Despondency and a New Pattern

Today I remembered my little green stopper to bring to Starbucks; this is an achievement…no really.

I had hoped last time I wrote that I could continue my blogging days; but alas that did not happen. I’m not sure exactly what did happen since this year has become hazy in its passing.

My beloved hubby was looking for a job and things had been tense for a while but the Goddess was looking over me (as always) and opened up a new door that I wasn't expecting in the least.

I was asked to teach at the Knitter’s Nest; a wonderful LYS chock full of beautiful yarns and lovely people to boot. A friend of mine had asked to watch me design something from start to finish; so I set out to make something beautiful out of lace in honor of the extraordinary woman that gave birth to my husband, for my first class.

I had found this scrumptious yarn at The Mannings (look at me dropping LYS names like they are going out of style…lol). It is made out of sugar…I like to slur the u a bit…suuugar…when I say that. It is soft and silky and drapes like a dream. I knew this was the perfect yarn for my project.

My friend was content to watch me struggle with gauge and the pattern over and over. I brought it to Friday night with the girls and they laughed at the number of life-lines I had at the various repeats in the pattern.

Finally, I found an edging that I adored and established a place where a bead would go nicely in it; and after three months of extensive edits, I was finally done.

The day before I taught my class, my Father fell. The hospital urged me to finish my class that he was in no shape to see me. I saw him the next day and it was heartbreaking…he passed away soon after surrounded by his loved ones…after living a long and colorful life. I promised him that we would take care of Mom who he had lovingly spent his days proving comfort and companionship.

Suddenly…everything changed. Children became adults overnight. As POA of my Mother; I suddenly had bills and Doctor’s appts and other things that I had to keep track of. And I say this with no anger or ill intent; it is a joy to care for my Mother…I love her dearly and would do anything to ease the loss of her husband and best friend. It's just I had trouble keeping track of the three of us…now it was four and I felt a little frayed. Don’t get me wrong my sister is a HUGE help and my family is awesome…my friends are the best and they have been there for every tear and every breakdown.

But…that doesn't stop the…missing him. I just miss him. I know people lose people every day and I always send a prayer to their family…but I've never lost anyone so close like this before…and I've never felt this emptiness like I feel now.

At times I feel that maybe a bit of depression has set in and maybe it has…but I don’t really have time for it. I work a 40 hour week and when I get home there is homework, sometimes pattern designing, dinner and bed. And that continues until Friday...when I am already tired beyond belief and I go to knitting because I love it.

I haven’t stopped doing anything important. I keep going, but the little things become harder each day and the stress at times of the things I can’t do is overwhelming.

I had vertigo for four weeks and I never even opened my computer.

That is why after a week of trying to remember my little green stopper, the fact that I did, is a reason to celebrate.

Thanks for listening.

Happy crafting, Ruinwen

BTW: The Knit Nana Lace Cowl will be available on Ravelry soon.

My test knitters have been awesome and all the edits are done. A special thanks to my model as well who came right over to help me with a photoshoot and didn't mind the 20 or so pictures we took to get the shot right.