The Shift

 

I love the shifts in color.  Working on the black cherry at present.

I was having a deeply reflective conversation with my therapist about the profound shifts occurring in my life lately. I find myself entrusting my journey to the Universe, and while that may seem a bit esoteric to some, it resonates deeply with me. 

 

There’s a natural rhythm to the way things align, like two cogs harmoniously engaging with one another. The steps I take are like building blocks of a staircase leading me to new heights. With this belief that the Universe is conspiring in my favor, I experience an incredible sense of freedom and inner peace. 

 

It’s not just the major life changes that reveal this truth. Every challenge we face can either ignite solutions or trigger reactions. By consciously choosing to focus on what I can create from my experiences rather than dwelling on external circumstances, I allow genuine transformation to unfold.

 

For example, I found myself engaged in the delicate dance of "yarn chicken," where I gambled on finishing a project with the yarn supply I had. As I lay in bed, a calm clarity washed over me, illuminating the realization that I had a beautiful leftover ball of fingering-weight yellow yarn waiting for me—a gift from the Universe itself. 

 

The next morning, joy flooded my heart as I discovered it was indeed the perfect match in weight and color to complete my mosaic stitch repeat. Yet, the Universe had more lessons in store. When I encountered another situation where I played yarn chicken and fell short, I still felt a deep-seated trust. I knew there was another ball of yarn, waiting patiently, ready to fulfill my need and complete the design. And, just as I had anticipated, it was right there for me.

 

These moments remind me that, like the threads of yarn weaving together in a tapestry, our lives unfold in divine patterns, guided by an unseen hand. The more I surrender to this flow, the more magic and connection I experience in every aspect of my life.

Happy Crafting! 🧶 

Bright Blessings,

Ruinwen

Connecting With Generosity

With the two little tops completed, I find myself once again immersed in one of Kathy's cherished projects. She began weaving a blanket adorned with delicate pink and white hearts—a perfect reflection of this season, where love blooms and Valentine's Day fills the air with warmth and connection. It seems only fitting to work on something that embodies a Mother’s heart, representing love, healing, and nurturing.

My own journey of the heart has taken me through a labyrinth of healing over many years, seeking a sense of worthiness and inner peace. I’ve consciously released the burdens I once clung to, recognizing that they were untruths that only served to hinder my spirit. In this process, I have reframed the distortions of past experiences that became false narratives—wounds that carved deeply into me.

In a recent moment of reflection, I chose to honor my efforts by rewarding myself for overcoming challenges. For so long, I struggled with receiving. I often felt like a burden to others—a thought that weighed heavily on my heart. When a dear friend happily offered to help me untangle some embroidery thread, I found myself questioning, “Why would I put her through this?”

But then, a profound insight came my way: “The Universe is not stingy. We are. Some of us compel ourselves to hold tightly, not just in how we treat others but fundamentally in how we treat ourselves.” It struck me like a gentle whisper of the Spirit, urging me to open my clenched hands, heart, and mind.

That night, as I penned a mindful journal entry, the essence of my reflections blossomed: “Being open to mutual generosity cultivates deeper connections and reinforces the bonds we share. Embracing the kindness of others enriches the fabric of our relationships, allowing both sides to flourish in the abundance of giving and receiving.”

This revelation illuminated a corner of my mind that I had never considered before. I found joy in extending help to others—but I had failed to recognize that they too experience joy when offering assistance to me. The community I hold dear in my heart somehow felt exclusive of me, an ironic twist that only fueled my internal struggle. Those two messages resonated deeply within me, igniting a spark of transformation.

As the dawn broke, I embraced a new perspective. I began accepting help with grace when it was offered and learned to ask for assistance without the nagging fear of being a bother. It’s not an easy path, and while I’m not an expert, I continue to strive for growth.

The most challenging aspect has been prioritizing myself—understanding that nurturing my joy is as sacred as guiding others on their journeys. My “me time” has evolved from a mere pause into a sacred ritual filled with joy and curiosity. The rewards I give to myself are treasures: a long spiritual bath illuminated by flickering candles and fragrant incense; snuggling up with a book whose pages have yearned for my touch; each reward weaving deeper meaning into my journey.

Pattern:  Quintet Shawlette and Yarn:  Anzula Squishy Skiens, Autumn Leaves

My latest gift to myself is working with yarn lovingly provided by my daughter, who saw it and felt it resonated with my essence. Its softness feels divine in my hands. I’ve discovered a perfect pattern for mini skeins and eagerly anticipate the dance of color changes. The mosaic stitch feels like a joyful meditation, a creative expression that encourages exploration without full commitment, unlike traditional Fair Isle, where both yarns must be carried across.

Through each stitch and each act of self-love, I weave not only a blanket but a tapestry of transformation, a testament to embracing not just the heart of a mother but the sacred love of the universe that flows abundantly when we open ourselves to it.

Happy Crafting 🧶 

Bright Blessings!

Ruinwen

Connections

 

Country Kiddie by Pixie Purls & Frolicking Feet by Done Roving Yarns

In the stillness of early morning, I embrace the peaceful rhythm of knitting a delicate baby sweater for my daughter's brother's child. Each loop and stitch becomes a form of meditation, uniting my spirit with the vibrant blue yarn. This simple act transcends the physical; it transforms into a sacred ritual of creativity—a form of fiber alchemy that nurtures both the creator and the creation.

The call of the fibers sings to me, a gentle whisper inviting me to embark on a journey of transformation. Like a phoenix rising from its ashes, each project emerges anew, born from moments of frogging and tinking, evolving into something extraordinary and full of life.

In the crafting community, the notion of being "sock-worthy" for a hand-knit gift often arises. Yet, I believe many overlook the deeper essence of this artistry. Each creation is laced with time, skill, and endless patience, infused with love and the grace of the spirit. Each stitch represents a moment devoted to another, a thread that weaves together our shared destinies. Every row becomes a heartfelt embrace, a way to envelop loved ones in warmth, both physical and emotional, delighting their senses with the beauty and texture of the work.

For those of us called to these crafts, there’s a profound connection to our ancestors, to the countless hours they poured into their handiwork. I recall visiting one of my Great Aunts, whose space was a sanctuary of knitted slippers—each pair a token of love bestowed upon her visitors. Surrounded by an abundance of yarn, I realized that my passion for knitting and crochet was not just a pastime; it was a flame ignited by generations past.

Crafting in this way transcends time, becoming an act of reverence for those who came before me. I channel their essence—those who live within my bones, my blood, and my breath. With every piece I create, I infuse it with my love and light, honoring my lineage and ensuring their legacy continues to shine through each thoughtful stitch. In this spiritual tapestry of creation, I find not only connection but also a sense of purpose, weaving together the past and the present through the fibers of life.

Happy Crafting! 🧶 

Bright Blessings,

Ruinwen

The Unfinished Projects

This blanket began with a woman named Susan, whose spirit I can imagine as she carefully selected the yarn, choosing safe colors that reflect the joy and anticipation of new life. Perhaps unsure of whether a boy or girl would soon be wrapped in its warmth, she initiated the project with a heartfelt flourish of ribbing, infusing it with her hopes and intentions.

Tragically, Susan's journey was cut short after completing just one panel. Yet in the hearts of knitters, there exists a sacred belief: unfinished projects hold a special energy that must be completed for the sake of the family and the original maker. Kathy understood this deeply. Inspired by Susan's spirit, she embraced the unfinished blanket and added another panel with her own love and intention.

Sadly, Kathy too departed this world too soon. Though I never met her, she was a friend of my friend, and even before anyone could voice the request, I felt a calling to honor her legacy. I took up her projects one at a time, pouring compassion into each creation—a blanket for her son, some scarves, and now this beloved baby blanket.

In a beautiful turn of fate, my friend found new parents eager to receive the blanket, and I sense that both Susan and Kathy would be filled with joy knowing their creations continue to embrace and nurture others. 

In the world of fiber arts, I believe we are all intertwined, enriched by the threads of community and connection that bind us. Though I did not know Susan or Kathy in life, I am deeply honored to continue their stories, finish the beautiful journeys they began, and celebrate the love that transcends time and space.

Happy Crafting.

Bright Blessings,

Ruinwen

WIPs, DIPs and Stashes...Oh My!

 

1/4 of my Craft Room

If you are like me, then you have many WIPs (works in progress.  It isn't something we plan, but yarn and patterns are so seductive that we are always downloading patterns and buying yarn.

This drawer of mine is actually DIPs (designs in progress).  I also have IIPs (ideas in progress), and the two of them take up three drawers and a storage container.

Each of these bags contains a moment that sparked a design idea; some have evolved into designs, and others I am holding space for to grow.

You can also see my sock and worsted-weight yarn containers.  I have an extensive collection of yarn, and it is organized by weight for easy retrieval.

This is why I needed a room for all my crafts.  

Sometimes I wonder how I got here.  I mean, I know I always take in yarn when people are going through their stashes.  I've stopped doing that.  I send it to the prisons or places that need yarn.  

I used to get paid in yarn to help people out, so I have a lot from my teaching days.  I picked out each one because I loved a particular color or texture.

When someone requested a design, I often didn't have the right yarn, so I had to buy the correct color or weight.  I always bought a little extra, just in case... You know how it is.

I used to see all this as guilt for buying yarn when I had so much, guilt for not making projects from the patterns I purchased, and guilt for taking up so much space.

When my biochemistry was off and anxiety was my primary emotion, I tried to make myself smaller so I could reach into myself to search for my own voice.  For three months, I could not hear my own thoughts unless I was distracted from the anxiety.

My yarn became a solace that I could wrap myself in, and sometimes I had actual moments of calm.  My therapist was amazed I had lasted so long, and I attribute it to the love and support of my family and friends, my desire to fight and get better, meditation, and my yarn.

In my state, knitting was almost impossible, so I turned to crocheting.  I made scarves for the homeless and loved the feel and color of the yarn.  My therapist said I must use tactile means as one of my calming methods, and she was right.  

Over the course of those three months, I made twelve scarves.  As everything worsened, it became harder to crochet, but I persevered. As soon as I met my therapist, I knew I wanted to knit her something with lace, because she let the light back into me.  She had given me hope, and that was so precious.

Initially, as I was healing, my son would read the pattern to me, and I would slowly make the stitches.  He was so kind and patient with me, as was my daughter. Honestly, I am blessed.  However, as time passed, I was able to knit and follow a pattern again, and it brought me immense joy.

I finished the scarf that was half knitted despite anxiety, and then half knitted with an absence of anxiety.  The story was in every stitch, and when I gave it to my therapist, she hugged me.  Everything had come full circle.  She had kept her promise to "fix" me.  I was whole in a way I cannot truly put into words.

So now, when I look at these WIPs, DIPs, and IIPs, I see a community of fibers that were there for me when I could hardly be there for myself.  They are diverse and beautiful, like my friends and family.  The simple act of crafting had been a meditation for my soul all these years, and I never knew what a profound effect it had on my self-care.

There is no guilt.  There never should have been.  I should have seen each ball or skien as a seedling waiting for its time in the sun.  The yarn is patient; it would not want me to feel guilty, so I don't.

Happy Crafting!

Bright Blessings,

Ruinwen

Holding Space and Showing Up

My wonderful daughter and I ❤️

 (Caution: this post may have triggers for adoptive parents or adopted children.) I hope that it helps you in one small way.

It seems forever since this post https://vixenpath.blogspot.com/2010/05/hole-in-my-heart.html

When I gifted my daughter so many years ago, I wanted to be part of her life in any way she was happy with.  Every year on her birthday,  I would write her a letter.

The truth is that those letters were hard in the beginning, but as the years went by, I realized I wasn't just showing up; I was holding space for possibilities, and I enjoyed sharing things with her.

I wrote poems for her and shared my dreams, and I got a few pictures here and there with some letters from her parents (who are fabulous, loving people). Those pictures were like treasures to me, and I kept them with me at all times in my wallet. I always felt so blessed that her parents would write to me and let me know how she was doing. I was ecstatic to get those letters and pictures, but I always held space for more.

Then one day, I got a call from my social worker about a birth-daughter who was looking for her birthday letter, and they wanted to know if I had sent it, and they lost it.  

I felt a million emotions at once, and my heart opened up to make more room. I was crazy happy, bawling like a baby, and my social worker held space for me the whole time.  

She then asked me the question that changed everything: "Do you want me to see if she would be open to e-mail?"

Of course, I said, "Yes!"

That weekend was her birthday and our wedding anniversary.  We got hand-fasted on the Saturday after Beltaine, which was my daughter's birthday.  So many happy blessings that day!  💖

I had planned a weekend getaway for my DH to a romantic hot tub for two and a beautiful B&B. We walked in the door, and I received an email: "I'm your birth daughter."

He was so happy for me and didn't mind that it was all I could think about and talk about. He joked and said, "I hope she doesn't call me stepdad because they always end up being the villain."

That e-mail led to others.  We were better at texting, and as I became more confident, I started opening up more, inviting in more space, and learning about this remarkable woman my daughter had become.

Then, like Anais Nin says, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

I asked her if it was okay if I said good night each night, and she said it was.  Saying good night is such a sacred part of my day.  If she needs Reiki, I will send some.   

She prayed for me when I was ill and sent me good energy. She held space for me, and I felt safe with someone who understood what was happening to me. Some of our chats were the only reason I got through the day.

During that time, we became good friends. We have so much in common, and there is always something to talk about. I used to have all these blocks, triggers, and things that I never knew how to heal, and they transformed day by day.

I could finally step back and view these things and see that they were past perceptions that no longer hold true, if they ever did.

All those fears and insecurities have melted away because my son and daughter are such beautiful people. I feel whole in a way I cannot explain. I feel like I have unfurled beautiful wings like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis. I feel free, and in that freedom is love, family, connections, pure joy, and discovery.

Ah, dear readers, there is more to this story.  We decided to meet at a sushi restaurant, and it was magical.  I saw her beautiful face and heard her voice for the first time, and I was just so happy.

We talked forever. We both accepted each other as we were. We played Pokémon, and she came home to meet her brother and DH. We spoke until way after my bedtime, but I didn't care.

I look forward to many new adventures with her, her family, and our families. I feel like all that space I was holding just expanded more, and overnight, I became part of something so special.

I am truly blessed.

In knitting news, I re-charted the Laurene Shawl and have knit two more repeats. It's slow progress, but I keep showing up, and that keeps the momentum going.

Happy Crafting!

Bright Blessings,

Ruinwen

Bright Blessings to all the men and women who have fought for our country and our freedoms, past, present and future.  🙏

George & Gracie

 

George & Gracie

Sometimes, something happens, and we attach a feeling to it. The thing hasn't changed, but our perception of it has.

This project was like that for me.  I started this project for my Mom when I was new to knitting, and the stitches are absolutely crazy.  When I taught it as a long-term class, we called those two stitches George and Gracie after Nana and Pop Pop's ducks that visit yearly.  (I know they are named after George Burns and Gracie Allen)...But I wanted a bit of Nana in the pattern, so my stitches are named after ducks.

George is a t2l (twist 2 stitches to the left).  This is George:

Knit into the back of the 2nd stitch on the left-hand needle, do not slip the stitch off, knit into the first stitch on the left-hand needle, slip both stitches off

Gracie is a t2r (twist 2 stitches to the right).  This is Gracie:

K2tog (knit two stitches together), do not slip the stitch off, knit into the first stitch on the left-hand needle, slip both stitches off

Those stitches were complicated at first for the people in the class, but as time went by, they became pros at "George and Gracie." Plus, it made us all laugh, which is always good medicine.

For me, it wasn't hard to teach the class or even knit the pattern in another yarn, but for some reason, I couldn't pick up the yarn from the hotel incident in last week's post.

I was stuck in a moment in time, and it took me a lot of self-work to pick up this project again.

But when I did, I separated the project from my emotions.  The project never did anything wrong; it was a victim in this story.  

This whole project was created out of love for my Mom. Each stitch was lovingly picked and worked repeatedly, and I had a reason for everything used to make it.

I just redid my craft room, and it is now a safe and happy space. All my yarn is organized by weight, and all the WIPs are in drawers waiting to be finished.

I started with the Laurene Shawl because it is my oldest WIP. I began by reaching back to myself in that hotel room, giving her a hug, and saying, "I got you. I am here for you. I will finish what you started. Take time to heal. It will be okay. I got you."

When I said that, I felt chills; all that negative emotion disappeared. I picked up the shawl and knitted, and I surprised myself at how complex I made the stitches because I wanted them to look a certain way.

I don't want to change a thing because every stitch means something. Everything has a story to tell, and sometimes, that story holds us back, but if we remove the emotion and look at the facts, our perception will often change.

I made a contract with myself to knit at least two rows a day until the shawl is finished. Making the stitches that seemed so hard in 2004 is easy for me now.  

I love working on this again. The Silky Wool slides through my fingers. It is a beautiful yarn—a gorgeous green for my lovely Mom with the beautiful green eyes.  

I know it is a little early, but Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I love you and miss you.  I will finish this shawl; when I wear it, I feel like I am being held in your arms.  

Happy Crafting!

Bright Blessings,

Ruinwen