And Now for Something Completely Different

As an Aries, I am easily distracted by new and shiny things.  I've been looking at those Rainbow Loom band bracelets for a while now.  I thought they would be fun to make for our booth and apparently my son was thinking the same thing.  So we ordered the loom and bands and got to work.

You have to pay attention to what you are doing to make sure all your loops are secure is, of course, the first rule that I learned.   The second thing I learned is these bracelets are fun and easy to make if you are patient and I'm kinda addicted.

Being around Halloween they had a lot of glow-in-the-dark colors so I'm a happy camper.  There is something that always makes me smile when I see something glow.

When I first saw them I fell in love with the Starburst pattern.  I have wanted one of these for a while now. When my son and I watched the video it didn't seem to hard even though it was marked advanced.  But we had a good teacher.  I like Ashley's videos because she clearly shows how to layout the bands and she is really easy to follow.  Hopefully, I will have one of these to show you next week.

I'm looking forward to conquering new patterns with my son; it is nice to have a project that we can share together.  He is looking forward to making bracelets for his friends with his mad new skills.  It is a win/win deal.

The only thing bad about this hobby is the bands are little and we have a little white terror who wants to save us from the evil snapping rubber bands.  I ordered a case for the bands but it is running a little late so my son volunteered one of his Lego sorting boxes and it is perfect to keep the bands away from Frost.

Frost is an amazing kitten.  He has been pushing his limits a little more each day by jumping, climbing and winning every game of Cat Fishing.  Yes, my little kitten loves to play on the iPad.  He is ferocious as he hunts down the fish and he has learned to restart the game as well.  I think hubby found him eyeing Candy Crush the other day.  Frost really gives credence to the dog that ordered stuff on amazon; so we are watching his computer time closely.  lol

Frost hates napkins.  They are evil and he hunts them down and rips them to shreds.  You will hear this growl and suddenly Frost will appear with a napkin trailing behind him.  I keep taking them away and he keeps finding new ones.  I gave him a white towel that he couldn't rend and he seems happy to hunt that as well.

Shadow seems to be adjusting and they have started to play now and then which makes me really happy.

No knitting has taken place at home due to the fact that needles move and it is hard to make stitches with a kitten lunging at you every few stitches, but that is okay.  I knit Friday night at our meet-up and it was refreshing and nice to pick up my project again.

While I have not been knitting much; I have been working on a gift design for my secret Yule person.  I'm having a lot of fun with it and I think it will be a cool thing to knit.  But that is really all I can say right now.  I hope to be able to give you a peek later.

I also jotted down an idea for a Widdershins memorial pattern.  I always liked the way her contrasting fur made her beauty shine and I want to design something to highlight those aspects.

Lots of ideas gelling in my head.  Hopefully this weekend I will get some time to chart them out a bit. Maybe I can sneak in some swatching while Frost is sleeping?

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

Love is Infinite You Can Always Make More

"Love doesn't end with death."
a blurb taken from my Hospice newsletter

It has taken months for my mind to really believe this.  A loss of someone important in your life is devastating.  In the first few months after they pass you feel a hole that can't be filled.  And hopefully, other things slowly close that hole up a bit as time goes on.  You may not think of them as often and when you do it might be because of good memories that make you smile.  You will always miss them but the underlying truth is, "love doesn't end with death."

The moments you shared with your loved one are yours.  Your love for them is eternal.  Death does not change that.  When I hear a bird call that I know, I smile and remember Dad teaching me how to "talk" to them at the cabin.  When I watched Lethal Weapon this weekend, Mom was right there enjoying every minute with me.  I find myself still looking under blankets for Widdershins since she loved to hide under them. These are all precious memories that are dear to me and allow my loved ones to still be with me.

Do I still have moments of tears and sadness that bubble up from within me and rent me in two?  Yes, of course.  But the good memories and the love that I have for them outweigh the sadness more often than not.

Do you believe in Fate or Karma?  Widdershins loved my husband with her every breath.  I believe that she reached into the soul of the Universe and made a wish that her "person" would find someone new to take care of him.  She knew her passing would be so hard but she also knew that it was her time to go.

The day she passed there was a kitten that had been brought in that morning.  His Mom had been hit by a car and he was all alone.  He was sweet and white and tiny as kittens are.  But my husband couldn't even think of another cat, especially when he was losing his beloved little Widdershins.  He told me later that he had to take a peek through before he left the Doctor's Office to see who was mewing back there.

A week later I came to get Widdershins' memorial box and the Doctor put the little white kitten in my arms. It is hard to know what to do.  It is easy to say that one isn't ready for a new kitten so soon, but it is almost impossible not to fall in love with a sweet little face and big blue eyes.

So I went home and talked it over with the family and the next day everyone went to hold the little white fluff ball.  And he has enchanted us all.  So, please welcome the newest member of our family who has yet to be named but has already won our hearts.

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

Moving Forward

"Learning to be aware of feelings, how they arise and how to use them creatively so they guide us to happiness, is an essential lifetime skill."

-- Joan Borysenko

I've been feeling out of sorts as of late so my sister suggested turning back to something that I had put on the back burner; Linemen.

Usually, when I create a new pattern there is a meaning to why and who it is being made to honor. This time it is my family members who are part of the phone company. I have always seen them as helpers to Hermes the God of Communications. Communication is so essential in any relationship. We take the ability to press a button and hear someone's voice for granted since it is something that we do every day but the minute we can't...we notice.

My Grandpa, Pop Pop and my BIL all work(ed) for the phone company and kept (keep) communication flowing. I wanted to design something to honor them.

I usually turn to KnitPicks when I am designing; they have a beautiful choice of yarns and colors that really hold true to gauge. Their Swish is soft and vibrant with 220 yards to play with.

I haven't worked a lot with cables but now I feel my understanding of how they work is much broader. I took a cable I liked that had four legs and charted where each of the legs was going with different colors and then I took out the 4th leg and cleaned up the chart so the cable was balanced. I worked a few swatches and I'm pretty happy with the result.

When I dreamed about this cable originally, it had different colors. So I have been playing around with intarsia cables. After looking at the cable in a few different places, I think I really like the colored one to be the one in the middle. As you can see from the swatch the middle cable is the one that touches each of the others. I like that. I think this would look really neat with any combo that someone desires. I'm going to make a black and red one, a blue and white one and then one to keep for the shop in purple and green which have nothing to do with the phone company but I really like them.

This scarf could be used for teams or other things that have two colors like Hogwarts' Houses. I really like it.

Of course, the whole thing is starting to curl and that is an issue that I hope (pray) will block out.

I bought a book that was filled with things I could only hope to knit in 1996. It was my one day I hope to be good enough to make this book. I bought the book because of this sweater.  It is the Cromarty by Alice Starmore.  She is a goddess of cables and all things knitting.

I really think I could make this now.  I have come such a long way since the 90s.  lol  :)

Cables are very daunting when you look at some of them; all those legs can be very intimidating.  But if you break each cable down and treat each leg one at a time, they become so much easier to manage.


Linemen is just three cables but I really learned so much from cleaning up my cable legs.

Say you have this pattern:
Row 1: P6, K2, P6
Row 2: K6, P2, K6

The middle two stitches are your cable.  If you want to move those two stitches to the right it would look like this:

Row 3: P5, T3B, P6
Row 4:  K7, P2, K5

(Twist 3 Back- slip the next stitch onto a cable needle and hold at the back of your work, knit the next two stitches from the left-hand needle, then purl the stitch from the cable needle)

The (b) back or (f) front instruction tells you where you will be holding your cable needle.  The number tells you how many stitches are in the cable.

This cable moved the stitch over to the right by one stitch. It takes the purl stitch on the right and swaps it with the two knit stitches of your work.

If you want to move those two stitches back to the left again, it would look like this.

Row 5:  P5, T3F, P6
Row 6:  K6, P2, K6

(Twist 3 Front- slip the next two stitches onto a cable needle and hold it at the front of your work, purl the next stitch off of your left-hand needle, and then knit the next two stitches from the cable needle)

This cable moved the stitch over to the left by one stitch.  It takes the purl stitch on the left and swaps it with the two knit stitches on your cable.

If you wanted to take two cables and cross them you could do this:

Row 1:  P4, K4, P4
Row 2:  K4, P4, K4
Row 3:  P4, C4F, P4
Row 4:  K4, P4, K4

(Cable 4 front - slip the next two stitches onto a cable needle and hold them in the front of your work, knit the next two stitches off of your left-hand needle, and then knit the two stitches from the cable needle)  In this cable the right-hand cable leg goes over the left-hand cable leg.

A C4B, where the two cable stitches are held in the back, would do the opposite and the left-hand cable leg would go over the right-hand cable leg.

You can use these three cables to do this:













(the example is worked over 16 stitches, all of the abbreviations are listed above)

Row 1: P6, K4, P6
Row 2: K6, P4, K6
Row 3: P6, K4, P6
Row 4: K6, P4, K6
Row 5: P6, C4F, P6
Row 6: K6, P4, K6
Row 7: P5, T3B, T3F, P5
Row 8: K5, P2, K2, P2, K5
Row 9: P4, T3B, P2, T3F, P4
Row 10: K4, P2, K4, P2, K4
Row 11: P4, T3F, P2, T3B, P4
Row 12: K5, P2, K2, P2, K5
Row 13: P5, T3F, T3B, P5
Row 14: K6, P4, K6
Row 15: P6, C4F, P6
Row 16: K6, P4, K6
Row 17: P6, K4, P6
Row 18: K6, P4, K6

And there is a simple little pattern you can use to embellish hats and such.

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

Green Scales Feel Like Rain :(

Our sweet little girl is journeying the Rainbow Bridge.  She is free of pain and running and causing havoc on the other side.  I'm sure she is happy to see her brother Obsidian too.

Widdershins, who was named after the way she chased her tail counter-clockwise, was our little huntress. When she was a kitten she would zoom around the house, climb the curtains and pounce on unsuspecting feet.  She would position a toy mouse just so and then proceed to stalk and hunt it.  She loved curling up on her Daddy's lap, keyboard or anything that was between her and him.

I loved her tuxedo markings; little white paws and the white on her ruff and face.  She had the most beautiful expressive green eyes that could really look into your soul.

She loved to sleep with me and would pin me to the bed even though she was a tiny little thing.  She started doing it more after Dad died; I think she didn't want me to feel alone.

She always faced adversity with tenacity and determination.  Her arthritis made it hard to walk but did that stop her?  Nope, if she wanted something she would go after it with all her heart.  There is a lesson in that for all of us I think.

Farewell, our little Widdershins; you blessed our lives in so many ways.  We will miss our beautiful little girl. Thank you for taking such good care of Daddy and sharing your life with us.

We will always love you!

Fear and Faith

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I found that this weekend I was struggling here and there to get some rows on the shawl in and you know what?...the shawl is done.  We blocked it last night and I think it was gorgeous.  It was soft and airy and I'm glad I could help someone out who has given so much to me by just being my friend.

So how did I manage to get so much done in such a short time when my own projects seem to lag?  Did the equinox cause some flux in my knitting that created a hole in the time space continuum long enough for me to accelerate my knitting speed this weekend?  Well in a way, yes.

I knew that my deadline was Wednesday, and I knew how many rows I needed, plus a day of blocking, in order to achieve that goal.  I knew that I had to bring it with me and knit on it during the day and during movie watching in order to achieve this goal. I did what I could here and there...and here is the truth of it that is so simple, but so hard to see when you are looking at the entirety of the project...doing something on a project every day pushes it forward; doing nothing...does well, nothing.  There can be no growth without effort on my part.

So all those projects in the drawer down in my beautiful new Craft Room are not going to grow without my help.  They are like little acorns with all the potential in the world; but without the elements of air, fire, water and earth...they are still just acorns instead of mighty oaks.

This was one of the parts of our Mabon ritual last Sunday.  It was such a blessing to have a ritual again with my family out in nature.  It has really invigorated me and helped me to feel more balanced which, helps with my sense of flow.

We also celebrated the duality in things; sun / moon, hot / cold and so on.  We each drew a mask that touched on what ever aspect of duality we wanted to expand on and the above picture is my sister's creation.  Isn't it fabulous?  We all have our aspects of creativity that run in our veins and you know where mine lies...but my sister has always been so talented with drawing. The shirt she is wearing may look familiar...it is the Vixenpath logo she designed!

While she was wearing this mask it was hard to match the voice to the face and it really helped to drive home what you see on the outside doesn't really show you what is on the inside.  I have a friend who always says, "yes" to everything and last weekend she put her foot down.  She had taken on too much and she was at her breaking point and she didn't want to let anyone down but she was afraid that if she took on one more thing she would shatter into a million pieces.

When she said, "no" everyone didn't understand since this was not the usual mask she wore...the always helpful one that suffers in silence because that is the way it has always been mask. They tried to get her to change her mind but that was not going to happen.  She needed to take some time for herself or she would not be there for anyone else; even her Doctor had told her this.

I for one, was proud of her.  I have listened to her talk about how she couldn't handle it for years now.  But even I had to look again because the face telling me the story was not the one I was used to seeing.  Her face was radiant and the dark circles under her eyes were receding as the light emerged from within her.

We all wear masks.  One of mine is my confidence mask.  When I am doing something new I usually have a panic attack even when I don't want to.  I've tried very hard to hide this fact over the years and it is just in these last few months that I have opened up to people about it.  After I lost Mom I just fell apart and all those masks that have served me well over the ages just fell away.  I lost all my defenses and the inner and the outer bled together and this is the "real" me.

When I design a pattern; I try so hard to test it.  I usually test it three times myself and then I teach a class and test it again before I even think of putting it out there.  I have also been having my sister read through for grammatical errors as well as of late.  I am so afraid of doing something wrong and having someone have a bad experience through my patterns but you know what?...all designers feel this way.  They all have testers for this reason.  They all dread a mistake...but that is life.

I can either be like a project that is never worked on that sits in a drawer and never grows or I can be like the project that I bring everywhere and grows little by little.  The first rows you really can't tell what the project will be.  But as the piece grows the fabric takes shape and you start to become excited by the way the colors play in the light.

I choose to take the next step and claim a little more of my potential.  The fact that I am a designer is not a mask; it is a truth that permeates me.  As I take these next steps there is fear but that is okay because there is faith as well.  Without the fear, I couldn't claim the faith. Without the fear I wouldn't necessarily put the care I do into my patterns.  They are dual to my nature and both are necessary for my growth.

So I give you two new patterns:

The first is my journey into brioche, one and two color knitting.

The second is my journey into linen stitch and textures with color.

I learned so much creating these two patterns.  I have been blessed to be able to create two new patterns this year and teach them as well.  This has been a powerful journey; both patterns were created while I was in different stages of loss.  I was knitting on the Beginners Brioche the day I found out Mom wasn't going to be with us much longer.  You can read about the brioche here. Frederick my linen stitch shawlette / shawl was born from the love of my parents and a book that they used to read to me.  I wrote about it here.

Here are the patterns on Ravelry; you don't need to be a member to purchase / down load them.

Beginners Brioche which is free -  download now

Frederick, new pattern priced at $2.50 -  

These are both active links that will download or send you to Pay Pal.  If you would like to look at either of their pattern pages on Ravelry; here they both are.

Beginners brioche

Frederick

So, my life is bound in those stitches, in these offerings that I am putting up on Ravelry. There is both fear and faith but that is okay since it is in my nature.

May you have the blessings of an abundant harvest,

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen

:)

Today...I Saw a Blanket

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
By the Muppets 

I have a problem.  I saw this and fell head-over-teacups in love with it.  So what's the problem you say?

This...

I just spent the weekend organizing my yarn, work-in-progress (WIP) projects and designing projects.  I gathered yarn from all over the house and found a home for each skein, cake, ball and hank.  I was so happy to see it all together in my new room and I still am.

I realized how many things I have started and then abandoned for one reason or another.  I was flabbergasted at how many working projects I found hidden in bags or bins.  So how can I even be thinking about a blanket of all things?

But I am.  I am thinking of...the rainbows that I made with my sister in the hose in the Summer sun, the blues in the ocean tinged with green and how marvelous our family vacay was this year, the hues of fall and smelling cider mulling on the stove and fresh gingerbread baking in the oven, Kermit singing in a swamp and my Mom loving him for it, sitting by the fire with my Dad at the cabin when I was younger and the chakras and how wonderful this blanket would be to use in healing or balancing the energy centers in the body.

Yes, that is without a stretch, the way I think.  One glance at something and I can picture myself enjoying it: and all the reasons why I should buy it wrapped in pretty bows.

I know that these Knitpick kits go fast and I've missed out on quite a few of them for waiting.  So what do I do?

The obvious answer is to knit like the wind and finish things in my drawer of WIPS but that is not going to happen since this weekend I agreed to help a friend finish a 5' shawl in two weeks.  I have a foot done.  Her hands are bothering her and she should not be knitting and it is the least I can do.  But that means all my projects are on hold.

I am an Aries...I have these moments of must-start-something-new and it eats at me until I give in; which, if you look at my WIP and designing drawers you will see proof of this malady I have. But this blanket is so neat how it uses 10 yarns to form all the colors of the rainbow in this beautiful progression of hues flowing into one another.  I have been looking at these kind of patterns for a while now and hemming and hawing because it was a lot of yarn to buy.

But when would I have time to make it?  I mean really?  After I finish this shawl I need to go back to my sister's scarf and while we are on my sister...I need to work on her sweater.  I have Yule gifts from two years ago that I never finished.  The logical person in me...and there is one...is saying that I don't need to buy this kit.

But the little kid in me that will always think a rainbow is the most beautiful of nature's creations, is not ready to give up the dream.

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

Edited to add:  My friend that I am helping out by knitting the shawl for, has gotten the kit for me for Yule this year.  Problem solved!  I get to knit the beautiful rainbows after I have made a good dent on my WIPS!  Yay!  :)

The Fullness of Time

“No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

-- Source Unknown

I've had this dream for a while now of having a room for my yarn, patterns, books and everything knitting related.  When dreams come into being it is an amazing thing.  

It will take me a while to get it all organized in these bins but wow!  I can't believe how neat and orderly everything has become.  

My mind has been as cluttered as my yarn lately with moving everything into one room to do the floors.  But now as I start to weave spaces into my house as things are put in their places; I feel much freer...airier even.

It really is no surprise how much yarn I've accumulated over the years.  I never seem to have the right fiber for the project I am on so I had to buy more.  Really...

I'm feeling the itch to design something...but it hasn't gelled into an idea yet. Usually, I dream about a project and then it consumes me for a while.  I'm open and ready.  There is more space to let the ideas in and I love to create new things.

Lately, I've felt this shift within my being that allows the day to flow from one thing to the next in this harmonious way.  There actually seems to be more time to do things; when in fact it is my perception of time that has changed.  I think this happens when my stress dissipates.  it is such a rare occurrence that it seems strange to me.

But since Florida, it is strange to me to feel stressed.  Everything changed on vacation and I have not lost the serenity that apparently hopped into my carry-on and followed me home.

I used to laugh when I would ask spirit for a time frame and all I would hear was "in the fullness of time."  I know what that means now for time is full and fruitful and you can flow with it or fight it.  You can be thankful for the things you were able to do and allow the things that are not yet done to be for another day...or you can fret about all the would haves, should haves and if onlys.

It is almost like I found out this amazing secret that was all around me all these years but I am just seeing it for the first time with new eyes.

So I'm not just going to shove all my yarn onto shelving; I'm going to take time to savor it and maybe I'll remember some of the reasons I bought it in the first place.  Maybe it will take me back to a time that I spent with a special friend or a wonderful class.  

Instead of thinking about all the projects I haven't started...or finished...I will reminisce on the journey that I have taken and each project and skein will be used...in the fullness of time.

Not much to show you right now.  I'm still working on the Pointelle Scarf for my sister.  This has been a tough knit for me.  I originally was making one for my sister and one for me in the colors of spring and cherry blossoms.  My goal was to have them to wear through the tough times in Mom's illness.

Cherry trees used to line the streets of our childhood home and it would look like heaven for a while...it is a cherished memory for both of us.

But a week after I got the yarn, Mom passed away and then I was going to try and hurry and make them both for the funeral but I just couldn't knit.  I really wanted to but I kept making errors and ripping back and I finally just gave up.

I've knit this scarf on and off now for a while.  I'm back into the knitting groove again but I'm trying to keep with the flow of my day as well so the other little things get balanced in there.  My thought on this is it is better to do one repeat a day than to wait for time to knit.  If I do just one repeat a day then the scarf will grow by almost an 1" each day; that is 7 inches a week.  That means that if I can do a repeat each day I should have this done by the end of October at the earliest.  If I bring it to Knit Night, I can whip out a foot or so...if I'm not talking all night.  That will bring my day count down considerably.

My goal is to have both of them done by the time we take Mom's ashes to Hawaii.  Speaking of Hawaii: have I shown you the Guest Room yet?  I got these awesome prints and the whole room just radiates with calming vibes.  I still have to put the net over the drop ceiling and fill it with shells...but the light needs to be fixed...replaced? first.  I really adore this room.  I hope it blesses all who sleep there with that feeling I had in the middle of my vacation where I no longer felt stressed...at...all.

Happy Crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

What a Wonderful Event!

Yesterday I was honored to be a teacher at the Knitter's Day Out event in PA.  It was a really nice event with beautiful knitting from a myriad of local sellers.  I met such awesome people in my class and I am thankful to all of them.  It was such a joy watching all of their colorways knit up; everyone made a different vibrant fabric that was unique and beautiful in its own right.  Plus, I got to spend the day with my sister who I always am blessed to spend time with.  :)

The above sample is knit with something from my stash that I love the slow gradient on; when I finally unpack the living room I can tell you what it is.  I tried to make as many mistakes as I could to show what happens when you pull too tight in linen stitch, but the colors really are lovely, aren't they?

I will be getting my linen stitch pattern Frederick up in a few weeks.  I really like it and after seeing so many beautiful versions of it yesterday; I'd love to see what other lovely colorways are out there. 

Next week I should have more room pictures for you.  After a grueling 4 hours with my Container Store room planner, we have two room organizing systems on order, mine and my sons Lego room.  They even had Lego-themed sorting systems that will be so nice for him to use and we can finally have a place for the 3-foot ship he got earlier this year.  It is all so exciting but it really keeps you busy when you are redoing your house.  A very happy busy, but busy none-the-less.  :)

I hope you all are having a beautiful day!

Happy crafting!

Ruinwen

:)

Where Did the Summer Go?

“I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien

Everyone is different and my grieving experience is going to be totally different from yours.  This summer I tried to start celebrating life more and that's what I've been doing.

Here is Dad's Memorial flag, medals and patches.  I love this box so much.  It fit the flag perfectly, which is what it is supposed to do.  But it made me all kinds of happy.  :)

This year I did something that I have not done in six years, I left my home and went on a real vacation.  We toured Lego Land and then chillaxed at Ormond Beach in Florida and it was the best vacay ever!

Lego Land was indescribably amazing!  There were Lego critters hiding behind every bush, in trees and amid the flora and fauna.   The park was full of things to do and see and everyone found something to enjoy.  They even had allergen-free food fare so I was able to eat.  And the food was delish.  Fresh spit-turned chicken and zucchini and squash with potatoes all cooked in oil, not butter.  We took two days so the second day we could spend getting soaked in the water park which is separate from the main park.  Boy did I get wet...yep totally drenched.  But it was a welcome thing to be wet in the hot Florida sun so I didn't complain.  I had put my entire purse into plastic bags so everything was safe even when I went in the wave pool.  There were places to build and play.  It is built on top of the old Cypress Gardens so the gardens are still there and they are just lovely.  There is an old banyan tree which has the most beautiful energy surrounding it.  Lego Land had something for everyone and we all came away tired but extremely happy.

Next was relaxing at Ormond Beach where we stayed at the almost tropical resort The Lotus Boutique.  This hotel was just beautiful.  Our room faced the ocean and was steps away from the hot tub, fire-pit, cabanas, and pool area.  We stayed there for 8 days and I was so relaxed by Wednesday that my stress all started to melt away.

I confided in my sister about my terrible panic attacks and other things that I was afraid that she would think less of me for and you know what?  Since I have the best sister in the world she loved me all the more for opening up to her and letting her know so she can understand me better during those times I'm making no sense.  Love my siiiiiiister!  :)

It's always ourselves that we find at the sea.  E. E. Cummings

I dragged knitting and stuff across the US to do when I came here and relaxed.  But in relaxing I realized that I wanted to be with my family and nature and enjoy the ocean.  I love the ocean, I always have.  But this trip was different.  Maybe my eyes were open in a way they haven't been before but I felt at one with nature.  The ghost crabs scuttled along the shoreline if one knew where to look; I could have watched them for hours for no reason at all.  A dolphin swam along the sandbar scooping up fish right new to the shore.  Those fish were a silver ribbon as they danced around us in the water.  Pelicans flew in formation and then dove for fish right by us as we bobbed up and down in the surf.  The sea was alive and it spilled into me and refreshed me in a way that nothing else could have.

It was such a glorious vacation but all things must end and when we got back we had a super surprise waiting for us.  My BIL and his kids who have been there for around eight years had moved out.  I was so happy that we could provide the stepping stone that he needed to get his life back on track but it was glorious to have our house back too.  :)

A lot of time has been focused on the house.  We had it painted in color.  My husband and I love color and we picked our hues very carefully for meaning and feeling.  If we had our way there would be no white, no cream, no ecru anywhere in the house.  So getting the entire Basement painted with all the hallways and rooms was such a huge blessing for us.  Next came the floors.  The Basement still had carpet and carpet, in my opinion, is much harder to clean than hardwood. We all have allergies and if we had our way the whole house would be hardwood.  

I love my new Basement!  The Guest Room is a reflection of the ocean and has pictures of Hawaii on the aqua walls.  Eventually, it will have a net over the drop ceiling filled with shells and starfish.  I even got a porthole cling that looks out on an oasis.  This means that my sister can have a safe and dark place to sleep when she comes over and I won't end up on the couch!  Yay!  It also means that my Nana and Pop Pop have a room to stay in as well when they come to visit.  We still need to get a futon or something so they both can come; but hey, this is a work in progress.  

My son is creating a Lego room.  This means all the Legos that are bursting out of his room now have a home.  I know that all of us are happy about that!  Hopefully, this will also allow him a place to film his stop-motion videos that he has been wanting to create.  It will be great to get all of his Legos in one place and I think a bit scary to see how much he actually owns.

Note: this is not all my yarn; this is not even a fourth of my yarn.  lol
But speaking of scary...all my yarn in one room.  Eeek!  I am so happy I will have a Knitting room to store and create in.  I have been gathering skeins, and balls, hanks and cakes from all over the house to be lovingly placed on the easy-hang we will buy this weekend.  I really want to organize everything as I go so that I don't loose stuff.  I need to update my Ravelry stash page since everything is moving too...that will take time.   But it is all happy time and the work makes me smile.  

Everything really has been making me smile.  Having a place for pans or organizing shelves.  Finding something I haven't seen in a while.  It all make me smile.  I love the floors and walls and the other day we had friends over in our Basement and played Catan and it was the happiest moment since in the past just walking in our Basement was an accomplishment.

I think it will take a year to clean up everything...let's not talk about Mom and Dad's stuff in the Garage...but it is a happy thing to make space and let the house breathe again.  :)

I have been knitting but it has been mostly on prayer shawls and this is really all I have to show for all that knitting.  The recipients of the shawls have all loved them though and that is what is really important.

Next week is Knitter's Day Out and I am excited and scared all rolled into one.  My wonderful sister is going with me for moral support and I am so thankful for that.  I know my stuff...I just need to get over these inconvenient fears that crop up.  But when I talk to teachers we all have them because it is a human thing.  So c'est le vie and all that.  I am blessed to have this opportunity to teach and I am honored to be there with such great knitters and teachers.  

So I don't have a bunch of summer knitting or projects to show but I am relaxed and happy and blessed in so many ways that it seems a great trade off.

Have a Happy and Safe Labor Day!
Ruinwen
:)

Finding Focus Again

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."
-- Nikos Kazantzakis

I have spent the last week trying to put the focus back into my life.  I did not imagine it would be so hard, yet each little thing I can complete feels like a major hurdle and each thing I cannot seem to get done is as it should be.  Baby steps still bring you towards a goal and that gives me a reason to celebrate.

I started taking grape essence this week and I have already noticed a difference.  I have always responded positively to essences and I can't believe I didn't think about taking them until now. But c'est le vie.

I decided to start small by working on the Pointelle scarf from Moorehouse.  I love their yarn it is so sproingy.  I am making this scarf for my sister and then another for myself.  It was supposed to be an easy project, but it has taken me much longer then I thought possible.  I keep mixing up the rows and have spent more time tinking then knitting at this point.

Sometimes it is like that.  But that is okay.  I finally was able to get in a groove at knitting tonight and realized if I just "read" my knitting then I would know where I was.  Duh, right?  I'm always repeating that mantra "read your knitting" in my classes and then I go and forget the basics.  I am just not myself and that is just the way it is.

I accept that and I move forward slowly.  Moving slowly is still moving and that is all that matters. This project is going to be blocked from 55" to 74"; I can't wait to see what comes of that!  And my biggest obstacle is finding the other ball.  May the Gods be kind and help me to remember where I stashed it away for safekeeping.  lol

I love this green that is so fresh and full of life.  I like the look of it on the pavers; it reminds me of lichen or some moss that thrives in this wet climate we've had as of late.  My sister loves greens so I am hoping this will be a delightful little scarf that she can wear when it is just a bit cool.  For myself, I chose the peach color since it reminds me of the cherry blossoms in the spring.  When we wear them together she will be the leaves and I will be the flowers and since cherry blossoms are a cherished memory from our youth; this will be such a special set of scarves.

I wish you all a safe and Happy Fourth of July as our nation celebrates another birthday!  

Ruinwen

:)

Meh

I feel much like this poor snow shovel in our front bed; stuck, mired by forces that are holding me back and I can't seem to break free of them.  All I can seem to muster is a whole lot of "meh" and I don't know why.  Every day I look at my knitting and want to knit and every day I find a reason not to pick it up.  But there is a part of me that needs to pick it up, and still, I just can't seem to find the power to do so.

Apparently, for some, this is part of the grieving process and is perfectly normal as long as it lessens as the months go by.  All the questions they asked me which would determine if I am struggling with issues I can't conquer, I passed.

I am sleeping.  I am eating.  I am going to work and doing as much as I ever did before.  I talk to my son every night while he is away and cuddle with my husband as much as possible.  I wash my clothes and dishes and continue to eat as healthy as I can.  I still take time once a week to allow time for spirit and to talk to Mom and Dad.  I pet and love my cats and enjoy the company of my friends.

I don't know what this major quagmire is that is holding me bound and how to honor it or fight it or whatever.  Is my inaction an action that is necessary for my healing?   The Japanese use the term arugamama for the state of accepting things as they "are".  They counsel instead of worrying about this state of "meh", to just ride the waves of emotion and put my energies into the things they do want to flow into.  By not "feeding" the "meh" emotion it will subside on its own and soon I will be happy to pick up my needles again without hesitation.  This is the theory anyway.

In truth, this has happened to me before and loss was not involved.  I just put down my needles for three months and had no interest in picking them up.  I never really found out why; I just did it and moved on and then one day I picked them up and I really haven't stopped knitting, until two weeks ago when it became hard to pick up my needles again.

I find it strange when there are things I need to knit...want to knit...long to knit and I'm just not...knitting.  I'm not mad at myself or berating myself for this lack of inertia.  I am just being and living and doing other things for the moment.  My needles will be patient as they always are.  If knitting were not a pursuit of patience then all my WIPs would get up and walk away for lack of interest.  Thankfully this is not the case or I would be out a lot of beautiful projects.

I have found in my many years of knitting, that it is a healer of body, mind and soul.  There is more than just a fabric that is being woven as one knits.  The calming click of the sound of needles following a rhythmic dance can soothe the soul.  Knitting can be savored; each stitch a benediction of color and texture or it can be rushed as prayers who are rote and memorized and whose meaning has been forgotten in the repetition.

One can be serious about their knitting and aim for a near-perfect project (perfection can only be achieved by the Gods) or one can just be content with what they have done and know that their knitting will not judge them.  Knitting is loyal that way.  One can come home after a long day and pick up their needles and it is just like the last time.  The needles will warm to their hands in a welcoming way and there is a simple unspoken gratification in that.

The only rule in knitting is to follow your own path.  If you choose to knit your stitches through the back; then do so and love the resulting fabric.  Whatever is your truth; embrace it.  Look at Cat Bordhi, she knits everything her way and loves every minute of it.  Some of the ideas that come out of her brain are so amazing  I wonder how she thought of them.

The world is full of amazing knitters; some that I am blessed to call friends.  While many times you may knit alone know that each stitch connects you to a greater community of wonderful people who all share your love of this craft.  One look on Ravelry (a social site for knitters) and you can see that you are not alone; the world is full of knitters.

In the old days, women had their sewing circles where they would commune and gather and talk and craft.  They knew that being part of a community was important to their health and well being and that truth is still relevant today.  Most people are social creatures and need interaction with others to round out their mental well being.  The group I go to is full of women who I call sister; people who I share secrets, devastating losses and radiant joys with.  I love my group; my extended fiber family.  Each week we craft and share our lives and it feels somehow...right.

I know this hiatus is temporary, for I know that knitting is too big a part of my life to ever stop.  I have created a tapestry which reaches back through time and honors my ancestors, I have reached into the present and created a family made of fiber and friendships and I have most importunately delved into myself and found something that resonates with every (excuse the pun) fiber of my being.   I am a knitter and that is the simplest truth.

The feeling of "meh" will pass with time and my fingers will find needles in them soon enough.  For now, I will honor this time, for whatever reason it is necessary, and I will accept it as the way things are.

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)

Acceptance

One of my favorite designers for children's knit-wear is Pixie Purls.  I have watched her grow as a knitter through her blog and I love her patterns.  They are well written and presented in a lovely format; not to mention they are usually graced by her adorable kids! 

When my son said his teacher was having a baby I reached for one of my favorite gift items Country Kiddie. This is a quick knit that is just adorable.  I made this up in a few days and since most of it is knit, it makes a lovely travel project that you don't have to worry about where you are in the pattern.

The yarn I used was Simplicity by Hikoo.  I love the way the colors flow in this yarn.  The top part is #511 Woody Turquoise and the bottom is #512 Still Waters.  The feel of this yarn is really nice and it holds stitch definition really well.  The colors are vivid and bright and slowly meld into each other so there are no jagged stripe lines.  Plus, this is a super-wash blend which, is perfect for infant wear IMHO.  I needed two balls and I didn't have matching color-ways so I blended the blues and greens and hoped for the best.  I adore the result; that bright blue is in both color-ways and it really ties them together.  This is a cute top-down summer top that can provide a layer of warmth or just add spice to any babies wardrobe.

It was nice to finish something.  I feel like I'm all over the place with everything and I just can't get focused.  I think this is what grieving feels like.  When Dad died there was Mom to take care of and I focused all my energy into that.  I took care of the bills, appointments and paperwork that some days reduced me to tears.  Every time I wrote a check this feeling of losing Dad hit me and I cried...every time.  I fielded calls and made decisions that hopefully were in Mom's best interest.  Goodness knows I tried to make sure her needs were met and mostly that she knew that we were there and loved her very much.

Now the job is done and the woman I was caring for is gone and that is hitting me hard.  With this back-lash of emotion is more grief over Dad being gone as well.  I'm ordering a flag holder...I have been saying this since I was given the flag at his funeral.  I finally found one I liked that I can put his fruit salad (medals) below the flag and it will be really nice.

That's how my mind is working...no real focus on any one thing.  Sometimes I have to talk myself into things.  I was putting away clothes the other day when I saw the flag sitting there and looked at the wall with all my family and I just became so tired; I had to remind myself that doing the laundry blesses the family, which, blesses me in turn.

At my core, I believe that I am blessed.  When I was pretty young I cut out a saying and put it on our fridge at home, "Be happy you have a house to do chores around."

We once sponsored a child who was happy to have a tin roof.  She felt like royalty because all the animals could stay dry with her family during the rainy season.  A tsunami destroyed her village; thank the Goddess she survived.  All she had was the clothes on her back.  The tsunami had come so quickly and there were no alerts where she lived to tell her to evacuate.

I think about these things when I fold my clothes because we are all connected.  I have outfits for every day of the week and then some and others have one outfit to their name.  This doesn't make me better than anyone or richer or whatever status label the media might want to give me.  It does make me feel blessed to have choices and colors and different textures to wear.

I know that I am blessed in so many ways.  When you flip that coin there is a great gaping hole in me that makes it hard to focus on the good because all I can feel is the loss.  Hospice kept calling me and wanted me to come in for counseling; and I finally talked to someone.  I'm not really sure why, but I thought it couldn't hurt.  If you look at things Mom hasn't even been gone for two months so I think I'm doing really well with the whole grieving thing.

My counselor told me that I really haven't grieved which, I guess this post kinda sums up in a way.  He told me to take time to grieve, to cry and let all that stuff that I keep in me out and take time to live and celebrate life...like a vacation.  So, I am doing both as well as making another appointment to talk to him again.

On Wednesday, my spiritual bath night, I took time to sit with Mom and Dad and talk to them and without me really trying the tears started to fall and I cried for a while.  I know that grieving is different for everyone, but these tears felt different than the "missing you" tears that I shed during the funeral weeks.

I'm going to try and do this each week and I guess I will know when I am done when the tears stop falling.  But I think I will make a weekly check-in with my parents as a new kind of ritual.  After I do my weekly reading I will just sit and talk with them for a while.

I talk to them all the time about everything.  But maybe with a purpose behind it, this can be something bigger?  I don't know.  I'm just trying to make sense of my feelings, which is not so easy right now.

And while I have moments of inertia where I just want to do nothing; that is pretty normal for me.  If you look at my WIPs and list of patterns I want to finish...they are quite extensive...but life keeps getting in the way and then there is a new class that needs prep for or a deadline I have to meet.  So, I'm not beating myself up about anything.  Everything always gets done in the fullness of time if it is meant to be.

But the vacation is booked and that is a load off.  Thank you to my wonderful friend who helped me through this maze of hotels...rental cars...amusement parks...oceans and airlines.  You really gave me a beautiful gift when I needed it most.  Hugs!

So at the beginning of the week I was scattered and tearful but now the skies are the ones with tears and I feel cleansed and ready to focus on my life again.  I have a bit of catching up to do but I'm the daughter of a Mother who sewed her dress on the way to her wedding,  so you know that I can do something as simple as knock out a pattern and a few WIPS.  :)

Love to you all,
May your days be full of happy moments,
Ruinwen
:)

Knitting Cruise

Forgive my shameless plug for my cruise; but I'm really excited and it will be a very thorough class on learning about lace.

Some points we will cover:

In this class the student will explore lace construction.  We will:

• break down a pattern and examine the results from different elements of design: decreases, increases, bias and negative and positive space
• learn about the different tools that are used in lace creation and why they are important
• learn why natural fibers are the best yarns to use for lace and how to block them so their projects will bloom
• look at samples of lace and swatches to create a better understanding of lace and how it works
• learn casting on and binding off techniques
• learn how to fix mistakes and read knitting
• look at different ways that lace shawls can be knit
• create a lace shawlette using all the above knowledge
• empower the knitter to feel comfortable exploring the world of lace

Join me in the Summer of 2014 on the Royal Caribbean's Oasis of the Seas for 7 nights in the Western Caribbean in exotic ports of call.  Book early for great rates; instruction, yarn, needles and pattern are included.

If you are interested; please contact Donna.  She is the masterful travel agent behind this voyage and a very good friend of mine.  She will take good care of you.  See you there!

contact-Donna 866-418-8163
dshapiro.cruiseone.com
or e-mail-dshapiro@cruiseone.com

Sunday's post will run as usual.  Thank you for your indulgence.
Ruinwen
:)