I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

Nature carpets the land with hues of Fall

A piece of paper fell off my shelf today.  It says, “I need to create a self ritual the will allow the self to feel a shift.”

I’ve done that.  Everything in my life has shifted and I am so thankful to the PTB.

But even though I am grateful, and so blessed I feel this nagging deep in my soul at the things that I have left undone.

When we last spoke I was cleaning out the basement and I made some real progress before stopping.

And I had good reasons but I still feel this sense of shame and guilt that I can’t shake.

I have also felt bad about not blogging.  Each week I would work on things that I couldn't share with you all yet.  And that is what I am focusing on so there would be nothing to say.  And I didn't just want to blab about something to fill space because this blog has never been about that.

So, I just didn't post and it bothered me.  But I was doing stuff and things were going on...really.

Starting off the yarn was late for my submission.  So when I got it I had to drop everything to knit which took most of my time for two weeks.  At the same time, I had to finish writing the pattern based on my observations in my knitting.  I had to learn the way that the magazine writes patterns and everyone was amazing during the process.  I am so thankful for everyone at TKGA for their support and kindness with my first submission.  

As the deadline for the submission was looming.  We had our pest company come in and redo the insulation in the attic.  They think that is where the mice were coming in.  So at least I worked towards keeping the mice out of my yarn room from a certain point of view.

Right after I sent off my submission I started getting ready for KDO and two days after submitting my sis and I were off to PA.  Our classes were great and we had a lot of fun.  I am so thankful for KDO having me back again as a teacher.  I really love everything about that event.  Everyone is amazing and so friendly.

I got back from the event with an idea that I couldn’t shake so I started working on charts as I ordered yarn and when the yarn showed up I was ready to knit.  I am super excited about pitching this class in the spring.  I am ultra proud of myself; I will have the pattern and the examples done by the time the sign-up comes around.

I am doing two different options for KDO and right now I am waiting for the new yarn to get here.  While I am waiting I am working on my spring submission for TKGA…forgot to mention I had an idea and am waiting for the committee to say yay or nay.  But, I need to flesh out my idea so I have been working on that too.

So, I have been working consistently, every single day on some aspect of my designer goals.

I should not be upset with myself for not finishing the basement because I was doing my job.  But I am.  So that is where I am at.

In Hawaii, there is a word Ho’oponopono.  It means to rectify or make right an error.  Traditionally, it would involve the whole family coming together to heal from being wronged.  The whole family would be present for the healing process where the family member could ask for forgiveness from each person and the wrong could be mended.

Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona a Hawaiian Kahuna recognized that this process would be helpful on the individual level and modified the original ritual to focus on the self.

“We are the sum total of our experiences, which is to say that we are burdened by our pasts. When we experience stress or fear in our lives, if we would look carefully, we would find that the cause is actually a memory. It is the emotions which are tied to these memories which affect us now. The subconscious associates an action or person in the present with something that happened in the past. When this occurs, emotions are activated and stress is produced.”
Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona

The process of Ho’oponopono has four phrases that can be repeated in any order.

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

When you say these words like a mantra you reconnect to your inner Divine light.  This mantra will slowly open up the part of you that is holding on to the past with negative intent.  Like an onion peeling back layer upon layer the negative connection you have to the past will dissolve as you learn to forgive yourself.

I am going to say this until I don’t feel bad about the basement project and the mulch and all the things that I have put off to work on my dream.

There are so many things that I did accomplish and I should be really proud and focusing on those things.

• I have been keeping to my schedule and I either knit or work on patterns each day.  Most days I focus 6 - 8 hours on my designing.
• I clean some aspect each day and afterward strive to keep it cleaned.
• Laundry is a given.  It is kept up with and put away when dry.
• I have walked my steps every day since July.  DH and I are walking three days a week as well.
• I have kept to my calories since July.  
• I journal every day and honor my creative voice.  
• I cook every day and keep the kitchen clean.
• I am trying new things.  
• But most of all, I have learned to believe in myself and my talents.  I keep taking risks and putting myself out there and then following through.  It has been an amazing journey so far and I am really proud of myself.

So self.

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen

Reflections

I took this photo from our room in the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in DC.  My DH is having his annual company shindig and we are staying the lap of luxury.  We are having a blast and the food is wonderful; they have a gluten-free menu and I've really enjoyed trying some new things.

I usually find all these things that I want to change when coming to a wonderful hotel like this.  In truth, it was the Mandarin three years ago that helped us to solidify what kind of shower setup we wanted. Last year I fell in love with the bed we had because it was soft and I fell into it like a cloud, which in turn helped us to look outside of the box for a new bed.

But this year we have a new bathroom and I really appreciate the ADA height in our toilet...especially in the middle of the night.  Our bed is a thing of absolute relaxation built to our specific needs.  The thing is while this hotel is amazing and we have this beautiful suite and you could live in our bathroom...but I love my house more.  I appreciate the way we built it together and every time I look at our countertop I remember that my son picked it out.  I love the way my house feels like a home again and how very thankful and blessed I truly am.

Life is really what you decide it is.  Each day you make a choice of how you are going to see the moments that string together.

Tonight I will dress like a princess but in truth, I can feel like that in jeans and a warm sweater.  I feel special every day because of the people that I am blessed to have in my life, the talents I am blessed with and all the amazingness that life has to offer.

My son said to me the other day that he didn't know what to ask for when people asked him what he wanted for Yule because he is really blessed.  He has everything he wants.  He then gave me a big hug and talked about getting gifts for poor kids that don't have a way to afford gifts for the holidays.

There was a story they told in church about the pastor wanting the community to collect money for a needy family for the holidays.  This one family sat down and even though they lived paycheck to paycheck, they worked out how each of them could make a little money by doing chores for others. The family agreed that the father and mother could work a little overtime and the kids would help around the house.  I don't remember all the particulars but all the family even the little ones collected money by doing various things.  In their heart was the idea of helping someone else and how beautiful it would be for a family in need to be able to have a good holiday season this year.

The family was so proud that they were able to do this wonderful thing for another.  They all had to work a little harder than usual but they proudly offered the money to the pastor and he looked at them quizzically.  "We were collecting for you," he said softly, "We know that you wear the same outfit on Sunday and are just making ends meet."

The family was confused.  "Money is a necessary thing, yes," the father explained to the pastor, "But we have good jobs and our children go to school.  Right now they may not have a lot but we have each other and in that we are richer then most."

The pastor got tears in his eyes at the generous and beautiful heart of this family.  He saw that they were living the words of God in every moment of their lives.  What he had seen was lack had been through his understanding of the word; but in reality this family was blessed and prosperous beyond measure.

From our family to yours, may the blessings of the season bring you joy, prosperity, love and light,

Ruinwen
:)

Finding Balance

Here is another shot in my diamond world Shiny.  I couldn't decide on the title for this post: Fire and Ice or Temperance.  Having diamonds in abundance makes so many things easier like weapons or armor are no big deal.  I could build a house of the things and probably will at some point...just because I can.

But Lapis, for example, is so rare, I have only found 23 of them so far.  So if I want to enchant all that beautiful diamond stuff, then I need to find some more.  Redstone is really hard to find as well. I've traded my diamonds for everything else.

This was just an experiment to play with the sliders and stuff but in reality, I have offset the whole natural order of Minecraft.  Changing things up can be fun but there is always a price to the delicate balance that runs through the Universe.

I've been trying to change things up in my life as well.  My symbolic "diamonds" have taken over a bit and I'm trying once again to balance work, career, knitting, being a wife, being a good friend, housework, bills, being a good mother, taking care of myself and my gaming.

This cold snap has sapped my energy.  And when I say cold...I mean there was ice on the ground the other day.  Fall was here and then, it suddenly was not.  The shift was abrupt and none of us were ready for our Winter to begin...now.

Winter is the time when I take and clean out my stores and look within.  That is why there is this big holiday in the middle of it...so people remember to find the light in themselves and others.  For many, the loss of actual light causes depression and despondency.  I'm someone who gets up with the light so I really dislike getting up in the dark and going to work.  My body rebels instead of greeting the day...I just kind of stumble into it...and I just hate being cold.

So sometimes I find it really hard to greet the day with joy in my heart at this time of year.  But the Goddess is on top of things and for the twinge in my back, I now have heated seats.  For my morning blur, my DH makes me a hot breakfast with coffee to boot...I love that man more each day.
(insert heart here).  When I feel the darkness downers, my son is there to give me a hug and that my friends is the greatest blessing of all.  When you have a loving family and wonderful friends imagining joy is not a struggle at all.  I just think of my happy thought and soon I am soaring through my day.

So as the days get shorter and colder I am reminded that I indeed have a wonderful life and am so blessed.

This year we are attempting a full gluten-free, dairy-free and citrus free Thanksgiving.  The BBQ joint in town is smoking our turkey for us...my mouth is watering just thinking about it.  We are making all our traditional dishes with a twist and I'm even attempting pumpkin pie.  I'm hoping it all tastes close to what we remembered.

We made the gluten-free stuffing and gravy last year and you couldn't tell that it was GF.  Everything was really good and everyone liked it.  So I am hoping to add the other dishes back to our holiday that are harder without dairy to make.  I'll let you know how it works out.

But it's not the food that is the big thing...it is the family around the table.  And even though some are missing, and some are in heaven...they are all here and a part of our lives.  They are all special gifts that we are blessed to have in our lives.

So, from our family to yours...have a safe and beautiful Thanksgiving with those that are precious to you,

Hugs!
Ruinwen
:)

Iris

So this week I had something really scary happen.  I had a Posterior Vitreous Detachment in my eye. Suddenly there is a little gal that looks like a black iridescent worm dancing around my vision. The above picture was the closest I could come to what she looks like.  Mine looks more like a circle that has a bulbous head (probably where it was attached to my retina before it came loose) that is an opaque black color.

Mom had all kinds of eye troubles so I headed into the ophthalmologist right away.  After a long look into my eye with bright lights, the Doc determined that it is just a floater and no harm to the retina was done.

Praise the Goddess!  I can deal with this little gal floating around my vision if nothing else is wrong. Sure if I focus on the little worm then I can get quite agitated and having my vision blur out is a learning curve but they are both things I can deal with.

I told the Doctor that as long as I just have the floaters and flashers then I will give her a name and make her my best friend because we will be together for a long time.  I decided to call her Iris.  Yes, there is a bit of a pun in that name; but laughter is good for the soul.  Iris is also the Goddess of rainbows and I love rainbows and colors and such; so I think it is a fitting name.

I've read a lot about people getting quite anxious about having floaters as they are always in your face.  I was worried about it being worse then it was, but I don't feel anxious anymore.  I keep brushing away bugs that aren't there out of reflex and I find that when I write a curly little a seems to pop up and that is a little weird but my brain will adapt.

Bifocals were hard in the beginning but now I don't notice that line where it seemed like the world was bubbling up at all.  This too will become a part of me and then I won't notice it so much either.

Of course, the minute I got back from the eye doctor with my eyes all dilated I tried knitting a row. When I look at my knitting the floater hangs out on the right side of my eye and I barely notice it at all.  What a blessing!

This week in the US we count our blessings.  We take a moment to look deeply into our lives and see those things that we are so thankful for that maybe we take for granted the rest of the year.

The simple truth of the matter is that I am blessed.  I have an awesome family, wonderful friends, a job that I love and a career that brings me joy.

This is the first Thanksgiving without Mom and Dad and though we will always miss them; they will always be a part of us.  I am so thankful for the time with them, for the memories that will always be mine to treasure and proud that the Universe chose me to be one of their daughters.

As we spend our first year without our little Widdershins the same feelings lie in my heart.  I miss her but I have such wonderful memories of how she took care of my hubby and our family.  I know she asked the Universe to bring us Frost and he has brought mirth into our home.  He is truly a treasure. And my love-muffin Shadow has become his best friend.

So many blessings...I choose to focus on them instead of some of the little things that are out of place at the moment.  Every day you make a choice how to live, how to face the world...and I choose happiness over any worry or stress.  I choose to embrace my family and friends.  If I need help I will ask and not take the entire world on my shoulders.  I have unpacked my metaphorical knapsack that I carry that was filled with worry and strife and I have worked really hard to let each negative idea go that serves no purpose in my life.  For the things that remain that I still need to work on, I am thankful that I am learning and growing and striving to become closer to my soul's ideal.

Bright Blessings to all,
Ruinwen
:)

Erin Go Bragh!

May the blessings of the green isle and the "good neighbors" be yours today.
*hugs*
:)

Just Breathe

Breath is the link between the inner and outer worlds.

- Alice Christensen

You know how when you start something there is sometimes that moment in which you inwardly shriek in terror at the Herculean task you have accepted? At the moment of inception, there is such a great doubt that you can ever complete such a monumental undertaking?

I must say when we started cleaning Dad’s house a year and a half ago, I really didn’t think that this day would ever come. I tried to imagine it and stay true to the plan but in my head, I had my doubts.

Last week we used our vacation to clean the house and move my Father to the same assisted living as my Mother. This gigantic task could not have been completed without the support and strong muscles of my soul mate and best friend. DH has been a miracle to me throughout this entire process…as he always is. I am very blessed.

My sister who has been through the whole process, mourned with me and Dad as we moved him out of his home. Sis was amazing at helping us do what needed to be done and being able to fill in the gaps as we went. She helped set up Dad at AL when I was too tired to move and helped make the move a smooth one. The God and Goddess have blessed me by giving me such a wonderful sister.

I was also incredibly blessed that my BF and her whole family (much to their dismay) helped us most of the week. Without her, I’m sure Dad would have never made it up here. She used her first week of summer vacation to help me move…there is no greater love than that.

My nephew also lent us a hand and made a huge difference to the time in which it took to get the truck loaded on the last day. My knitting friend came to help us when we were ready to drop and she made unloading go so much easier that we all got a second wind and could finish the job.

Nana and Pop Pop watched my son for the week and that too was a blessing since we basically left in the morning and crawled into bed each night exhausted. It was nice to know he was having fun with the people he loves.

Another knitting friend covered for me on our square project. She updated and answered e-mails and that really meant so much to me.

My support system is awesome. I am so blessed! When I needed help, everyone was there. And I can never thank you all enough. From the nice lady at Starbucks who saves me almond toffee nut bars to the nice lady learning to make drinks that poured me my mudslide on Friday night…and everyone in between…May the God and Goddess bless you all.

Having good friends is like having oxygen suddenly when you were struggling to breathe a moment before. It lightens your soul and somehow makes it all easier to bear.

I went to visit Dad and he wasn’t there so I tried again yesterday and caught him before he went out again. It was such a joy to see him so happy. As much as I know he misses the house and his old life, I can see that he is settling into this one. He has new people to tell his stories and show his pictures. There are many Vets there so he feels right at home. He is with his “beautiful girl” (that’s what he has been calling Mom the past few days) again and the loneliness of being apart from her is gone from him.

You know that commercial with the lines like…one moving truck for 4 days…one 10 foot dumpster…a year and a half of toting stuff back to our home. Dad smiling in his new room...PRICELESS. To see Dad happy makes the aches go away and it all falls into place. I am so happy and thankful…and blessed.

Last week is a blur…but I’m slowly cleaning up and finding where I was. I haven’t really been crafting much. But that is okay.

For now I’m just going to take the time to breathe and reconnect.

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)

Bittersweet

Chaos results when the world changes faster than people.

-Anon

I have so many emotions running through me at this moment that I feel adrift in a sea of confliction. I have been trying as of late, to keep the chaos swirling around me instead of through me. It seems I’m failing.

The doing for everyone is easy. I can organize, clean, plan and scheme. It is the deep intense feeling that is causing my routines to skip a beat here and there; thus throwing off the order in my universe.

I really don’t know what to do about it except change faster than the flux around me. There is no way to do that with all my tendrils of emotion being dragged and scattered on the four winds. Lately, I feel less than whole and I just don’t know how to repair me.

On one hand, I have the most wonderful friends who threw me a super birthday and I could gush about it seven ways to Sunday because it was that good. All my friends…virtual or otherwise…rock. I’m blessed to have you all in my life. And I’m sorry that I’ve been ignoring blogs and such. I’ve barely been keeping up with e-mail but I’ve gleaned enough love to know that you all have sent well wishes and prayers and they all mean so much. I am thankful for each and every one of you. :)

Then there is the other hand...the one that I usually can put to the back of my head for a time and smile and be the Ruinwen you know. At the beginning of this blog, I just posted projects and knitting and then I got to know you and you encouraged me to let more and more of myself show. I found a place I could talk, vent, examine, pose questions or just share what was on my mind…and it gave me a great joy to do so.

But lately, I find little time for crafting…though I squeeze every ounce of time out of my Friday night at Starbucks with the girls. The things that balanced me and kept me sane seem so few and far between. I hate that when I come to this blog I sound so needy…so lost. It is not a me that I’m used to dealing with and I still reread these words and wonder who this person is that I’m becoming?

Can I be this rock that everyone thinks I am? Even rocks will erode with enough elements beating against them. How can one stay strong for everyone and yet whole for themselves?

Until I find out the answers to those questions I’m just muddling through the best that I can.

Obsidian has cancer as we suspected and the vet has no idea how much longer he will be with us. Right now the mass cells have not invaded his organs and you wouldn’t know from his constant demands that there is anything wrong with him. We are spoiling and loving him as much as possible and will continue to do so until the very end.

This was my Mother’s last holiday at home. She can’t make it up the steps anymore. She won’t walk or do anything to strengthen her body and now it is ceasing to work for her. With her short term memory gone life is very frustrating for her and she is terribly unhappy. She keeps telling me that she lived too long. It breaks my heart.

Dad confided in me that he no longer cares about getting up and getting dressed in the morning. I can see the depression settling in and a familiar pattern taking place but seem helpless to stop it. On the one hand, he wants us to clean the house and the other it is killing him to see everything disappear. There is no happy middle ground. He wants to be with Mom but not in AL. He hasn’t made appointments for the doctor and is just letting it all go.

I realized this weekend that my role was going to increase as I know that I need to step in and take over this whole thing with Dad. He needs to get out of that house and be in a place where people can help him…he needs to be with Mom. I need to make this happen. So I took off a week (my only vacation) and DH and I will clean with Sis and possibly a few friends. I will get a truck and get everything out of there that needs to go. I will make sure the house is empty if that is what it takes so that Dad will come up here.

I don’t know if I told you about my son. He is having trouble keeping up in school and DH and I have been working with him as much as possible in the afternoons on everything from Math (which I am terrible at), Science and English. We have all been working very hard to bring him back up to grade level or beyond. And I feel that it is finally paying off. He has only missed one word on his spelling in the past six weeks now. He is reading better and can identify more words. It is a joy to see his confidence climb and all this hard work is so worth it.

Another change to our household is my BIL finally got his divorce and will keep sole custody of the kids. My ex-SIL gets them every other weekend and Tuesday nights for dinner and a bunch of holidays and things. Where as this is the normal progression for a separated family. These are the first visits unsupervised and it has us all a little leery.

At the same time it gives my BIL some time to do things that need to be done. He is such an amazing Dad but everybody needs some down time and he gets so little of that. This will be the first weekend without them in so long I know it will be a hard one for him. He is all about his kids. The whole thing is very bittersweet.

So that is the long and short of what is going on. Thank you for wrapping me in your thoughts and sending prayers…everything you do or say means so much to me. Again, I apologize for not being on the computer so much. I feel horrible about it but I’m doing the best I can.

All my love and light,

Ruinwen
:)

Choices

Just because we increase the speed of information doesn't mean we can increase the speed of decisions. Pondering, reflecting and ruminating are undervalued skills in our culture.

-- Dale Dauten

Chances are if you read this then you are computer literate. You may be downloading a pattern, while IMing a friend, during which you are uploading pictures to your favorite site and at the same time you are stopping here to read my blog. *waves, “Hi”*

Computers are wonderful tools when they work and they create a terrible void when they don’t. Luckily they are good multitaskers since they generate the need to be in more than one place at once.

When you click with your mouse each press of the button is a choice. It seems so easy to make pick a preference when it comes to surfing the web. When you like something you download it and try it.  If you don’t well that is okay because most trials are free.

If life was like the computer you could hit undo when you do something really stupid or go back to three days before you did something stupid. You could erase, edit and spell-check your words before they fell streaming out of your mouth. And best of all choices would be easy to make.

I’m horrible at making choices. I always have been. Either I’m impulsive and latch on to something without thinking it through or I have to research every detail before I decide. Both paths lead me to question my choice.

In Bach Essences there is a remedy for that: Cerato. This is Dr. Bach’s description of people who could benefit from Cerato, “Those who have not sufficient confidence in themselves to make their own decisions. They constantly seek advice from others, and are often misguided.”
- taken from The Twelve Healers and Other Remedies

Yep, that’s me. I’ve worked over the years to be happy with my choices but at the core, I am not a good decider. Case in point, we have these traveling scarves we are doing in our group and I have to decide what to add to each section. Sometimes it is too much to choose and stick to that choice so I bring it in and take a popular opinion vote at the group. I really lack faith in my own judgment especially when it comes to something for someone else.

At the same time, I believe that getting other people involved in what I’m doing enforces community. I like a little bit of everyone in the projects I do…it makes them mean more. Truly that is a beautiful thing to weave my friendships into my stitches and feel their love and support in my project.

I felt the love yesterday when I received my beautiful surprise birthday package from Birdsong! She created this beautiful hat for me and I love everything about it! The flower is perfect the color is my favorite…everything about this is a treasure! She included a cotton washcloth for my spiritual baths and it is so nubbly. All from her talented fingers…I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life! Finally, there was a little tin of lip balm to keep my lips happy. That will go straight into my knitting bag. What a thoughtful and sweet gift. Thank you, Birdsong! :)

Another gift I received was from my sweet sister. I had been reading a book about tarot and they mentioned this amazing deck that was dedicated to the creatures of all countries…and I fell in love. I agonized about getting another deck. Was I just making another hasty decision that I would regret later? Was it really calling to me? Did I really need another deck?

I kept coming back to this deck over and over until my sister offered to buy it for me. This is one decision that I’m really happy with. I love the rich drawings that depict creatures and beings from all over the globe. The cards really speak to me and I enjoyed my reading last night. Thank you again, sis! :)

I needed to turn a heel and cast on a pair of socks with this beautiful Spirit Trail Fiberworks sock yarn from knitnana. Thank you knitnana! :) This was another surprise gift from a while ago and I’ve been waiting until I had time to actually make a pair of socks for me. And you know what? I will never have time to make a pair of socks for me with all that is going on…so I just cast them on. I think it was a superb decision. I’m in love with this yarn and the colorway is just gorgeous!

Another decision that I’m very happy I waited on was the planting of seeds. Last night it went below freezing and we had frost on the cars. It is hard to wait for the right day and the precise weather conditions. I’m chomping at the bit to plant and have new life and yummy herbal goodness.

I guess I can see that all my choices do not turn into regrets. I will also concede that maybe I have more faith in my abilities then I allow myself to admit. I never have someone proof my blog before I send it and even though I agonize over hitting that “publish” button…I do it.

Baby steps…

If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice
Rush, Freewill

Just maybe it doesn’t matter how you choose. Sometimes a second opinion is a smart option. There are other times when to do nothing is the only path that can be taken. In the end, the choice is yours and yours alone. Choose well.

Have a great day!

Happy crafting!

Ruinwen
:)

Happiness Is...

... we can no longer afford to throw away even one ‘unimportant’ day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day.

-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

What makes a day unimportant? Every day that we take a breath upon this beautiful Earth and spend another moment with our family and friends is precious. Each night before bed I am thankful for at least three specific moments during that day…I can never stop at three.

There are so many things that can so easily be taken for granted. During this economic crisis maybe we can see how blessed we are much clearer than before. I can see how chaos is everywhere and many of my friends are overburdened with hardships that are slowly breaking them.

I’ve always believed you do what you can and the rest takes care of itself for good or bad. One person can only handle so much…but with a few good friends, you can do almost anything.

A kind word can bolster your soul. A helping hand can save you time. A loving gesture can uplift your entire day. A good friend is a treasure beyond worth or measure.

My life is filled with chaos but my friends balance it out and in the end, I think that makes all the difference. This weekend my BF and our families celebrated my birthday way early because there won’t be time for it later. We had a Twilight / Vampire / Fondue night that was out of this world. Have you ever tried chocolate fondue on bread? OMG, that was delish!

The simplest things are so precious and I will hold this celebration in my heart for a long time. Sometimes that is all you need to get through the “other” stuff. One happy memory can last forever if you cherish it.

Right now it is all about the memories. We are cleaning the house in order to put it on the market. We have a date now: in July the house I grew up in will no longer be mine. My tree Fred that I planted in 1976 will belong to another. But I have the memory of making sure that fragile little sapling was kept wet all day. I wrapped him in damp paper towels and the water made all my homework run, but he survived. Now Fred towers above our soon-to-be-old-house and it makes me smile whenever I see him.

It is time to let go and I can do that with only a few tears because the thing that makes a house a home is the people in it and with Mom at AL…it feels strangely empty even now.

They believe something happened with Mom like a mini-stroke or something that wiped out her short term memory. But with the thought of Dad moving in actually on the horizon, she seems happier. I also think the sun being stronger has a lot to do with it also.

I would say that it is actually warm here but I’d be lying. But that didn’t stop my crocuses. They keep pushing though because in adversity life goes on.

I finished another feather and fan scarf this weekend. I liked the “rose garden” feel to this one. If I can’t plant yet I’m going to bring in as much color as I can.

I’ve gotten the pattern together for my circle scarf and since I can only work on it when there is peace in the house…I haven’t started yet. lol

I had a silly little happy dance moment this weekend. I got up and went to Wal*mart when it opened so I could get Pokemon Platinum and they had this collectors game for the same price. This is a birthday present from my Dad and I can’t open it yet but it made me happy just the same. :)

I had such a wonderful weekend full of family, friends and unexpected blessings I just can’t stop smiling. :)

I wish the same happiness for all of you.

Happy crafting,

Ruinwen
:)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Irish luck's proverbial,
It never fails, they say,
And that's the kind I'm wishin' you,
With all my heart today
And faith, that's not the half of it,
I wish you fun and laughter
Good friends and health and happiness
Today and ever after.

Irish Blessing

Sisters

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."

-- Nietzsche

This post is going to be all over the place. My mind is like a closet that needs cleaning today.

I’ve been holding my friends close lately…in my heart…never far from my thoughts. So many of you are being affected by the state of the world it makes my heartache. …poor economy, financial trouble, layoffs, husbands…brothers…sons at war, illness of self or those you love…

I just want to send you all a big ****hug****

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

I ask the air to keep hope alive when the dark night of the soul sets in. I ask fire to keep the will strong so that the impossible is never out of reach. I ask water that connects us all heart to heart that the love that we have for our families and friends be an endless well that uplifts and supports us. I ask the Earth for Her forgiveness and to continue to give us a home where we can live and love and create a better day. I ask the God to watch over my friends and keep them safe. I ask the Goddess to care for them and provide them with what they need. So mote it be.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Have you heard about this CPSIA? After Feb 10th you will no longer be able to sell or donate any item that has not been tested. So if you are a loving charity giving sweetheart…get those items in now because after the 10th they will be considered “a health hazard.” I know this law is well-meaning but it is just well…not. This two-edged sword that protects our children will kill so many small businesses that can not pay the testing fees that it makes me cry thinking about it. The charities that are shutting down their children’s divisions because they can’t afford the testing…just turns my stomach.

I was fingering the little hat they gave me for my son…who was such a miracle to us…some loving soul hand knit that for him. Someone like you…the dear readers of my blog who are so giving…

I mean truly how can the yarn companies which are in as much trouble as everyone else even afford the testing? *shakes head*

So no children’s items this spring…all my items will have a disclaimer, “Not for children 12 or under,” on them. Better to be safe than sorry. “rolls eyes”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

People seemed to like my writing…that was nice. I’m waiting on the judging to find out if he deems me a writer with talent. Regardless…it was a fun experience.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****











My Vanna project has given me nothing but trouble and I ripped over and over before I figured out something that works. I still can’t show you more than the sneak peek above...but I named it Sisters.

I have a sister by birth who is the best. We are totally night and day from each other but somewhere in the middle we come together and are really tight. We make time to hang with each other each week because we love each other’s company. We finish each other’s sentences and break into song together. She always shows me a new and different way to look at things. Even in my darkest moments, she can constantly make me smile. When I face life’s hardest hurdles she is always there to hold my hand. I love her plain and simple. She is an amazing, talented, smart woman who I am blessed to call family.

Then I have a sister who is not related but she’s stuck by me through thick and thicker. Again we really have differing views on most everything but it doesn’t matter. We are joined at the heart and have been for years. She’s always been there when I didn’t have a clue where to go next. She always listens to me and my crazy stories and is someone I can really count on. My love and respect for her is huge. She is an extraordinary mother, a super smart teacher and able to fix anything with parts. I am blessed to have her as a friend and she and her family was adopted into ours years ago.

So my project is to honor these two special women. It stopped being about the contest as much as what as I wanted to say. In this crazy world where who knows what will happen next, it is comforting to me to know such beautiful, vibrant beings who are not only my sisters but also my best friends. I am truly blessed.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

For all of your well wishes and prayers and good thoughts…thank you. Every one of you means so much to me and one day I’ll design something to commemorate the beauty of community.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Mom moved into her new digs this weekend. I like her new room it is homey and has a nice view of the woods. She was really optimistic and happy and then went back to being depressed and confused. My horoscope prepared me for that so I was okay…I even told DH before we left to see her that I had a feeling it was talking about Mom. Wish I’d been wrong but what can you do?

Moving took most of the weekend and the rest was filled with deep intellectual discussions about BSG and the season opener. Don’t worry I won’t discuss all that here but WOW…that was an intense episode.

My goals are simple for this week…do not promise anything I cannot handle, soak in bath for at least an hour and if Sisters is not done by Sunday night at 8:00 p.m.…let the contest go. I love it regardless of what is done with it and that is all that matters.

*warm hugs* and bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)