Friday, January 22, 2010

Serenity


When I think of a way to define serenity it always comes down to water. Water can be liquid, gaseous or solid depending on the circumstances. It knows how to change form to suit the situation or its surroundings.

If an object enters its realm of influence, it flows around them and eventually settles sharing its space with the newcomer in harmony. When that object leaves the water; the space it occupied is swallowed and disappears…as if it never existed in the first place.

My goal for 2010 is to be more like water.

Last year for me was akin to a wild fire running through my being burning everything in its path until little was left. I was consumed by the events that surrounded me until I doubted my own purpose and knowledge of self.

Who’s to say why one being can take the trials and tribulations that have been piled on them with ease and another breaks under the burden of responsibility…but I broke into little pieces and I let the flames consume me until the rains came and put out the fires.

Now for the first time in so long I can see almost clearly. All the swirling chaos that surrounds me stays outside of me although it shares my space and dances through my days with me. I have learned again how to step outside of myself and see what is truly mine and what belongs to everyone else.

So I begin again to piece together the things that make me…well me. I draw them close to me and hold them dear and slowly I feel almost whole again.

My goals this year are simple and each calls in a different aspect that I have been lax to embrace.

Air – I want to create one thing that is mine…be it a poem or story, a knit pattern or a beaded necklace. I want to create one thing with joy in my heart and enjoy the process as much as the final project.

Fire – I want to be back in my skinny jeans at the end of the year…I’ve already joined Weight Watchers…again…third time is the charm right? I’ve down-loaded the app and I have been faithful for two weeks now. For two weeks before that I worked on finding a breakfast and coffee combo at Starbucks that works…’cuz I don’t have time to make breakfast or eat it before I leave the house…I’ve been doing elliptical 3 times a week and the Wii Fit Plus in between…I try to walk most days…even if it is in place for 1,000 steps at least once a day. And yes all this tracking and extra time to workout is just that…extra time that I am working into my day to form a seamless immersion. If I don’t have the points…I don’t eat it…I don’t cheat. But I find most things are doable if I plan a bit and I don’t feel like I’m suffering at all…except maybe from all that chicken flapping on the Wii…for some reason that really makes my arms ache. :)

Water – Serenity in every aspect of my life. Last year my husband and I embraced financial serenity. We have been working towards no commercial debt and we are almost there. Last year we had to buy a very expensive new heat pump and it drained our emergency funds and since we had to pay up front the rest went on the card. But that is okay. The amazing thing was that we were able to do it. Now we are building up the emergency fund again and working on paying off the balance…but I feel like a milestone has been reached and that feels really good.

Earth – this one I’m bad at…Go to all the doctors and dentists and appointments I’ve been putting off.

Spirit – Do things that make me smile. Last year I did so many things that I had to do that were difficult and made me hurt inside. So this year I want to try and sprinkle the stuff that “has to be done” with the stuff I really enjoy doing. So far I’ve identified what these nuggets are and I’m trying to embrace them as much as I can.

Not an impossible list…but each one will take a little time and a little doing. If I can take a breath and think like water…I think each one is possible.

I thank all of you that checked in on me from time to time and tried to cheer me up. You all are so important to me and I’ve missed writing this blog…but the words for so long wouldn’t come. Even now I struggle with phrases that flowed off my fingers before…but baby steps…

Hugs to all of you and yours.

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)
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