I've been having this feeling that something is missing for a while now. It took me a while to realize that the something that is missing is not a hole to be filled or something I need to fix. There is space now where before I was doing things for my parents; which wasn't a chore but it was a constant part of my life. Just like having another family live with us was a mixed blessing; but now that they have found a home of their own...everything is different. To lose two such big influences on my life in one year has changed everything for me and my family.
This is what it feels like to have less stress. I can come home and relax and do things and still be able to wash a load of clothes or dishes or make dinner and not feel hurried. There are breaths of space between everything that weren't possible for me before no matter how hard I tried to carve the way for them. This is new and it feels unnatural for me; but this is how my life is supposed to flow.
Space is a good thing. It allows air and possibility to exist. In lace it helps to show how beautiful everything is with some distance between the stitches. I am starting to be able to focus on individual moments again because of the light between them. Simple things really have started to shine for me again.
I got that old rush I used to get when I did ritual this Sunday. It had slowly been coming back to me these last few months. Ritual for me has always been such an important aspect of my faith. I married a man who believes as I do and loves to raise some good energy.
In the old days I had a circle and we would feast and do ritual every holiday without fail. I missed that. I missed the simple act of sitting around a fire and the house smelling of a roast sprinkled with magic because for a while it was just something we couldn't do due to circumstances that were beyond our control.
But now...I feel like a kid again and it is like coming home to a part of myself that I really missed. My son suggested we rebless our Nightmare Prevention Bags that we made in '08. There was a really bad year where he would recite the words every night before bed. I can't tell you how many bad dreams I pushed away with my little bag. It was time.
So one of the things I really like to do is write spells, prayers, blessings...really anything spiritual. Back in the days of my Wicca 101 classes; the thing that stuck with me was the whole rhymes have power thing. I like the challenge of making it rhyme. It puts a little of myself into it and my time and energy which in my opinion, both add some good energy.
Here are the words since they blurred in the photo:
Little bag full of herbs and things that scare
Make a hedge boundary that reads beware
No evil can reach me when I sleep
No negativity into my dreams may creep
Herbs of protection circle thrice
May your scent good dreams entice
I welcome in good beings to watch over me as I rest
As I fall asleep I know that I am very blessed.
So mote it be.
My son helped mix everything and punch out bats, cats, spiders and leaves. We had fun and it didn't take really long to prepare everything. We got some cat whiskers (they had fallen off over the years and we save every one of them) for a blessing from our four-footed friends.
I mulled some cider with cinnamon, cloves, allspice and ginger. A roast was crocking as we were working and the two smells were just divine.
My husband and I cleared off the pad in the back and it didn't seem like work. This song was starting in my heart and I could feel it running through my veins and filling me with this incredible joy.
The whole ritual was simple but the energy of family and community and connection were so strong that I can still feel the effects. I feel like a battery recharged. It is like the lapse of the past had never been.
Now, I pride myself on helping people and she had entrusted me to finish these projects correctly so I had two options; rip or fix each stitch. Really the time expended would be the same so I began to drop five rows down on each of the stitches and ladder them back up again. All told in the end I fixed 1,360 stitches. But the Fibonacci is back on track and now I don't have to reknit those rows.
This is such a lovely yarn to work with. It allows me to move all the stitches around and then just snaps back into place. The colors are beautiful and soothing too. I will have to ask my friend what it is.
BTW: No Nauga's were harmed in the making of this post. :)