Friday, January 28, 2011

On Idle




This week we found ourselves blessed with a lot of snow. I must have pulled something shoveling because I find myself having trouble typing and I couldn't hold a knitting needle either. So this will be a short post.

"Work is not always required ... there is such a thing as sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected."
-- George MacDonald

I had a day and 1/2 off due to the snow. And during that time I got nothing accomplished. When I got home I was cold and tired and just needed some R&R. So I spent time playing with my son and niece. Today I shoveled for three hours and that was it. DH was sick...and I was frozen and aching and...well...done.

We can't be moving all the time. We must take time to pause in between each great action to get our breath and renew our spirit.

This morning when I shoveled there was this great peace to the quiet day dawning all white and pristine. With my music in my ears I didn't really mind the work. But after a while I became wet and numb with the repetitiveness of the act of shoveling and realized this is an example of day to day life.

Many of us do the same things over and over until we become numb with the tediousness of it. It is only the pauses in between that make these tasks bearable. And when we ask so much of ourselves we must give back to our resources least we become depleted from our endeavors.

I used to have this terrible guilt when I just became lax on the weekend. But now I realize that this is a necessary part of the cycle. The things that need to be done are always taken care of. That goes without saying. But I'm taking more time to recharge instead of thinking that I have to keep moving 24/7.

I need to not let the guilt that crops up during these times effect me. It is so easy to fall into the trap of doing something for the wrong reasons.

As Imbolic / Candlemas approach I am reminded that once again I must bring forth my seeds from spirit and decide what I'm focusing on this Spring.

Air - I am going to finish my Queen of Hearts Shawl
Fire - I am going to find a way to work out with 6 people in this house
Water - I am going to learn when to pause and be still
Earth - I am continuing the path of financial serenity
Spirit - We are continuing to celebrate the full moons as a Family

Those are my goals. I hope to grow great fruit with them and have a bountiful harvest in the fall.

*hugs* to you all
Runwen
:)

Friday, January 21, 2011

Why I Believe I am a Pisces



*all this is speculation of my own. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind or create a flame war. I'm just trying to figure some things out.*

I know that you have heard about this. For a moment it felt like everything I knew was challenged; the world felt off kilter and suddenly I didn't even know my own self.

I have always thought I was an Aries...I blamed my sign for most of my behavior but in truth I never have been a very good Aries because of some of my core beliefs that have always been with me.

Aries are warriors and I am not; I am a peace-at-any-price kind of person. A ram's element is fire. Don't get me wrong I love a good fire...and I love the sun; but water is and always has been more my element. I have to immerse myself in water during the week...it regenerates me. I listen to the waves before bed to shut off my mind chatter. Being by the water centers me and invigorates me. I love listening to rain...I sleep my best during storms. And the liquid I take in more then any other is water. Most days it is all I drink. My body craves it and it always feels better after I've taken in cool...fresh...water.

While I do have the Arian..."let's start something and I will lead the way and then I will step back and see what comes of it attitude"...I'd much rather express myself through creativity and helping others. In fact sometimes I help too much. An expressed concern from friend or family sends me spiraling to help even when it wasn't really asked for. I've already come up with at least three ways to work out their problem...when it wasn't really a problem to begin with.

I have the Piscean...(or would that be Picon for us BSG fans?)...attitude that everybody's needs come before mine...and then I can be happy. Which, I know isn't necessarily a good thing.

I have an Arian stubbornness. But the water can be stubborn too...it just does it in a more subtle way.

First and foremost I see myself as a Healer which is more Piscean. I think in my youth I was happier to be a warrior and leader but now I feel that my view of life has changed. I do not need to lead to feel happy. In fact I'm happy to sit back on Friday night and bask under someone else's leadership. It feels like a sigh of relief to have somewhere to go that all I have to do is sit and knit.

And as I look back a lot of my control issues were not what they seemed. I'd have a party so I wouldn't have to go somewhere I didn't know. It was easier to break my bank buying supplies and having to clean my house the next day then going somewhere else and maybe having a panic attack.

To this day I still get panic attacks when I have to go somewhere that is different then the day-to-day. Now I breathe through them and take some Bach Rescue Remedy and I can see them for what they are. But in the past I didn't understand that; all I could feel was this sense of dread and I needed to be as far from it as possible...not very Arian.

If they are really bad I just ask for someone to go with me. I've learned that I can't always do it on my own and there is no shame in that. But that was a hard lesson to learn.

My moods swing like the many faces of water. And with me it is more what is under the surface then what is floating up top. everything has a deeper meaning to me.

I can feel emotions off of people like heat radiating from the sun. I am very emphatic and not just people but places and ideas. I have trouble when I am not feeling my own emotions to allow them to disperse. I have worked very hard not to take on someone or something else's emotions. But there are still times that one look from a stranger can make me cry because I feel their anguish and it tears me up inside.

I like to work alone...though I'm like my Mom...I want someone nearby...even on a different floor...because I don't like being totally alone.

I have the ability to day dream...I prefer to call it visualization. Like mental chess I take a situation in my head and project different scenarios until one makes sense. Pisceans find it hard to concentrate on one project while Aries don't finish what they start. Usually I will have broken a project down into parts in my mind. If I feel I have gotten through the part that was holding my attention I will stop. It is at this point that I will start something new if I lose my focus. At any point if the project becomes charged with emotion...then I will stop too.

My emotions get so strong at times that they really do run my life. If I mess up something or do something wrong it starts a litany of all the bad things said to me in my life and I associate those feelings with whatever I'm doing. It is very difficult for me after that point to pick the project up again. If I could only uplift myself the way I do for others...

So as you can see; I am much more Piscean then Arian. Maybe when I was younger I was more Arian. But now; my life revolves around the love I have for my family and friends, creating beautiful things, celebrating life through my spirituality and gaming.

**************


On to projects. The first blue lace panel is from a scarf I finished for a dear friend. It was a difficult project because the purl rows were still working rows...so I always had to be alert. But after the fourth repeat I got into the flow of it and found it very serene. Which, was my hope; I wanted to imbue the scarf with serenity and good thoughts. Every time I see it I smile; since it still strikes me with awe that I'm capable of making something like lace.

And since my scarf is done, that means there is room in my queue for something new. I started this little fox and I am in love with him...even without a head. I had put off making him because I was scared to mess up the color-work sections...but after much youtube...I felt ready. And look...I did it. I'm very proud of myself.

One of our knitting circle died last Friday and I didn't get much knitting done at meet-up. Our thoughts were on celebrating her life and thinking about how she had touched each of us. Last night when I went to the viewing I felt a sense of peace that I had not been able to find before about her passing.

She was dressed in her Indian Regalia and looked so beautiful. Her family had created collages of her life so even if you had never met her; you could see what kind of person she had been. It was the most beautiful and moving viewing I had ever been to. I love that her family saw this as a celebration of her life instead of just a time to mourn her.

When it is my parent's time; I would like to honor them by doing this for each of them.

On this week of the Wolf Moon, which seems to shine brighter due to the ice covering everything...I am thankful for all I have been given. Family...friends...prosperity...happiness...everything. Thank you God and Goddess for all my blessings. Some times the world spins too fast and I forget that I am standing in a river of light...thank you.

Bright blessings,
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Moving On

It feels good to finish the last of my Yule projects. Yay! It feels like I can move onto this year's projects now. BTW I can't show you how much I love the way this project came out because it is for someone who reads this blog. So that will have to wait for next week.

I want to make something that is quick and easy and just a jog along the path before I start something new and I found this. If you don't have a Lion Brand account you won't be able to use the link without signing up. Don't worry it is free and they have a bunch of wonderful patterns on there.

Anyway, they have this wreath pattern with beautiful leaves and I've been saving up for the kit because the colors are perfect for Fall. But I found out the other day that they make blocks...felt them and then they cut the leaves out of the felt.

For some reason this really upset me so I am on the lookout for the most wonderful leaves to make into a Fall wreath. I figured that was a nice project for in between things or when I only have an 1/2 hour to knit but I don't want to work on something big.



Friday nights are dedicated to my Queen of Hearts shawl. I'm up to 8 of 15 hearts across and she is growing beautifully. It is made out of a discontinued Schaefer Yarn Esperanza in the Clara Barton color way. I am so happy that I have another ball after this one!

Stop me if you've heard this before...but I'd like to get this shawl done so I can do a photo shoot on a day like today. The snow is so pretty and it was one of those really great days where it was bad enough for no school so the kids are happy...but the roads are good enough that I didn't need 4 wheel drive. But yeah, I really want to take a picture of the brilliant scarlet against the pure white snow...all Little Red Riding Hood like.

I've been doing this free new game that allows me to schedule goals that grow a tree which is in fact; a representation of me. I've found that this is actually a wonderful tool for my self growth. One of the things you can do is make "movies" of the things that inspire you with quotes and or pictures...they are very nice to play to inspire, motivate or recenter you. I also enjoy the journaling aspect.

Other then that...we've been making more meals with the crock that have been really yummy. We had an awesome turkey soup made from turkey stock and root veggies. Soup seems to be a great choice for these frigid days. Then this week we took a pork roast and first marinated it then slow cooked it with honey, hoisin sauce, soy sauce, sesame oil, garlic, ginger, ketchup and honey...DH put carrots in there too and they turned out delish. It ended up tasting like Chinese BBQ...and wow that was so easy!

DH has had his first gum surgery and the Dentist said everything went great. He is in a little bit of pain but the drugs help manage that. He sees it as a small price to pay if he can keep his teeth in later life. I agree. I made appointments for both my son and I at this new Dentist. I was very, very impressed with how nice they were and how much they care about their patient's well being. Hopefully they can deal with my total irrational fear of dentists.

It makes no sense really. But the minute I think about anyone touching my teeth they start to ache. That is why I picked this dentist. They cater to cowards...and that is me in this case. I will probably have to have a Valium when they do the actual stuff I know they will have to do. Hopefully I can make it through the exam and cleaning without acting like a total baby.

I mean...I had a C-section and that didn't strike fear in me like this does. I watched the vid screen as they burned away the vein my leg both times and sure it pricked and was really hot...but that was okay. I had a needle in my thigh for the last bit of my pregnancy that shot a drug into my system every five minutes and that was tolerable. So why can't I buck up and just say that this is needed and go?

*sigh*

*breathe*

Have a great day!
Ruinwen
:)

Friday, January 07, 2011

Week one of the New Year



We have to decide for ourselves what’s nourishing to our souls, and do those things over others.
-- Thomas Moore


The Holidays came and went without so much stress this year. I have already written things to do in my calendar to make them even easier. Such as...taking pictures in the Summer for our holiday card and then getting them made early...and actually creating a savings for the holidays.

I used to start making things for the Holidays in July and managed to get a lot done without stress or rushing...so I'm going to start that up again this year also.

I've worked a plan for my income and I'm really focusing on saving this year as well as paying down my card again. I had it almost paid off last year when we made two big purchases that ran it up. And since I used my Holiday money to help pay down my card then when December came around I was hurting and charged up the card again.

*sigh*

In knitting I am focusing on finishing my Queen of Heart Shawl. This is the project I will bring to Friday night meet-up group until it is done. I've been working on it for a while now but the two commissions I got took priority. The above picture is one of the of the two cardigans I made. I really enjoyed this project. It taught me how to make a cardigan by following the top-down method. Now I really want to make one for me. :)

I am currently finishing up a Yule gift that is one of those pieces you cannot do anything else while you are knitting it..which is a rarity for me. I can knock out most lace and other complicated repeating patterns without a lot of trouble while talking or whatever...but this pattern is telling me to slow down and not try and always multitask. So I'm listening to the voice of serenity and following orders.

This year I want to cultivate more serenity...peace and happiness.

To that end I'm trying to do little things to make the big things easier. Like...using the organic tub spray after bathing. I broke down the other day and scrubbed our tub from top to bottom. Then after each of us used the tub we used the spray and today when I looked our tub was beautiful. Something like that really puts a smile on my face...to know one chore is done for the day and it only took a few seconds to do it. *yay*

*My son just shared with me that he remembered to spray the tub without anyone telling him!*

I'm trying to find more of those "stitch in time saves nine" ideas to make all of our lives easier. Archimedes, our automatic vacuum cleaner saves us so much time. At his appointed time he starts cleaning and will not stop unless the area he is in is clean. He hates dirt and has a little button that lights up when he finds some. We all love him. The time he saves us is incredible...having a clean floor is priceless.

We've all been making changes here and there to improve our lives. We joined a whole foods farm and enjoy getting a morning delivery of organic healthy food. Everything there is so wonderful and delicious.

I've been looking at cell phones to find one with a lower radiation rating. Every week I make another little step to make my life safer and healthier for me and my family. I like this one. It has everything I could ever want in a phone so I'm pretty happy that it safer too. :)

So that is the week in a nut shell. They tell us that a winter wonderland is on the way...so where ever you are be safe, warm and full of happiness.

*hugs*
Ruinwen
:)