Friday, July 08, 2005

The Nature of Becoming

Have you ever worked on a piece and it just doesn’t come out right and you aren’t sure where you failed? Well I began a simple scarf that had a diamond lace pattern in it and I frogged the whole thing six times and tinked back more times then I can remember. It really frustrated me. I had the knowledge, I understood the pattern and this wasn’t rocket science.

Then I read a post by a fellow knitter and it all made sense. This yarn was supposed to become a clapotis and here I was making it into a scarf. I think it was insulted and fought my new choice for it’s design. You can laugh and think I’m crazy but I’ve spoken before on the yarn teaching me and this time is no exception.

This beautiful patterned yarn wanted more then I was offering by my simple scarf. So I explained that in the months ahead my time might be limited by some of my choices and this scarf would be my Red Heart Knit project for Fall Fest. I also explained how the fringe would be beaded with Swarvoski crystals and it would sparkle in a rainbow of colors like the sun hitting new formed ice at dawn.

Suddenly, there was no problem. The four hours I spent agonizing were erased by the ease that I now possessed. The 20 rows pinnacle that I never before reached was achieved in 22 minutes. The yarn had agreed to what it was becoming and together we are creating this scarf.

The teaching of this yarn brought me much as I reviewed the choices in my life that were ones that I had chosen because they rang true vs. the ones that to this day I struggled with. I realized that the ones that I didn’t enjoy were not harmonizing with my nature and my inner knowing self has been trying to show me that this is not me by any means necessary. But I ignored all the signs and plodded on.

In last night’s meditation I took the strands of my life and looked at each one to see if it brought me joy and peace and if it didn’t I no longer let it continue on in the tapestry that is my life. I thanked each strand for the good and bad and let it go. I also lovingly caressed the strands that were now shining like spun silver and invited them to grow. I watched as they filled in the spaces left by the things that I let go and I could feel my heart well up with love and happiness. I left that meditation feeling renewed and vibrant.

Today I continue to carry on that meditation by writing the letters and making the phone calls that will allow me to let go of those areas of my life that are not me. And as I settle into thoughts of the weekend I have created more room for the things that I love and that bring me pure unadulterated joy.

May you find your true joy,

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