I Don't Doubt It

Nature hued Ostara Garden

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Wayne Gretzky

Every day I play a game of Sudoku, Ken Ken, Crossword and Crossword Cubed.  Mom used to do puzzles to keep her brain sharp and I've been doing the same for a while now.  Sudoku is one of the puzzles that can be really frustrating to me because if you mess up it is hard to fix.

But If I mess up then I just start again.  I don’t go into it thinking I will mess up and I don’t worry about the numbers not working as I am figuring out what goes where.  It is a puzzle and I work it out.

In games this is easy; in real life…well, it’s just…not.

Those thoughts that creep up like a tangle in a skein of yarn and grab you, are not so easy to work through. Doubts, worry and indecision can wrack your brain and drive you into an anxious fretting mess if you let them.

My Mom was a chronic worrier.  She worried about everything.  I think at one point worry becomes the norm and it just starts to seep into everything until you worry about everything. 

I am trying to stop the cycle before it takes root.  My mantra is:

I choose to see peace, instead of this.

The this is anything that is bothering you.  I believe all trials and tribulations can be slowly overcome through faith, family, friendship, tenacity or sheer force of will.  Death and taxes can’t really be negotiated, but other than that…in most cases, you choose how you are going to live.  Each moment you decide how you will see the world and everything that surrounds you.

If I am going into a boss battle I’m girding my loins and have the best of everything that I can manage at my level.  I will stock up on potions and buffs and be ready for that boss.  If I fail, I will learn from my mistakes and I will change my attack.  If I fail again, I will watch how the boss moves and see what patterns might be helpful in defeating him.  After gaining new insight I might change out my spells and or use a staff instead of a sword.  The point is, just because I lost, I don’t become afraid of the boss.  I learn from my mistakes and go forward until I beat him or her.

In real life, it is not so easy as it seems to fight the fears that way us down with their white noise chatter.  How can we gird against these unseen foes?  If you are a person of faith then that is one way.  Faith is a very powerful weapon.  Everything for me goes back to one thing:  I am a beloved child of the God and Goddess.

My faith is about love and light. The doubts that are created in my mind are 90% of the time totally not based in reality and devoid of love or light.  Fear is all in our head as well…doubt…worry…they all hit us from within and they can be brutal.

When negative emotions start, I pray.  I take essences and breathe relaxing breaths.  I count my blessings: my awesome family, my supportive husband, my kind son, my sister who gets that part of me that is still 5...and the list goes on.  I am thankful for my friends from all walks of life who are there for me and help me in a myriad of little ways each and every day.  I am thankful for a roof over my head and a man who mows my grass.  I am blessed by my little Rhoomba who saves me a bit of cleaning each day by sweeping up the downstairs for me.  Every Friday I get a delivery of healthy veggies and meats that allow us to live a better lifestyle. 

The truth is this is a very long list and when it gets going, no fear; no worry and certainly no uncertainty can last.  I gird myself in my Faith; I take potions of gratitude and blessings.  My sword is the light which drives out the shadows and the love that surrounds me is my magic.

That is not to say, "poof" that all my troubles fade away like dew on a Summer's Day because that would be a lie.  Life will always hand us obstacles, but it is how we face them that matters.

My finances were a mess about ten years ago.  It took saving, changing the way I looked at money, doing without and a lot of prayer to get where I am now.  It wasn't a microwave quick dinner fix, it was a slow simmer crock pot meld of new concepts and ways to look at things kind of dinner.

When I was grieving, it was a long and emotional roller coaster.  It takes time to heal.  It takes time to do anything really.  There might be set backs along the journey...just keep getting up and try again.

Life and knitting have a lot in common.  Every thing I make is a journey of sorts.  As you can see all those flowers got together this week and made another Ostara Garden.  My first commission is done. Fini!  It is very earthy and naturesque.  I really like it.  I still want to make my awesome neon and sparkly one...but not for a while.

So, someone asked me how I put them together and the answer would be the most wonderful mattress stitch.  If you have never used the mattress stitch then you are in for a treat.  It does a bit of magic that is fun to watch.

Just a FYI...the mattress stitch is also used to close wounds securely and distribute the tension across the skin evenly.

So there are different ways to do the stitch based on preference and the type of fabric that you are seaming.  I have used 2 flowers to demonstrate.

The first pass goes in the vee on the left-hand flower towards the left, the second pass goes in the vee on the right-hand flower towards the right.  You are always stitching away from the center.

When you get a little way through you give the working yarn a tug and watch those stitches disappear...just like magic.

This is a great technique when you don't want the colorway to show through.  I hate seaming, but this stitch is really fun.

I hope all your troubles melt like lemon drops!
Happy crafting,
Ruinwen
:)