Can You Hear the Mice Singing?

You know that scene in the Disney cartoon of Cinderella where the mice are putting together a dress and singing along...that is what went through my head as I worked on this scarf.  If you haven't heard it then here is a link.

The gist is the two sisters throw away a sash and some pearls because they are so last season.  The mice pick them up and create something absolutely stunning for Cinderella.

I have three yarns that have been thrown away by my friends and I'm going to call them Cinderella yarns.

The first culprit was quite a trouble maker.  Her sister skein had been wound on a ball winder and during the knitting process pulled herself inside out.  Once ribbon yarn has been allowed some freedom it gets really tangled and that is when we met.  I lovingly untangled this yarn for about a week.  Slowly as I knit on the project as a little ribbon became free and it was slow patient, meditative work but in the end, my friend had a beautiful scarf for all that trouble.  She didn't want to even touch the other ball so it became mine.

The next ribbon yarn fell into similar circumstances; her brother had given the knitter so much grief she didn't even want to look at the second skein...I took him in also.

The third ribbon yarn didn't have any kin and from the cast-on she was so despised that I had to take her in too.

And there they sat until I thought about putting all these lonesome ribbons together and see what they could create when someone believes in them.  "cue the mice"

I started with the leftover black cotton from the baby sweater because I thought it would be stabilizing but in my wildest imaginations, I never saw the stark contrast that the black provided against the colorful ribbons.  I fell in love with this combination and from that moment on I just have loved working on this project.  It is so simple yet, so rewarding.  :)


I love knits that make you feel good.  I just adore fibers that make my fingers sing as I work them.  I finished my prayer shawl by the way and it is soooo soft!  I enjoyed working with the Billow more then I can say.  And when you have to bind off almost 600 stitches in the end...that is saying something.  :)

Sorry, no picture; I was so happy to have it done...I packed it up in its mailing box and got it all taped up when I remembered.  Ooops!

In the last week, I actually completed a lot.  I finished this Fair Isle hat.  While I have done Fair Isle before this was the first time I knit Continental and English at the same time. It was also the first time I did the floats right.  I took a fabulous class with my friend at the Mannings from Missy Burns and we had a blast.  It was one of those aha moments that you don't know how you functioned before you knew the key.  Well, I know how I functioned.  I would pick up the yarn and move it so it was in the right place and there was no hole...and well, I got really fast at it...but still.  There is no substitute for knowing the correct way to do something.  I'm really happy with my hat.  My stranding got better and my hands started to understand that this was the way we were doing this by the third motif and then...it was a whole new world.  

So now I can redesign my iPhone bag and finish the bag o' Fair Isle that I started...and make sweaters for so many things...babies, stuffed animals and possibly a vest for me.  I've had the pattern for years and certainly enough Palette to last for at least 10 vests.  Ah, the doors that have been opened... it's like a magic wand was waved over my head and I've been "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Booed" by the knitting faerie.  :)

I've been putting a whole lot of my energy into a lace class I will be teaching.  The shawl the students are making will start with simple lace techniques and grow as they learn new stitches and such.  It is a joy to figure out the motifs and watch them knit into being.  Right now I'm test knitting on Malabrigo chunky.  I like to see what the lace will look like in different yarns so if someone wants to use something different I have first-hand knowledge of what it will look like.  Besides...Malabrigo is so soft and yummy and I have been on this soft tactile kick lately.

May what you create give you joy,

Ruinwen
:)

Mr. Squishy

I love this scene with Dorie from Finding Nemo.  So when I began my brioche scarf it only seemed natural to name it Mr. Squishy.  I wanted to make something special for Mr. Dogwalker who walks the work dog ( I don't have a dog myself) and I found this.  It is Schoppel-Wolle's Gradient in 1535.  Schoppel-Wolle are the wonderful people who make the Zauerball and lots of other beautiful yarns.

This yarn is squishy to begin with but with the gentle barking of brioche (that is a mouthful) it becomes even lighter...even squishier...if that is possible.

I am in love with brioche.  First of all, it provides a fun dialogue as you knit.  "Oh, hon I can't stop while I'm burping, I'll lose my place."  or "Not now I'm barking!"  Ah, yes fun stuff.

The knit brioche stitch is called the brk or bark and the purl brioche stitch is called the brp or burp.  I am just doing the barking right now but with the gradient yarn, it creates such a lovely effect.  Next, I will be making a project with two colors so there will be plenty of burping involved.  See isn't this fun?  ;)

For those of you have not knit brioche before here is the recipe for an even number of stitches. An odd number would be a different recipe...with a different flavor...and selvages...but I digress.

CO loosely an even number of stitches.  If you are a tight knitter use a bigger needle or two needles held together to cast on your stitches.  Drop the second needle before you start knitting.

Things you need to know:
yf sl1yo - Hold the yarn in front of your work, when you slip the yarn is already in front so the yo will be formed by the next action (K1 or brk1).  You always slip purlwise.

brk or bark stitch is made by knitting the stitch that was made on the previous row together with it’s YO.  When you look at your needle you will have a stitch by itself (that is the stitch you slip) and two stitches clustered together.  Those two will be the ones you knit together.  

Set up row: *yf s1yo, K1* rep ** to end 

Row 1: *yf s1yo, brk1* rep ** to end

Rep Row 1 until the desired length and bind off loosely.

For the first 10 rows, your brioche will look strange and then suddenly, you will see the pattern develop like magic.  I just love this stitch and the fabric it makes.  :)

For this week's other project I am knitting Summer Flies again.  I just love this pattern; I have made 8 of them now.  A client of ours had lung removal surgery and I just felt I had to do something; so I am making her a prayer shawl out of this.  It is Knit Picks new Billow line and it is a bulky squishy Pima cotton that knits up fast and is soft like a cloud.  I must say I really love this yarn.  It feels luxurious against my fingers and I don't want to stop knitting it.

And finally...Happy Spring!  May the blessings of Ostra fill you with new ideas to plant, nurture and grow over the coming year.  May they bring you a beautiful harvest in the Fall.  :)

My goals this year are simple but perfect for where I am in my path:
Air - Design
Fire - own my Talent
Water - be Joyful
Earth - be Prosperous
Spirit - appreciate the Beauty of nature

This year all my affirmations have been placed in this egg that I made out of yarn I had around and about the house.  I figure all my left-overs have deep meaning to me.  I remember the projects they came from as stepping stones on my path as a knitter.  They are dear to me, which is why I have so much trouble throwing anything out.  I even keep small pieces for use as lifelines and eyes or noses on stuffed toys.

Note: the crocuses are closed up tight because it was around freezing all day (it actually snowed today), but at least they are out heralding Spring is on its way.

Bright blessings and happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

Shooting the Curl

"The balanced energy is the birthing energy. I used to say that the birthing energy was all feminine -- it’s not. You have to push and you have to be. It’s such a potent example of the dance of the feminine and masculine together, the dance that is the creative energy of life!"

-- Joyce Irvine

I was looking at Serenity, which was my first design for my first class ever in March of '06, because I wanted to put it up as a free pattern on Ravelry.  I have never liked the way the edge curled into the stockinette.  I mean everyone knows that stockinette will curl which is why I put the garter edging on there.  I steamed the sucker and blocked it and still...curl.

One of my wonderful students and friends made me the spring-green scarf pictured above for Yule.  It is soft and yummy and I just love it...but there again, through no fault of anyone...is that darn curl.  If you can't tell this is something that I wake up in the middle of the night mulling over.  So, instead of just thinking about it here is my attempt to find a solution.

ABBREVIATIONS (just in case you are new to knitting)

K         - Knit

K2tog - Knit the first and second stitches on the left-hand needle at the same time 

             - it is a right- slanting decrease

P          - Purl

YO       - yarn over, with the yarn in front knit your next stitch

SEED STITCH

Okay, we tried garter stitch in the original pattern and failed...let's see if seed stitch fares any better.  Seed stitch is a nice little stitch that is totally reversible and great for edgings.  It is the top light-blue swatch in the above picture.

Seed stitch is usually created over an even number of stitches:

Row 1:     *K1, P1* rep **

Row 2:     *P1, K1* rep **

Rep Rows 1 and 2 for pattern

As long as you knit the purls and purl the knits you will find this easy.  I use a pink or purple marker on the row that starts with a purl (since they both begin with P) to help me remember where I am.  

Alas, this did not help.  The scarf curled after the seed stitch line.

RIBBING

Ribbing is usually used on the cuffs, neck or bottom of a sweater.  It allows the fabric to look smaller then it is but then still stretch to the actual size...like a sleeve cuff.

Ribbing is usually created over an even number of stitches:

Row 1:     *K1, P1* rep **

Row 2:     *K1, P1 **

Rep Rows 1 and 2 for pattern

As long as you knit the knits and purl the purls you will find this easy.  

This technique would look silly on this scarf...and I'm sure the tenacious Serenity would find a way to curl with the ribbing as well.

DROP STITCH OR UN-LADDERING

The un-ladder option just doesn't work with the pattern here..though I do love to knit a scarf and then drop every four stitches watching them unravel and adding lightness to the fabric.  

So, what I have learned is this pattern will curl with any edging I use.  The name of this scarf at this moment is not very descriptive of how I feel. *breathe*

My next swatch will be eyelets. 

My last resort before I do something rash that I don't want to do is to leave one stockinette stitch surrounding the pattern and make the rest garter.  This might stabilize the fabric enough to tame the curl.  *crossing fingers*  (NOTE:  I tried this for funsies and the pattern was lost.)

YO OR EYELET ROWS

Eyelets are just little columns or rows of YOs all lined up in a...well row or column   It is a nice little flourish and you can snake a ribbon through them to make a scarf extra pretty.  It is the bottom light-blue swatch in the above picture.

So with a four stitch border, the pattern would look like this:

Row 1:     K2, YO, K2tog

Knit your pattern and leave 4 stitches:

Row 1:     K2tog, YO, K2

Well, this didn't work either.  In fact, Serenity curled up so fast you would think she was a bear going to hibernate for the winter.

STAGGERED EYELETS

So...*breathe* now I will try staggered eyelets.  This is a lovely effect; almost like twining vines.  It is the dark-green three-repeat swatch in the picture.

Okay, using a four stitch border it would look like this.  

Right side - because we knit from right to left.

Row 1:     K2, K2tog, YO

Row 2:     You can K2, P2 here or K all the stitches, or P all the stitches based on what you are trying to achieve.  For this pattern, I used K2, P2

Row 3:     K2, YO, K2tog

Row 4:     K2, P2

After the pattern, we end with four stitches on the left side:

Row 1:     YO, K2tog, K2

Row 2:     P2, K2

Row 3:     K2tog, YO, K2

Row 4:     P2, K2

Nope, didn't make a lick of difference though it is very pretty and I like the raised effect achieved by purling on the back.

So my next attempt...hopefully my last...will incorporate a few of these techniques all in one hopeful prayer of a mishmash that maybe by all the techniques working together, I can conquer the dreaded curl.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

The right side:

Row 1:     K2, K2tog, YO, K2

Row 2:     K2, P2, K2

Row 3:     K2, YO, K2tog, K2

Row 4:     K2, P2, K2

The left side:

Row 1:     K2, YO, K2tog, K2

Row 2:     K2, P2, K2

Row 3:     K2, K2tog, YO, K2

Row 4:     K2, P2, K2

This produces a larger garter boarder surrounding the staggered eyelets.  Employing this pattern has forced the right and left-slanting decreases to pop and become almost 3 dimensional ..or I've been staring at this way too long?

I am happy with the result.  :)  But it still did this :(

So, it is back to the drawing board...again.

Maybe, just maybe I have been looking at this whole thing wrong.  I've been trying to stop what is apparently natural in this pattern.  Gravity and other factors are at work here.  

If this was surfing; I'd be working with that curl...flowing through it...not trying to deny it's existence.

So, I sat down and thought about this and I thought a thought that had once come to me in a fleeting glimpse at night just before bed...why not just let it curl?  It is going to do it anyway.  In fact did you know the Harry Potter house movie scarves were all done in the round so they would not curl?

So, I have two ideas and one is to just knit this sucker in the round with lace on both sides and the darn staggered eyelets that I've grown to love after swatching them so many times, could be the border between the two sides.  Or...I could use a stitch that is guaranteed to curl and it can get it's curl on early on and we will both be happy.

I've decided to start with a stockinette border which is against everything I usually do.  I want it to match the sides so I will have to see if it rolls under or over on whether I begin with a purl row or a knit one.  The pattern for the edges will be simple:

Row 1:     K3, P3 - Pattern - P3, K3
Row 2:     P3, K3 - Pattern - K3, P3

Of course I will have to play with my stitch count since I just added six rows to this 30 stitch pattern...I'm not sure if bigger is better but at this point I won't give up my staggered eyelets.

Ooops I think I forgot there *breathe*...ahhhhhh.....better.  :)

I know the pictures a bit dark but this is the result.  My DH likes the other side the which would be:


Row 1:     P3, K3 - Pattern - K3, P3
Row 2:     K3, P3 - Pattern - P3, K3

They both have good and bad aspects.  The first which I will name "flat" is so neat to watch come into being.  The first stitch of the purl is all you see, the rest pull into themselves and disappear.  So it appears you have this solid border of stockinette.  The downside is it wanted to curl as well.  But maybe it can be blocked out.  I have not tried blocking this particular mod and won't be able to before this post is due out.  But I will let you know if it works in upcoming posts.

The other edge which I will name rolled is very akin to a i-cord.  It is a wonderful little edge but it too seems to want to roll a bit and the lace is lost in it's pull.  

So, I learned a lot and I'm still not happy with anything.  But I have some new ideas to try and I will either find something that flows with the curl or find a way to tame it.






Happy Knitting,

Ruinwen
:)

BTW:  The yarn is Knitpicks Swish Tonal in canopy.  I like it for stitch definition.  It reminds me of Cascade 220 and it actually has 220 yards.  I ripped this piece out more times then I would like to count and there was very little fuzz or degrading of the fibers.  This yarn can take a beating and still shines in bright beautiful colorways. 

Connections

"What every man needs, regardless of his job or the kind of work he is doing, is a vision of what his place is and may be. He needs an objective and a purpose. He needs a feeling and a belief that he has some worthwhile thing to do. What this is no one can tell him. It must be his own creation."

-- Joseph M. Dodge

My Grandpa was a lineman with Ma Bell...Pop Pop was too...and so is my Brother-in-Law who works for Verizon...those black cables lines that surround most of us connect all these amazing men.  There are 114,000,000 cable lines crossing the US connecting us to friends and loved ones at the touch of a few buttons.  It really is quite magical to me how a voice can travel from place to place at any time of day or night.

This thought had me up at two in the morning and I had a vision of a cabled scarf that I could design to honor these men in my family who have kept us connected over the years.  I imagined three cable lines that come together in a unique sort of way.

So I found a cable pattern I liked called Fishernet.  It was four cable lines all perfectly happily flowing into each other; so I shook things up a bit by removing one of the cables.  Now it was asymmetrical and very wonky to say the least.  So I charted two possibilities one with the bulbous exaggerated cables and one with nice flowing cables.  The charting reminded me of one of those pictures you stare at and suddenly everything shifts and you see whatever was hidden.  Suddenly, I could see the cable lines as clear as if they were really there.

I brought both charts to Knit Night and the girls voted on the flowing cable so that will be the one I swatch.  From beginning to end a new design can take quite a bit of time but sometimes everything flows and falls into place quickly and that is always a nice surprise.  But I suppose most things are like that.  

I have knit a pattern with no trouble at all; all my numbers work the first time and it just flows.  And then I have knit a pattern which I tink back more then I knit and I am dreading each stitch.  Sometimes I have silly setbacks that all can be chalked up to fate and not the pattern....such as this is the second day that I have forgotten a needle to finish my friend's baby sweater.  It has been that kind of week and it is only Tuesday.  *sigh*

Oh well, I still managed to get it done later that evening.  This cotton yarn is is Dark Horse, Desert Flower in black.  The pattern is Naughty Knots Top Down Baby Cardigan from February's Cast On.  I really enjoyed knitting this despite the fact I kept forgetting the needles.  

I adore the sheep buttons that I got at the Knitter's Nest, sorry the picture came out blue.  I want to make this again in something bright; the black was hard to see at times but when you have a city baby who likes his dark colors...I just went with it.  lol

I've been working really hard to put our brand on my patterns and get them up on Ravelry.  I've been making folders for all the patterns and systematically going through a checklist on each of them.  1) does the pattern work?,  2) layout the pattern, 3) photoshoot, 4) brand it, 5) check the whole thing again for accuracy and spelling and stuff and save it as a PDF...load it up and feel just a little freer.

The new ideas get folders too.  I get them to a point that I will be able to continue where ever I left off.  Which is where Linemen is.  It is all ready to be tested...and then I will make it reversible and test it again.   It all seems like a lot of work at times but when you see someone wearing something you designed and they tell you how much they love it...all the creation stress goes away.  Besides I really like the puzzle part of it.  Figuring out a pattern really is fun for me.  

I hope you all had a wonderful week; if not relax, make some tea and take some time to appreciate the wonderfulness that is you.

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

NOTE:  I had to change the settings to my comment feeds because of really bad spam.  Some of you said you couldn't read the little pictures with numbers and words and I agree: I can't either   So, I have moderated the comments.  I will try to keep up with them in a timely manner.  Thanks for your understanding.  Hugs!  :)

Evolution of a Hood

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up.
-- A. A. Milne

The evolution of a pattern over a 3 year period

1. I found a pattern that I liked and it was really neat…a scarf that attaches to a hood to make a hooded scarf and decided to make it for a Christmas gift. It is now October.

2. After swatching I realize I’m not going to be able to deal with the back of the fabric and decide to redesign the cable to be reversible.

3. After messing up my math in every conceivable way and pulling my hair out, I chart the pattern correctly. There is much rejoicing. :)

4. The scarf is flawless and I love it. It is a joy to knit and I love the finished project. There is much happy dancing. :) It is now November.

5. Feeling on a wonderful high I use the same now tested cable pattern to replace the cable pattern on the old pattern’s hood and I am feeling pretty happy about how it looks and is making up.

6. I knit furiously finishing the hood and come to the grafting part and realize that I never took into account that:

One) the pattern grafted the two halves together so they would kinda be a blob and grow from one another and (Two) by using the reversible knitting technique in order for them to join properly the 2nd cable would have to be totally reversed from starting with a purl to the whole CF8 / CB8 mess. There was much gnashing of teeth, swearing and crying. :( It is now the day before Yule.

7. A good friend promises me in the new year she will rip the hood out with me…the salt tears are not good for the silken wool. :( It is now the day after Yule.

8. I do not have the will to reknit this hood part again and I make the scarf longer and give it as a gift and it is loved and appreciated. Happy dance. :) It is the day before Christmas.

9. During the long weekend, I scour Ravelry and my books for ideas and find another hood/scarf idea I like. I redesign the cables into smaller ones and actually get the math right on the first try. Amazement ensues. :) It is two days after Christmas.

10. I realize that in order for the hood to “grow” from the scarf I must employ the use of short rows. I spend two weeks swatching short rows until DH begins to think they all look the same. It is now January.

11. I begin on the scarf section and tweak design six times before liking the smaller reversible cables. Wild cable happiness abounds. It is now February.

12. It seems the hood has a will of its own and my friend cannot rip it out to save her life. We plan a day and I make the cut that will hopefully unravel my hood and give me back my pretty Noro. It hurts but we do it and now the hood is in one big ball. I place the ball back in the stash and try and forget how much I loved that hood. :(

13. I painstakingly line by line design a hood using Cat Bordhi’s method of knitting short rows. I am hopeful this is the month I will learn how to knit her little sock. *hah* I am still happy with the scarf portion and the pattern is complete but not yet tested. Hello March…

14. I’m getting ready to start the increases for the hood and so far so good.

15. Life goes insane and creative knitting falls into the drain of disparity for the rest of the year.

16. It is February again and I have learned how to knit Cat Bordhi’s socks thanks to a knit group that I am part of. I resolve that it will help me with my hood and spend many sleepless nights worrying about “Larinking”.

17. February is ending and I have two socks to pass on and my creative mojo is coming back from its long hiatus. I feel that I can take on the world…or at least the hood.

18. March; okay I'm getting down to business here. I am fired up by the Aries energy coming in and I want to see this pattern birth into life like the blooms that are starting on the trees. Starting again with two cables running up the scarf I am excited that maybe this will be the time that I figure this all out.

The cables are pretty little things filling me with hope.  I get to the hood part and I split them and everything goes as planned.  *there is much rejoicing*.  I decide this is enough for today and happily go to sleep.

19.  Somehow it is April and I have not worked on the hood.  I pick it up and totally lose everything Cat had taught me.  I fiddle with short rows until I have something I can be okay with and move on.

20.  My beloved Father dies suddenly and I cannot seem to knit anything that is complicated.  I have to push to finish my project for my class and can't believe I managed to design something and teach it when my heart is filled with such sorrow.  *side note:  yes I was cheating on my hat/scarf with my cowl design...but playing with the sugar was just too tempting)*

21.  June flies by and I knit here and there but charting looks too intimidating.  I start doubting myself and feel like I should just rip the thing out.  I am pretty down...I cry all the time in private.  I talk to Dad and he tells me that I shouldn't be sad because he is still with me.  Every bill I pay for Mom, every call I have to make breaks me down.  But the hat/scarf is patient.  It doesn't judge me and I am thankful for that.

22.  We start playing Skyrim since hubby works for their parent company and we've been wanting to play for a while...I've expounded on my gaming before so this should be no surprise.  I found this game slowly bringing me back to myself.  It is hard to explain.  But knowing I could set out and finish a Quest gave me the courage I could do another.  The battle music filled me with a desire to go forward.  We all get inspired in different ways: Skyrim helped me get through the melancholy haze I was in and embrace life again.  While I watched my son and DH play I began to knit again with a ferocity that surprised even me.

23.  With over 20 dragons under my belt, I was feeling more like my old self but quite different.  I was tired of being afraid of failing, and I just jumped into my pattern and ripped the whole thing out and started over.  By the end of the weekend, I had tested the cables and they looked good.  By the end of the week, I was finished with the hood and the cables were back together going down the other scarf.

24.  December.  I bring my finished triumph to knit night and one of the girls says it is a little big.  Not deterred in the least...I start working on sizes.

25.  January.  After so much math that I cannot comprehend if 2+2 actually equals 4 anymore; I have three sizes to show for all my work.  I still need to test them which will have to stay on the back burner for a while.  But I think the math will ring true when I do.

26.  February.  After much work and considerable effort, my beautiful hooded scarf gets a photoshoot.  I am proud that I finished it.  I can feel Dad smiling in Heaven.

Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)

Despondency and a New Pattern

Today I remembered my little green stopper to bring to Starbucks; this is an achievement…no really.

I had hoped last time I wrote that I could continue my blogging days; but alas that did not happen. I’m not sure exactly what did happen since this year has become hazy in its passing.

My beloved hubby was looking for a job and things had been tense for a while but the Goddess was looking over me (as always) and opened up a new door that I wasn't expecting in the least.

I was asked to teach at the Knitter’s Nest; a wonderful LYS chock full of beautiful yarns and lovely people to boot. A friend of mine had asked to watch me design something from start to finish; so I set out to make something beautiful out of lace in honor of the extraordinary woman that gave birth to my husband, for my first class.

I had found this scrumptious yarn at The Mannings (look at me dropping LYS names like they are going out of style…lol). It is made out of sugar…I like to slur the u a bit…suuugar…when I say that. It is soft and silky and drapes like a dream. I knew this was the perfect yarn for my project.

My friend was content to watch me struggle with gauge and the pattern over and over. I brought it to Friday night with the girls and they laughed at the number of life-lines I had at the various repeats in the pattern.

Finally, I found an edging that I adored and established a place where a bead would go nicely in it; and after three months of extensive edits, I was finally done.

The day before I taught my class, my Father fell. The hospital urged me to finish my class that he was in no shape to see me. I saw him the next day and it was heartbreaking…he passed away soon after surrounded by his loved ones…after living a long and colorful life. I promised him that we would take care of Mom who he had lovingly spent his days proving comfort and companionship.

Suddenly…everything changed. Children became adults overnight. As POA of my Mother; I suddenly had bills and Doctor’s appts and other things that I had to keep track of. And I say this with no anger or ill intent; it is a joy to care for my Mother…I love her dearly and would do anything to ease the loss of her husband and best friend. It's just I had trouble keeping track of the three of us…now it was four and I felt a little frayed. Don’t get me wrong my sister is a HUGE help and my family is awesome…my friends are the best and they have been there for every tear and every breakdown.

But…that doesn't stop the…missing him. I just miss him. I know people lose people every day and I always send a prayer to their family…but I've never lost anyone so close like this before…and I've never felt this emptiness like I feel now.

At times I feel that maybe a bit of depression has set in and maybe it has…but I don’t really have time for it. I work a 40 hour week and when I get home there is homework, sometimes pattern designing, dinner and bed. And that continues until Friday...when I am already tired beyond belief and I go to knitting because I love it.

I haven’t stopped doing anything important. I keep going, but the little things become harder each day and the stress at times of the things I can’t do is overwhelming.

I had vertigo for four weeks and I never even opened my computer.

That is why after a week of trying to remember my little green stopper, the fact that I did, is a reason to celebrate.

Thanks for listening.

Happy crafting, Ruinwen

BTW: The Knit Nana Lace Cowl will be available on Ravelry soon.

My test knitters have been awesome and all the edits are done. A special thanks to my model as well who came right over to help me with a photoshoot and didn't mind the 20 or so pictures we took to get the shot right.

Reinventing Myself

I’m back.

The old me would apologize for being away so long. But the new me knew I needed the time to make sense of everything before I came back.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t miss everyone…because I did.

I thought that my hiatus on my blog would be enough but I ended up abandoning my e-mail and Facebook as well.

In the end, it was lace that brought me back to my center. I made eight lace projects starting with finishing the Queen of Hearts shawl. The shawl is done and I am awed by the beauty of the yarn and the lines of the lace.

I realized that when I started knitting one of the shawls that there was a glaring mistake that messed up the count and skewed the lace. Such a simple thing to leave out one K1; you would think that it could hardly do any real damage. But it did.

At this point you have 3 choices; a crossroads of sorts that will determine the rest of the flow of your pattern. You can rip back to a point where everything made sense and put in a life-line. You will have to pay attention this time and maybe you can figure out where the mistake is and avoid it…or you might just do it again…and again. This first scenario often lends itself to overdoses of chocolate or even stronger methods of soothing one’s frazzled nerves.

The second choice you have is to ignore it. You can blindly make an increase and hope for the best. Sometimes this will work; other times you will find that the fix is worse then the mistake. The question you need to ask yourself is can you live with it? If you can then, voila, you can go on with your pattern happy as a clam.

I’m not sure how happy a clam is. But this idiom comes from either from them being happy in high tide because that is the time they are free from predators and all is right in their clammy world or from the fact their shells look like little smiles.

Either way that is how you will feel if you can manage to make a mistake and let it go. There is another tier to this second choice. Many cultures believe that a mistake in their craft honors the Divine. Only the PTB (Powers That Be) can be perfect and by making a conscious mistake and gifting it to the PTB you are honoring them. I always try and acknowledge one in everything I make. It can be as simple as an uneven stitch that maybe only you can see. Since perfection is unobtainable; this is an easy thing to do.

Now if you can’t live with your mistake then you have to choose again between choice one; ripping back and choice 3 which is to give up altogether.

This can be expressed by ripping the project back to a ball of now kinky yarn and never looking at the pattern again. But the most common thing is to place it away in a UFO holding pattern. That way you haven’t given up and you might actually get back to it at some later date.

My life was like this example. I kept trying to make it better but I needed to rip everything away before I could see what was really going on within me.

I spent the last 4 months doing just that.

I meditated on what my path is and where I am going. I started taking on knitting and healing clients. It helped me to step outside myself and see how other people see me.

There was this anime that DH and I watched where they said when someone has a friend who can see things within them that their friend cannot, it allows that person to glimpse those aspects of self and embrace parts of themselves that they didn’t even know existed.

Even a person who does not love themselves can mirror love from another by reasoning, “If they can love me, I should be able in turn to find something in me that is lovable.”

There was a moment where one of the girls in my knitting group who I also consider a good friend, gave me the gift of a spinning class in the spring; and I burst into tears. She told me that I was always so giving and kind to everyone she wanted to give me something in return.

At that moment something in me shifted and I began to see myself as my friends saw me and to tell the truth I did not know this woman they talked about. One of the things they talked about was my talent as a knitter.

I wanted to argue that I have ripped back on plenty of projects and made mistakes that were totally unfixable. I wanted to expound on my fear of steeking and all my faults. But I didn’t.

At that moment I chose to see if they were right and I decided to make a lace project a week until July 25 and give each of these beautiful knitting friends a little bit of me owning my talent.

The first project I was a bit scared that I would find my talent was all a sham but that soon gave way to a new appreciation for how the yarn came together in lovely patterns as I knit away.

I realized when I came the point in the pattern where there was an error that I could visualize what was missing and fixed it and just kept knitting. As the finished projects piled up I began to feel this inner strength flexing its muscles.

I began to embrace the process again and each new project brought such joy to me. Lace patterns became an extension of Zen meditations.

When each gift was finally opened they were all received with such love and gratitude. It was at that moment that I realized there was no charade; I am truly a knitter.

That doesn’t mean I won’t make mistakes but it does mean that I can meet each with patience and understanding the way I do for my students.

The next goal I have is to get a pattern up on Ravelry. I am designing a layout for my patterns, which has a learning curve of new software. But I’m up to the task.

Last year I got so caught up in making sure I posted each week that I created things to post about. This year I’m going to create something and then post about it. I’m not promising any schedule and I don’t feel guilty about that.

Right now I am knitting a prayer shawl for my friend’s Mother. It is made with some merino that is a light blue and white color-way. I was saving it for something to go with jeans but c’est la vie. This is the Shoulder Shawl from Victorian Lace Today. The merino is making this huge and squishy which for my purposes is just perfect. I’m on the lace border right now.

I love this pattern and will make it again with actual lace weight yarn at some point. The shawl body itself was easy to memorize and I was soon knitting it without a pattern. The edging is a little tricky with the double yarn-overs but on the whole it is the piece de resistance.

The shawl is lovely without the edging but with it the shawl is transformed into something almost magical. I’m really enjoying the process.

******************

I wrote the above post in a moment of clarity where everything was clicking about 6 months ago. That is why the dates and projects are skewed.

The truth was I still needed to fall before I could get back up. And fall I did. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was blessed beyond measure but she chaos outside of me had overtaken me and I lived in constant shadow.

I had been moving forward with so many things that I hadn't taken time to truly grieve my losses. It started with a potato pancake made from left-over mashed potatoes. Mom always saved a little mashed potatoes to make me a few potato pancakes. I can never get them to taste just like hers; I think I am missing a Mother's love.

She had all kinds of things she would make that would cheer me up. Like cutting my toast and making it into a log cabin when I was sick...such a sweet thing. So simple...so Mom.

It is hard for me to grasp that my home where I grew up has been sold...that the Mom I love will never make me a log cabin toast treasure again. Our roles are switched and now it is my time to take care of her...to help her find her way.

I miss being able to talk to her. Her insights were always loving and deep and really I should have listened to her more rather then being so hard headed. I miss my friend and confidant.

We spent most of the Summer with either Mom or Dad in and out of the ER. If Mom's cancer was in remission then Dad would have some brush with death that spun my world out of control with concern and worry.

I love my parents so much it is so hard for me to see them suffer. I want to do something; but I'm just helpless and it is so frustrating for me to do nothing.

This Summer my husband was out of a job and that was a stress all in itself. I wanted to trust that the God and Goddess would provide; I really tried to embrace my faith. But as the Summer wore on it ate at me. So instead of worrying I tried to help my husband polish up his resume and what ever I could do to be a supportive wife to the brilliant man I married.

I took time to listen to what he was seeking and realized this was more then a paycheck this was my husband wanting something more out of his career. The perfect job fell in his lap working for a gaming company...Praise the Goddess. He loves it there and I am so happy that not only did he find a good job but a place where he feels happy.

And that is really what this whole post is really about...happiness.

My friend sent me a mantra:

I am deeply centered and peaceful in life. It is safe for me to be alive and joyous.
I half heartily said this when she gave it to me like a prescription. But then I added two of my own one day in a moment of inspired reading.

I am loved. I am guided and protected. This situation will resolve.

and

I am financially secure now, and I have a surplus of money to spare and share.

This shift happened around Yule. We don't turn the lights on the decorations until after Yule...to signify the sun's return. The tree was so dark without lights...sad even and I realized that what was missing in me...light.

I stopped and asked myself, "What five things did I want to bring into my life to invite in more light?" When I made this list I didn't worry about what people would think or care if it was silly. I wrote down my five things and breathed life into them. I found an app called Aspire that allows you to take your goal and put in pictures, reasons and music. It is an amazing way to focus on something for a few moments a day.

On New Year's Eve I stood outside and left 2011 and all the stuff that was not making me happy in the old year that was of my own making. I whispered to the New Year coming in the next day that when I opened the door to change me. To allow me to always be able to reach into myself and find the joy that I could feel at this moment. To allow my choices to be ones that built me up instead of tearing me down. And since I believe in magic...to allow me pass this bliss that was bubbling up inside of me to others through a smile, hug or even a post on a blog.

Happiness is a choice. I have said it before, I thought I had learned this lesson but I hadn't. I have learned even in the situations that surround me day-to-day that I can either let them break me or I can breathe love into them. If I can take a situation that I hate and breathe love into it; then it starts to change. Maybe the hatred can turn to a kernel of understanding and allow compassion to grow.

Maybe at one point the hatred will go away and only the compassion and understanding will remain. I really hope so. But like anything worth having...I will have to work at this new way of seeing life and the chaos in it.

So this is me; the good and the bad...and despite the chaos swirling in my life...I am happy. Truly blessed...giddy with love and compassion for all I have been blessed with. My support system is awesome; my family and friends are amazing. My goals are being achieved one by one. I have two patterns up on Ravelry and more are to come. I am half-way there to my goal of financial serenity. My husband, sister and I are working on a project together that is rewarding and full of fun. And finally my son said to me the other day, "I love you Mommy. You are the funnest Mom in all the world." It doesn't get much better then that.

It is great to be back.

Happy Crafting,

Hugs
Ruinwen

Back In A Month

I need to take a break.

I don’t know how to write this in words that make sense to anyone else but me but I’m going to try.

Right now I am struggling with my blog. I find that I feel guilty about not posting or knitting something new…and right now it is more of a chore then the joy it used to be for me.

The situations around me do not change and I feel stuck even as I evolve and I know that I seem to be writing the same things over and over.

I was waiting for a sign to make this all make sense to me…and today it snowed. The Goddess told me sometimes in order to connect you need to disconnect first…like a reboot.

So this is me disconnecting from my blog for a month. After that time I will reassess all my blog issues.

In the meantime I hope to get caught up on all the blogs I am behind on…read my e-mail…and get caught up on Ravelry.

I’m going to take this time away to take a good hard look at my life and what I want vs what I can actually accomplish.

I’m not depressed. I’m burned out. I’ve burned the candle at both ends for too long and I need to step back for a bit.

They say the hardest part of a journey is the first step.
See you all in a month.

I am always awed that you are there to support and uplift me. I am blessed to have a beautiful cyber family like you.

Ruinwen
:)

Spring is Really Here

Look what popped up in my garden today! The bright color is so welcome after this cold winter.

I'm feeling as the sun has been returning I've been coming back to myself more and more. The chaos ever swirling around me never changes...but somehow when more light is present...it is not as unbearable.

I have finished the length of my sweater and the cabling looks really beautiful. I'm not sure that I like the bottom without a border...so I will have to contemplate that.

I have been doing a lot of that as of late...contemplating that is.

This is the time that I am planting my seeds for spring and I decided to keep it simple this time. I have honed my focus in five directions and I feel really good about that.

AIR - CREATIVITY
FIRE - HEALING
WATER - COMPASSION
EARTH - PROSPERITY
SPIRIT - CONNECTION

I meditated on it for a while and these were the things that really jumped out at me. Creativity is a given and encompassed under this title is finishing my shawl. Healing is something I need to do for myself. I am finishing up the Dentistry this month and then I will start on the whole Doctor thing. Compassion is necessary that I not be so hard on myself and more understanding of the previously mentioned chaos. Prosperity in all things is my mantra and always my focus. And last but not least; the connection of Spirit is not something I lack but rather I wish to deepen the times that I am open to Spirit's energy.

I wish you all a Happy Ostra this weekend as the spirit of Spring comes back to the land and our hearts.

Ruinwen
:)

On The Needles

Excuse the strands of yarn everywhere...this is a work in progress. I am enjoying this knit and would love to make it in something else at some later point...but for now, I'm loving this yarn.

The ribbing is really pretty with the cables in it. A scarf would be really lovely with that pattern and I may have to make that in the future.

Sorry, this is a short post...but things are really in flux here and I'm not sure if I start pouring my heart out...I'll be able to stop.

Have a nice weekend,
Ruinwen
:)

Bobbles on the Thread of Life

I had a student of mine come by and ask me to make her booties and a hat for her first Grandchild. She had picked this sky blue yarn with a thread wrapped around it with bobbles attached. Truly it is a charming yarn to look at and when the project is done it looks as sweet as pie. But getting there...now that is a totally different story.

First of all, just trying to make sure that those little bobbles get through the stitch is agonizing...secondly; it throws the gauge way off. She wanted newborn sizes of everything and it made all my patterns a size up which meant I would have to rewrite any pattern I had.

So all other projects had to go to the back burner as I worked on this commission. My sweater...my shawl. I am so behind it makes me want to cry. I thought I could just knock these out...well you know all the cliches about assuming...

This got me thinking about my trip to the dentist. The Valium did its job and I was good and non-stressed. I can't tell you how many times I fell asleep in that chair. But it's what happened afterward that got me pondering.

You see I couldn't compartmentalize anymore. I couldn't multi-task or do more than one thing at a time. My brain was so relaxed and calm that all it could do was think of one idea and focus on that. For instance, I put in a load of laundry and then since that was all there was to do at that time promptly forgot about it. In fact, in all fairness, I can't remember putting it there in the first place.

I tried to do things like pack my bags for the next day like I always do...and I kept getting lost. There was no list in my head to follow of things that needed to be done...and I felt very helpless.

I thought to myself how does anyone function like this day to day?

Then I realized that this is what meditation is supposed to be like. A singular focus...flowing from one thing to the next without worrying about all the other things there are to do...it was about giving all to each moment before moving on to the next.

This is what surrendering everything and living in the moment felt like.

Right now in that moment, something became very clear to me that has bothered me non-stop since that day...I am like that yarn I hated working with. All the things I fill my day with are like the bobbles on the thread...a thread that clings to every aspect of my day. Just like Atlas with his world...I don't leave home without my thread. Sometimes that thread becomes wound around itself so many times with all I am trying to shove into a moment that it becomes a bobble. Unfortunately, this is a regular part of each day.

But the most horrible truth is that I felt totally at loss in a world of surrender. I need to do more than one thing at a time now and then to make things work. If I don't pack up the books that need to go to the post office a day before I need to go...they might not get there. If I waited for the most opportune time to take them then I would owe money for not getting them back before the deadline.

Singular focus cannot cook food while unloading the dishwasher...to do so would be to dishonor the food being prepared or the task of cleaning the kitchen.

So where does that leave me? I've realized that as much as I would like to make some things happen in my life...to do so would make more bobbles then I can handle. I need to acknowledge that now is not the time to try and take on a second income. I cannot manage it. I work 40 hours a week, visit my parents as much as possible, have a second family living in our home, a son who usually has homework every night, a house to clean, clothes to wash, a family to cook for and a bunch of other stuff that is the central basis to my life.

Just managing to juggle all these things is a miracle to me. If I didn't have the love and support of my wonderful DH, friends and family I couldn't handle all that I do. But I do and I am so thankful.

Every Fair I always have all these big dreams and then we get to the next one and I'm just happy to have stock. I work a little on each goal but I still don't get all the way there. We've tried to make time to work on our products but the truth is we are tired by the weekend. We only get a few hours of family time during the week and our weekends are precious to us.

That is why last Fair my biggest goal was to actually finish the QOH shawl...and I'm going to do it before May. But I still need to replenish stock. I've been doing these commissions non-stop and that is really great...I am very thankful that people are coming to me to make things for them...but everything has to stop when I get a commission and my other projects get put on hold.

I felt extreme guilt that I worked on the QOH shawl last Friday at meet-up instead of my commission. But it had been a hard week and I wanted to work with the yummy lamb's wool.

My poor sweater does not exist. It is not even cast on and I feel horrible about it. Everyone else is all the way to the cabling or farther and I haven't even started.

But this is the reason I am very selective about KALs and such. I know that things just get bogged down in my life for periods of time and there is nothing I can do about that.

So here I am at Friday again...the booties are done. That hat is in progress. My shawl is at 13 repeats of 15. My sweater is in little balls of untouched beautiful yarn...and all of it is...okay.

I will knit on the hat at lunch and my shawl at the meet-up and I will feel guilty about neither. I will get to the sweater when the hat is complete.

Just because I plan and organize doesn't mean that my life has to be totally filled with bobbles. When I look ahead it doesn't mean I can't shift my focus to the present moment. Knowing my limits and when to say, "No," is not a bad thing.

As always; all things will work out in the accordance of their time. I can plan and organize and create space for things but they all will become complete and whole when it is their time to do so. That is the way it has always been and I know that will never change.

Vixenpath will have what it needs to see us through another Fair. My shawl will get done. I will learn the lesson of taking care of myself and all the Dentists and Doctors will have been visited and I will catch up on my healthcare. I will learn to let go of the things I cannot change and lay them at the feet of the God and Goddess. I will understand that financial serenity is not based on a number but on the flow of prosperity.

****************


On a separate note. Look at this beautiful pendant the talented Birdsong made me. I love the energy that I feel emanating from this beautiful pendant. It has stones to represent each member of our family. I love the way the tree is interconnected yet the stones each shine separate and whole by themselves. If you want one of these for a gift or for your own family; send Birdsong a note and she can create a one-of-a-kind work of art for you.

****************

It is a little cold here but I think that we have seen our last snowfall (knock on wood). So my shawl shot will have to wait until next year. Oh well.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Ruinwen
:)