Friday, September 10, 2010

Fear of Success


"The world would have you agree with its dismal dream of limitation. But the light would have you soar like the eagle of your sacred visions."

-- Alan Cohen

Here is the new prayer shawl. I think it came out nicely. Mom seems to like it.

She is having surgery today. Thank you everyone for your prayers and good thoughts; I know they make such a big difference!

This week I have felt…slightly off. I don’t know it if is because the sun no longer wakes me up in the morning…or if that day off really confused my inner clock…but I feel very scattered this week.

I watch all these people that surround me who are successful and run businesses and I wonder, “Why can’t I do that?” I have the foundation…but lack the energy to actually get somewhere. Our Esty page sadly never got up this year…and that is a shame since we have so many wonderful things in stock.

Fall Fest is around the corner and I’ve done nothing for it but order new receipt books with our name on them. Whoo hoo! I feel like a total and utter failure sometimes. The Goddess gives me all these talents to try and change our lives and I just shuffle my feet.

After every Fair we always have all these splendid ideas and most of them never come to pass.

DH and I have this precarious balance of not doing too much to threaten what we have and not doing too little that we don’t have stock for the Fairs. I think this mentality hurts us at least in our business…we never risk.

We don’t do this to have a second income though one day we would like to be in a place where this could happen. DH has always been afraid of becoming too successful and not having enough stock. He never wants our demand to outweigh our ability to create.

So where does that leave us?

I asked the Goddess what my next step should be. If maybe I’m just being impatient for no reason. Maybe…just maybe I’m right where I should be and when the time is right then everything will fall into place.

The Goddess answered in that beautiful voice of love and compassion that has gotten me through so much this year, “Socks. Start with socks and all the rest will follow.”


…socks it is then. :D

Have a wonderful weekend.




Geraldine said...

You have sooooo much on your plate Ruinwen, don't expect to be at top performance. How can you expect to "do it all" when life is so full in so many ways right now. I think you are doing amazingly well, all things consider. And I agree with the goddess, socks!!! I can't knit them (the little tiny tiny needles drive me crazy) but I sure think handmade ones are nice.

The shawl for your mom is so pretty. I am sorry she's in surgery today but I hope all goes well. I send a big hug to her and to you.

Rue said...

Socks are a good idea; they can be priced relatively low, and going into fall they should sell well (especially if Fair's a little chilly!)

Thing is, you can only fit so much into life. Right now you are working, raising a son, and running a household -- all while taking time to create beautiful things, working on your health, and still finding time to do the games you enjoy. That's one HECK of a lot of stuff!

When you look at what you haven't achieved, you've got to balance that with what you HAVE achieved, and realize that in order to reach one goal, something else has gotta give. If you want Vixenpath to be an income, you've got to take away something else so that you can devote that time.

Aaaand confession time: ...I haven't gotten my new stock together for Fall Fair either. ^^;

Geraldine said...

Just stopping in to leave more hugs. Hope you and your mom are both ok. Take care Ruinwen, thinking of you...

KnitNana said...

When the time is right, you'll have the energy and will go full tilt. But chances are? That won't happen while you have all the heavy responsibilities you currently do.

I started Nana Sadie Rose AFTER my daughter was grown and gone, when everything else in my world was fairly secure.

And I went after it. But I could NOT have done it while in my younger years, with family (multi-generational) responsibilities to handle!

The right time will come.

Marlene said...

Somehow you always seem to be writing about my life.

Lately I've been feeling parallelized and unable to make the smallest decisions about what to do next. On the one hand I'm feeling overwhelmed by all that needs doing, and yet at the same time I sit, inert, unable to take the first tiny, baby step towards some kind of meaningful progress.

Birdsong said...

I love the way the shawl border highlights the browns. Very nice work. I totally understand about trying to find the balance between over-committing funds and not having enough to show. My friends who are doing fairs this summer aren't doing as well as they had hoped. How is your mama doing now?

Breien in Lansingerland said...

Hmmmm... socks :-)

I hope to finish a few pairs this month before starting any new.

I think your mom's shawl is beautiful, and hope your mom will recover well from surgery.

I also feel your Goddess is sending you the info you need to work with at the moment. Don't worry so much, my friend!