middle of the night and my sleep suffered greatly.  But we kept trying to find some magic combination of something that would allow us to make it through the night together.

Over the last few months I have been working with Sleepio, an app that helps you understand your sleep and find ways to improve it.  There was a whole section on outside noises, including snoring, and how they affect your sleep.  Sleepio explained how over years and years by trying to avoid the snoring, I've created a reaction to the snoring and that was part of the problem.

My sleep coach taught me a piece of the puzzle that I hadn't even understood; I was projecting this inability to sleep.  Since I knew the minute I heard the snoring I would have to move I was all set up to do so.  Over the years I had put out clothes and water and stuff to bring over to the other room.  I always make my bed up that night so it would be ready for me with the covers pulled back.  I was creating a habit of moving every night and reinforcing it by my actions.

So slowly over the course of a month I stopped doing all those things to prepare for my moving.  I created a stronger "want" to stay under the warm covers with my loving husband then to move into the cold air and to try and find all those things.  I made the getting out of bed the frustrating part and one morning I found that I was still there and it was a wonderful feeling to be warm and snuggly with my husband.

That was step one because even though I had fought my way back to sleep through the snoring; I still felt wasted that I had fought a huge battle.  I kept telling myself that I was making strides and I needed to keep up the work.

Step two was to choose not to be affected by his snoring.  I started off the night as I did my nightly reiki saying a dialogue of me the next day happy and totally unaffected by any sounds in the night.  I projected me already making it through the night until I was done with my reiki and then curled up with my husband and was shocked when I woke up in his arms the next morning.  This time I was well rested and I knew that his snoring hadn't woken me up.

Now some nights I would make it through and then others I would not.  But this was better then never making it through.  I continued to use the new tools that I had created to help me but something was still needing to be changed and that was me.

The sound of snoring would set off an emotional response in me.  If I heard it out of context, it would still cause some serious anger, frustration and other negative emotions to sleep coach said these had to change if I was truly going to get a good night's sleep.

I needed to take my negative feelings about snoring out of the equation.  Little by little I needed to make a new pavlovian response to the sound of snoring.  So every time I heard snoring I began to relax.  

I would tighten my muscles up in one area of my body and this would be my old feelings about snoring; angry, unchanging and negative and then I would release that area of my body and say relax as I did so and this would be my new feeling...relaxing, serenity and good deep sleep.  I kept this up for another month.  In the beginning I would have to wake up enough to focus on the relaxing but now my body just sort of does it as I hear the snoring and the next thing I know I am waking up really rested.  Now the snoring actually relaxes me as I no longer have a negative emotional tie to it and that is fantastic!

It wasn't easy to get here.  It took months of dedicationworking with my surroundings and the support of my loving family...but I did it!  Last month I was actually able to make it through the entire night every night. When my hubby rolled over and I was still there he was so happy because that is what he has wanted all this time for us.

So I found you really can change have to do it slowly and it takes time and everyone's situation is different.  But if you can change just one thing at a time and let that change sink in then the next change is a little easier until the moment when you realize that you have done it.  You have really changed your life.

In Minecraft survival you start out with nothing.  You have no food and no shelter.  The monsters will eat you at night and life is really challenging when you are starting out.  But as you gain tools and supplies, things change. Slowly you start to feel that you are going to be okay and you can tell you are getting stronger.  The monsters aren't as dangerous and most times you can avoid them.  You keep getting stronger and you grow crops and have collect animals.  Now you don't have to worry about food so much.  Each achievement makes you stronger and you grow as a character.

Gaming teaches me about life and life teaches me about gaming.  In all these games you start with nothing and create a world where you get stronger and stronger and that totally works in real life too.  The gaming is easier then the actual real world where you have to change up everything and really make an effort but the truth is that you can do anything if you really break it down and work on it and believe in yourself and the process.

Bright Blessings and a Happy Yule to those that celebrate,


P.S.  The above pic is two half-linen stitch infinity cowls.  This one is my Holda pattern: I wanted to show how different yarns really change the effect of the cowl.  I love the rainbow one it reminds me of an Egyptian neck piece.  And I still love the winter one with the grey on white.  It is such a fun stitch!  :)

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